Le Pain Quoti-Incompetent

I've been buying coffee at the Le Pain Quotidien in Chelsea since the day it opened. The first few times the baristas waited on someone who came in behind me, I let it go. At least at Starbucks, they say, "Who's next?" A simple question any moron can spew. But customer service doesn't seem to be important at this place. In the mornings to early afternoon, I get selective service. In late afternoon to early evening, I get the one who eyes me like I came from Neptune but at least he waits on customers in sequential order. All I usually want is a latte. I'm not ugly and I have $$$ to pay for my drink. Today, I walked out and I'm officially boycotting. Those f*ckers.

Saw Up in the Air and think it's worthy of an Oscar nom, especially if you compare it with the other sh*t that's out there. Good characters, somewhat predictable plot, but whatevs. I always want to hate George Clooney. He's just soooooo good-looking and smirky, Mr. I live in Italy and play pranks on Brad Pitt, make Julia Roberts giggle. Mr. I know the perfect thing to say and thrive on my beliefs in marriage. Mr. Let's do a telethon for every disaster because I care so much and like to show celebrities talking on the phone. Then he charms me and I get it. He was better in Michael Clayton, though.

How interesting, Senator Evan Bayh not running for re-election. Maybe Scott Brown can go over to his house and dry his soft, tender tears.

Dish is on a roll.

Happy Valentine's Day to...

...Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. I keep wondering who is at fault and why they keep torturing their child. Why did their daughter have to call 911 on her own father last week? If this is always Basinger's fault because she's allegedly crazy, how come Alec always gets into the news? How does she keep such a low profile if she's so crazy? Why call your child a "filthy pig" if it's your ex you want to blame? That said, I think he's a fine actor and I'm down with his politics. Remember when Alec and Kim were a hot couple, making bad movies and appearing on SNL together? What are they going to do at Ireland's wedding, if she ever wants to enter into the institution her parents really screwed up? I wish we could all get along.

Speaking of other former hot couples, Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan got married on Valentine's Day many, many years ago...before he became a substance-addled philanderer (I'm guessing) and she--Dish had predicted the affair upon reading that they'd be working together on Proof of Life starting March 2000, at the height of his fame--had the audacity to step out of her marriage with Russell Crowe.

Such a special holiday, Valentine's Day. Over the years, when it was fashionable to hate VD, I hated it. Then indifference took over save for the influx of chocolate. Thanks to TG, VD has been saved.

We Are The Tequila Sunrise

For once, wouldn't it be fun to have stars sing a song to support everyone's favorite charity: Me and My Drinking? Pink, Kanye, Celine, Lil Wayne and various Country stars could be so earnest about furthering the cause of Me and My Alcoholism*. My reaction to the remake of "We Are the World":

1. Less angry this time at Michael Jackson taking all the praise since Bob Geldof did "Do They Know It's Christmas?" for Africa FIRST!
2. Janet totally looked like she was lip-syncing, Michael was doing all the singing.
3. Barbra, oh Barbra. For me, she was the big star.
4. Celine came right after and tried to out-diva her, failing.
5. Relieved Vince Vaughn was in the video because he is a singing sensation.
5. Loved Wyclef Jean at the end.

In other news and speaking of booze, Dish watched old fave Tequila Sunrise, a captivating Mel Gibson flick before doucheness became part of his public persona. Mel and Michelle Pfeiffer heat up the screen with decent performances by Raul Julia and Kurt Russell (with Gordon Gecko 80s slicked back hair). And that's all, except TG is back, which makes us happy.

*Dish is not even close to an alcoholic but uses this disease as a metaphor, for those who haven't taken 9th Grade English.

Wer r mi SNAX?

Dishcat no mor. i m n-ow TGCat. TG iznt hear & im stukk wit The Kow. Shee iz shuvvng Mixikin chimichingas in hr phat fayss. i theenk shee wiilll mke me watsh the Opining Seremoany of the Olumpix.

TG comme homme?

Dish Is Trying Not to Overcook the Brown Rice

A quick break while the rice takes five hours to cook:

Professional narcissist John Mayer put his appendage in his mouth, saying stupid things to get everyone's attention. Perez Hilton has taken aim and won't relent. It's petty, it's high school, it's homoerotic, it's made up of people who weren't breastfed.

