Definitely Maybe Not

A Resurfacer: a boy or girlfriend/flame/unrequited crush who keeps reappearing in your life to 1. get support 2. test the waters for reignition 3. or suck the life out of you--mostly all three. A resurfacer often pops up around the holidays or other events that incite lonely-horniness. 98% of resurfacers' intentions are evil and you rarely feel good after they strike. Beware.

Definitely Maybe is all about resurfacers and how it affects Ryan Reynolds (oh, and his daughter who is resurfacer spawn). It starts when Ryan picks up Abigail Breslin (the only child actor I don't want to kick) from school where, at eleven, she finally learned about sex. Sorry, most kids know the facts earlier. My parents told me the truth when I was five: sexual intercourse occurs when two people love each other, then fall asleep.

Ryan burdens his daughter with the story of how he and Mommy sort of but not really fell in love and all the other women in his life (Daddy is a whore). Mommy turns out to be one woman, but Abby tells Daddy that he really loves another. So she helps Daddy win back her future stepmother--which makes her a next-generation resurfacer. I'm sorry but if I were that little girl, I would have scratched Isla Fischer's eyes out. Not only is Dad perpetually lovelorn, he now has a new woman to take over his life.

I'm fascinated by Ryan Reynolds, mostly because he's often miscast. John Ritter was miscast in the romantic drama Heartbeat where he wooed Polly Draper as she carried her mean ex-boyfriend's child. John is so much better falling over couches (though fab in Slingblade!). RR is today's John Ritter and belongs in a duck suit or stumbling over a stray roller skate.