Dish in Stilettos

Tomorrow I'm going to a wedding. Very excited since I haven't been to one in a while and they are mostly fun. But there could be a catastrophe since I'm wearing stilettos for the very first time. I bought a couple pairs, figuring I need to dress like a real girly girl. Here goes. Operation Try Not to Face-Plant. Will keep you updated.

It's been a few years since we've seen Jack Nicholson and he allegedly is retiring because of memory loss. I wasn't really looking for him in a movie since Anger Management dulled my exultation after Something's Gotta Give. Take it easy, Jack. Or rather, cry that you weren't cast in 74 Shades of Grey (Everywhere).

The Kardashian drama continues as it seems Lamar Odom did not go to rehab and then had miso soup and green tea and maybe is doing some outpatient thing? If you're not in rehab, why not go for the green tea ice cream, which is so much more delicious? Or perhaps he's keeping it hot and brothy since withdrawal is a b*tch. These are the thoughts in my head today. I should be working... Poor Lamar. Poor Khloe. Poor me for not being able to figure out how to program the upcoming season of Grey's Anatomy....

Oooh, Before I Fall Asleep...

Gwen Stefani is preggo with #3 (and looks beautiful so we hate her), Scarlett Johannsen (I won't even try to spell name right, sorry, Scar!) got engaged and Simon Cowell is having a boy. (That could be taken several ways. So could that)


Sorry so short. Actually, I'm 5'5 (5'4 ish, *sniff*).

New Partnerships!

Katie Couric is engaged! To some banker and she looks THRILLED. I thought she'd stay with that young guy forever, which would have been fine since it's you-go-girl-tastic. But a ring is different. And a bankah!

Now, it turns out that Harry Connick Jr. and J. Lo are both going to be on American Idol. Visually they will stun the world, along with joyous Keith Urban. Backstage, I know some crazy sh*t will happen because Dish knows dirt about 2 out of these 3. I'll never tell.

There is more backlash on casting, which I find ludicrous. I mean, do these super-fans even do research on how casting directors cast? That there could be a whole host of elements involved? The dumbest thing would be to cast Robert Pattinson. He has his own franchise and we would only see Edward, who is so not the whipping kind. As a fan of Sons of Anarchy, I understand exactly why Charlie Hunnam was cast. Charlie can play both brutal and swoon-worthy. Cute interview.

Learning a little about Dakota Johnson's acting chops. I approve.

Fifty Shades of Awesome Casting!

Even though I only got through 100 pages of Fifty Shades of Grey, I desperately wanted for Robert Pattinson not to be cast--just because I don't think he's right for this part. The big headline today is not Syria (okay, it is) or the unmarked grave of countless abused boys at a Florida school. It's that Charlie Hunnam, the blond god from Sons of Anarchy was cast as Christian Grey--brilliant (just as with Ben Affleck as Batman--Dish approves!). Dakota Johnson, doubly-blessed by being the offspring of 2 celebrities (Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson) will play Anastasia. I remember when Dakota was born, which makes me feel older than dirt.

Over the weekend, Lamar Odom, in his continuing downward spiral, was busted for DUI. It's sad that this happens in the public eye--sad that I can't stop reading about it. We all hope he gets back on his feet, off the floor, out of the road, off the crack, and back on the court again.

TG and I viewed The Life of Pi, which caused me to sob convulsively. The whole movie made me uncomfortable the way Titanic did, i.e. I probably drowned in another life, but then when you make a CGI animal suffer, I'm a mess. Somehow, I got through it and now TG has points for enduring my weep-fest.

Hurray to Diana Nyad who swam from Cuba to Key West! I remember her first attempt. Now that's a substantial accomplishment.

Jersey Boys--The Movie

I'm having a Teflon relationship with Clint Eastwood in that I've forgotten his senile rantings to that Obama chair a year ago and only remember that he's directing the movie version of Jersey Boys. Anyone smart enough to do this has the power to erase my memory. Plus, the old guy needs something to do with the just publicized news of his alleged separation from his wife. More of the cast list has been released, which includes our beloved John Lloyd Young* as Frankie. I love all the theater Frankies I've seen and, as a result, I've been living in fear that they would cast, oh, I don't know, Robert Pattinson in the role. I can't wait to see this! Plus, it will be cheaper than what I've paid for Broadway (over 1K).

Today in star-child-abuse-via-baby-naming: Fergie and Josh Duhamel are parents to a baby boy named Axl Jack Duhamel.
 *Dishmama's secret imaginary boyfriend until he missed a note in one song. She's gone back to Colin Firth. Just kidding. That's just my secret imaginary fantasy of my mother's imaginary star crushes. My inner world is far too active.

Blond Star Sightings--Melissa George and Emily Bergl, at Separate Times!!!

11:35 am: Dish waited for her turkey avocado tartine at Le Pain Quotidien and watched as a flock of counterpeople helped Melissa George get a "savory" baked good. Indeed, had I been awake, I would have done the same, for she is lovely and so amazing in In Treatment. Observed her overall form. Hate her for breathing the same molecules as Gabriel Byrne being younger and thinner (not really, maybe a little). As she left, she wore a white hat, which ever so slightly hid part of her gorgeous face.

5:25 pm: Fresh from a visit with J.J. who COLORED my locks divinely, I went toward Mercy Market on 20th and 7th in search of a mini-Rittersport candy bar I could inhale before TG-detection. Suddenly, I breezed by Emily Bergl, looking harried yet amazing, which made me forget about the chocolate completely. That's what celebs do. They help you lose weight!

Today the news broke about Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones splitting up. They had a good run. Reminds me of my early years in NYC, they were dating, I was going "ewwwww." But New York and their marriage sunk in.

Blessings on a dear family member, who left us today. So very sad.

What's Up, Men?

Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis has been sentenced to jail for boy-gone-wild-against-girl violence. What a sociopath mess! I'm sure some therapy and anger management and time behind bars will repair his fractured neurons.

Lamar is in hell. I keep hoping I will wake up and realize I've dreamed the demise of the Lamar and Khloe marriage. They are so cute, sexy and cuddly together. Why is he yet another cheating drug user? I wanted him to be Mr. Perfect! Can't we pretend nothing happened?

Alec Baldwin can't control himself as he and another photog tussle. The evidence keeps piling up. And photogs are so brilliant, even dressing for a work-out. Wear good sneakers if you try to snap Alec.


Katie Holmes is filming in Cleveland. Dish is on her knees, praying for her immediate return to NYC.

And now, news you've been waiting to hear: tomorrow I will reunite with J.J., our favorite hair guru, to get the mop of straw dyed--I mean, enhanced.

What Was That?

I forgot to watch the VMAs last night, though I forget every year because the inarticulate speeches make me ill. Plus, you just can't top Madonna kissing Britney. I did watch some clips, especially since there is much ado about Miley Cyrus. I can see what the fuss is about--I mean, Can't Sing, Can't Even Try to Perform without Bumping Up Against a Foam Finger. I mean, ew. Why do female singers always have to tramp it up, especially the pre-pubescent ones? Why can't they just...you know...sing? At least N'Sync wore nice suits (to hide middle-aged bodies) and displayed some talent in movement.

In other news, Lamar and Khloe seem to be over. It's not just the cheating, but his alleged drug use. I was pulling for them. She and Kris are the only ones who don't talk in a detached monotone.