Name Changing

If Katy Perry can change her name after marriage, so can Dish. The more I'm counseled to keep my name for professional reasons, the more I say, "I don't wanna!" Much thinking went into this decision, and the stars helped me. Look at Puff Daddy. He's been Diddy, P. Diddy and Carmella Divine but do we care? Courtney Cox easily transitioned to Courtney Cox Arquette and my name will stay the same length. What's more frightening is the amount I just spent at Sephora on "wedding makeup." Kat Von D puts out a nice lipstick. Frighteningest: the number of celebrities with fragrances at Duane Reade--Antonio Banderas, Halle Berry, Britney Spears, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Jessica Simpson. I don't want to smell like any of these people.

Racy pics of Christina Aguilera leak out to fuel her current media blitz: divorce, new romance, potential rerelease of "Bionic," Burlesque. She's very talented, blows Britney out into space talent-wise, but I don't think it'll help. No one remembers that she's the other pop tart who made out with Madonna. Except Dish.

Elizabeth Edwards Dies...

Very sad. Just read this headline. Blessings on her comings and goings. I hope her children get some good therapy and TLC.

In less notable news, far less, Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubry split after a short relationship (i.e. They're just not that into each other? Sometimes two good looking people cancel each other out, as in Johnny Depp and Angelina who looked like statues in pictures at last night's premiere of The Tourist).

There are now trailers for Mel Gibson/Jodie Foster's potential dud The Beaver. So many jokes, so little time.

Final word: Love of Duran Duran is like Herpes*; There is No Cure. You might experience sudden and frequent outbreaks. I am very itchy and twitchy over downloading the new single "All You Need Is Now" at midnight.

*Dish does not have Herpes

Someone's Hollywood Stock Just Went Up

Blond bombshell Amber Heard has come out. Loveliness. She reminds me of Scarlett Johanssen and her career, let's hope, will soar. I last enjoyed Amber as Dr. Reid's romantic interest on Criminal Minds.

More blondness, Kelsey Grammer is engaged to his tootsie. Yick but not a surprise. Does this woman know what she's getting into? Though at 29, Dish might have been bedazzled by one of the most famous sit-com actors of all time.

Save a prayer for Elizabeth Edwards whose cancer has spread. I feel bad for all that her children have had to endure--a big effing mess.

Dish wouldn't be doing her job if not encouraging everyone to help make Duran Duran's new single "All You Need Is Now" reach #1 in its first week. Yes, there's a Fabook club you can join: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=256227617774. Yes, Dish joined.

Sunday Thoughts

Stars say goodbye to their New York landmark, Elaine Kaufman, who died this week. Upon moving to NYC in 1997, Dish went to Elaine's to announce her arrival to everyone. Sat at the bar, had a Sprite, no big whoop but soaked in the history. Blessings on Elaine's comings and goings.

Dish had wedding nightmares--people sleeping in the front row, announcer getting Dish's name wrong, fear of fainting at the altar. In the midst of this, I also dreamt that Simon Le Bon made a spectacular splash in the fashion world by modeling flashy red dresses. Everyone was agog and aflutter over his wild stylings and flair.

Did you hear Danny Bonaduce got married? Another child-actor train wreck but I have to stick by the gingies. I hope they're happy.

Today's Post was full of exciting news: review of new Cleopatra book, Alexa Ray Joel sexily proclaims she's worked hard on herself through hard work, Diddy supported a breast cancer charity, took his fee but left the charity with nothing. Are there two sides to this story? Reminds me of a scene in Maid in Manhattan where J.Lo rants about Ralph Fiennes spending a lot of money on a charity event when it could have gone straight to charity. J.Lo, Diddy--remember those days?

Now struggling with whether or not to see The Black Swan. The movie posters scare the piss out of me and I have a problem with Natalie Portman based on no logical assessment of her talent (probably female jealousy--smart, beautiful, talented and has the love of Julia). Recently, Julia raved about Natalie, wanting to rub her feet, so am rethinking my stance altogether.

Hide the Hellmann's!

Just to show America has sunk to a new low in what this country decides is worthy of fame: The Kardashians girls told Conan they put mayo on their vajajays so that they are shiny. All day I've had this awful image in my head. So many jokes, so much grossness. READ A BOOK!

To combat this trauma, Dish drank like a fish (which means one full glass of wine and some scotch), partying with party animals twice her age.

Am considering watching Mary Reilly again, which happens about once every five years. Sadly, never made it through the whole thing even though it is Julia.

Get The Hell Off My Plane!

Very little angers me about celebrities but I draw the line at phone-throwing, rudeness to the little people and acting out on a plane. I've cut off Russell Crowe, Andy Roddick and now Josh Duhamel, who was ejected from a plane for not turning off his cell (and being dicky to flight attendants).

Today's beef: I don't buy that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating. Their romance seems too convenient to me, a way to fend off amorous fans. All these pics of them canoodling--FAKE to Dish. Just as I don't buy the Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. Young people in the limelight don't stay together that long or carry on stable relationships for years at a time. They ride a roller coaster of hookups, breakups, drama, secret craziness, habits and more hookups. I call BS on all of it. Better yet, I'm thinking everyone's gay!

Maybe that's an overreaction since I have a confession. After months of naysaying, I'll admit, I've been secretly watching The A-list: New York ALL SEASON LONG and cannot wait for every episode. It's sad, it's terrible, but these vindictive queens are my life.

Dish had a slight nervous breakdown yesterday and found comfort in Season 6 of Sex and the City. As I watched, I realized with a thunderbolt that I'm marrying Harry Goldenblatt (only TG has full head of hair and is painfully handsome). I'm just as uptight as Charlotte (except much messier) and he's the voice of reason. How lucky am I that someone puts up with all my sh*t?

Another Diva's Birthday

Happy Birthday to Britney Spears! Her special day arrives in the midst of controversy regarding her current BF. Star and her first husband allege Brit's BF is beating the crap out of her and, interestingly, bruise photos have surfaced. Is it real or Photoshop? Is Britney being abused or is this more famewhoring? I find it difficult to believe she's only 29. She's gone through so much already. Put me in a rubber room, y'all!

In a freaky ending, a potential suspect in the Ronnie Chasen murder shot himself when confronted by police. I'm sorry but I would rather see this on Criminal Minds and not in real life. Dish is scared!

Further scariness, I'm having visions of overrated Tarentino and Uma drinking champagne out of her shoes during his Roast. Must focus on news that Katie Couric will be on Glee possibly after Superbowl. I love Katie! Don't care if she's a diva. She's kept me strong since 1991.

The Wind Beneath Our Wings

Happy birthday to Bette Midler! She sings like a bird and does good deeds for Mother Earth. Please make The First Wives Club II!

The Post reports that CNN's Parker and Spitzer are feuding. Parker hates that Spitzer takes center stage. Well, if that's true, she needs to do something wild and crazy: like release a sex tape or boink a high school senior. Respectable doesn't fly anymore.

Dish is sleep deprived, as usual. Maybe I could talk to Paul Weston from In Treatment. Last night's session with Adele floored me. Such chemistry between them. Those shrinkies do love to push the envelope--and fantasize about removing panties. Freud would be proud. I'm sure he'd have his own reality show.