Was John Edwards Babymama canoodling with Jeff Goldblum while with Edwards? Well, if you've got the frizzy hair and handband, flaunt it. (Whore!) I'd fancy Jeff too except when he rubs his spindly legs together and buzzes.

Dish viewed the last part of The Tudors, where funky singer Joss Stone plays Henry's fourth wife. She was really good! Who knew she could act? I was so worried she'd get her head cut off, but then Jonathan Rhys Meyers referred to her as his sister, and I was like, phew. Because I can't take the stress I went to my reliable source, Wikipedia, to find out what happens next for Hankipoo.

Ex-Prez Bubba got rushed to the hospital for chest pains and underwent a heart procedure. I'm eating brown rice tonight in the hopes that his arteries are soon unclogged. If things couldn't get more chaotic, TG is going to somewhere in the Northeast for 36 hours. How will Dish survive?

Other Stuff

Rumor mill: I'm not sure I believe this but allegedly Meg Ryan and Tim Robbins are hooking up. I approve the match because:

1. They were in I.Q and Top Gun together.
2. Meg Ryan needs to align herself with someone cool to enhance her public profile (unfortunately--or she could not care, which is cooler).
3. Everyone needs love. (Yes, even women over forty who've had flings with Russell Crowe, severe plastic surgery and acted in non-romantic comedies--thought she was good in In the Cut (Butt))
4. I hope Meg Ryan makes a comeback, a big one. She used to be everyone's darling and the public has turned on her.

Ellen DeGeneres on American Idol. She was more serious than I thought she would be but liked her overall (except for the faux-hawk--will that hairdo ever go away??). She's sparkly and has great energy.

Falling for Falling for Grace

Dish is painfully biased but it's enjoyable candy for those times when you're about to have a meltdown. Grace (Fay Ann Lee) is loveable as a money-savvy heroine who's grown up in the heart of Chinatown and at a snooty-mcsnootertown event gets mistaken for a fashion designer. It's really Lee's movie--not as much a romantic comedy, though you feel the love. While I shot green daggers at Grace during the trailer (how dare she get so close to Gale when I can't deflect her advances), I was thoroughly charmed by her. Of course, Gale did a fine job as Hunkalicious--and his hair fell in his face just perfectly, but really it's all about the craft and he acted well too. Fabulous secondary characters, heartwarming family vignettes that made me want to buy my parents a new refrigerator (scary dead things in the old one). The only caveats are those typical elements in romantic comedies:

1. Hero showing her how to bowl/golf/hold a bat so as to put pelvis up against heroine's ass and whisper in her ear.
2. Heroine has to fall at least once in front of people. Dish manages to confine her embarrassments to the privacy of her home, like in the bathtub b/c she's 100 years old.
3. At moment when hero is given push to chase after girl, he always says, "Can I borrow your car?" (Notting Hill, Love Actually) In FFG, Gale has been drinking at the bar, shotglass in front of him, therefore, he's lubed up before he gets behind the wheel, thank goodness.
4. After losing love, girl/boy always makes snap decision to move, heads to airport but someone either chases them or he/she changes her mind at last minute. Declaration of love often done on the street. (Mirror Has Two Faces, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, Along Comes Polly, Something's Gotta Give, Sex and the City final episode)

Still loved it, will watch over and over until I hate it.

Oh Em Gee, It's Fay Ann Lee!!!

I pulled out my mail, expecting six episodes of The Tudors, but instead found something better. I'd stared at (memorized) the trailer for Falling for Grace countless times. All I needed was the film itself (90 minutes of Gale Harold) and I'd waited years. It's true, my agenda was to have more Gale in the Casa de Dish. As I opened my package, my dainty alabaster hands shook. Not only did she include a drool-inducing film negative of Gale's no doubt fabulous acting, Fay Ann Lee wrote me, Dish, a PERSONAL NOTE. So I love her (and now we're friends). That hasn't happened since I'm 22, working in an oil company in sh*tty Cleveland and my one shining moment was receiving an autographed picture and PERSONAL NOTE from Jon Tenney. Celebs don't realize the effect they have on (crazed) fans. No longer am I in this for Gale. Any director who takes such care to address viewers deserves consideration (and really good distribution and a bigger bigger budget for the next movie). I can't wait to watch...

... but, right now, TG would rather be slathered in honey and lowered in a vat of fiery red ants than view Falling for Grace. That's why The Goddess invented headphones.

Fay Ann Lee, Forever.