Shocking Weekend

Dixie Carter, most famously of Designing Women, died yesterday at age 70. What's happening? Maybe Dish is at the age where everyone is dying. DC was far too young. I hope she and the President of Poland are doing a polka and discussing the hideous drapes up in heaven.

Whose Birthday Is It?

Today is a day of deep mourning for the President of Poland. Let it also be a day of celebration as Steven Seagal turns 58. Happy birthday to my favorite bloated action star/spiritual guru! I'll rejoice with this Steven mantra from Fire Down Below:

"I'll have 300 agents come up here into this little hick town and crawl up every orifice you got. When it's over you can go to your favorite proctologist and get a nice, soothing ointment, and rub it on the hole that hurts most."

WTF? The President of Poland Dies!

President of Poland Lech Kaczynski died this morning in a plane crash in Western Russia. TG did some research, finding out they flew in a crappy plane in the fog. How stupid and preventable is that? Hello, JFK, jr. anyone? In theory, public servants should receive just as bad air service as the little people, but c'mon now. Many noteworthy people in Poland died in this crash. It seems suspicious to me--at the very least, a needless tragedy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play Russian roulette with traffic on 7th Avenue.

Pandemic

Let's keep count: Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Tiki Barber. Now Actress Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon (I'm not sure who she is either but she's gorgeous) claims her husband cheated and just announced it on the Internets. Good for her! These wives are making it so hard, though. Tons of women cheat but where is the equal coverage? The trailer for Sex and the City 2 implies Carrie will cheat on Big with Aidan. I smell writers who can't find anything else to do for this franchise. It's a little like SNL after Tina Fey left. I can't wait to see the flick, will count the number of times the girls squeal and set off to a foreign country. More cheating: one of the Gossip Girls allegedly stepped out on Ed Westwick and he dumped her. No marriage and children involved but it's still serious.

Speaking of serious, the lemon bars at Citarella are seriously delicious!

Rock Me, Amadeus

Instead of the Housewives of NYC, Dish will experience more cultural cattiness tonight. Going to see The Magic Flute (The Magic Fruit) at the Met. I'll pass where Nic Cage and Cher met at the fountain in Moonstruck. The challenge will be: sitting still for 186 minutes. Luckily, it's in the dark and I can create sordid intrigues in my head. Dish once got a tour of the Met's bowels, learned that one tenor used the area to fornicate with lowly damsels when he wasn't on stage. Tonight, like Julia and Cher, I'll be touched by the music and an errant tear will makes its way down my soft cheek.

Promises, Promises

Only the majesty of Sean Hayes could drive Dish to a musical. He was amazing on stage, convincing me that he was no longer Jack McFarland. I even believed he was straight and in love with Kristin Chenoweth. Sadly, the music in this "musical" is deadly dull. I expected more from Burt Bacharach. The dancing and performances were solid but no one could overcome the material. Chenoweth had far too many depressing ballads, to the point where an overdose of sleeping pills seemed a logical solution to her quandary. Katie Finneran as "Marge" stole the show and had great chemistry with Hayes. I would have rather the show be all about them. It's a shame: The Apartment is adorable.

This won't deter me from my quest to support Sean Hayes unconditionally (not financially) in all endeavors.

Relationships Are Complicated!

Ex-football star Tiki Barber pulled a Billy Crudup (+ nuptuals and children) and left his pregnant wife for, yawn, his 23 y.o. sweetheart. It's understandable. When Dish was 23, she really cared about things: like seeing if Keanu Reeves would come visit me in New Mexico, how to starch shirts, and aerobics. Tiki needed a change.

The pool of publicly humiliated spouses is growing.

Star Sighting--John Michael Higgins

At last night's performance of Promises, Promises. We were separated by three seats. I wanted to reach over and pinch him. Instead, I found excuses to stare at John Michael Higgins. "Oh, TG, look at the chandelier." "TG, I wonder who else is here." "I have to stretch my long, elegant neck, especially to my right side." Dish tried to eavesdrop but, alas, no nuggets were acquired. He does have a booming laugh.