Dish Is Psychic!!!

A sentence came into my head yesterday: Benedict Cumberbatch is about to have Baby #2. It's funny because I haven't paid much attention to our dear Sherlock. I scoured the webs and found out that indeed, he inseminated his wife for the 2nd time! So why didn't I catch on sooner and why would the universe give me this message telepathically 9 months after the initial announcement? Because maybe her water just broke*. Dish is psychically in tune with the stars.

It's hard not to focus 24/7 on my obsession: Gwen Stefani (and Blake too). Here is In Style's photo of her attending her sons' communion. I love this look (though not completely into the flyaway hairs). It's bright and lovely. Since she started dating Blake, we've been on baby watch. I'm not sure. To me, she is either too thin or perfect. We are roughly the same age so I bow down to a woman who can pull off white from the waist down!

Today I'm going to try to tune into my new ESP psychosis. So far, all I'm getting is that Beyonce might be pregnant with twins...

*Maybe but Dish has no source aside from own imagination.

How I'm Going to Be Famous

I've made a command decision. The way for me to get on TMZ is if I run my face into Lindsay Lohan's fist. She is brilliant at getting arrested and picked on (see today's news). Why not ride on her coattails? This will also attract the attention of my alleged true father Michael Lohan. The idea of bruising my porcelain skin does make me crave a comforting Snickers, but it's worth the extra weight on my ass a black eye if my name can be in lights. Please, Lindsay, you frozen-faced nightmare of a drunk? I don't really mean this, but isn't it worth a good POW in the jaw?

More bad behavior: Whitney/Bobby progeny broke up with her sort-of brother, to whom she was engaged, and wrecked her car. Whatever happened to reading self-help when you're depressed? Est, anyone? I'm signing her up for Dianetic testing right this second. Or...she needs a good dose of Dolly Parton who charmed the dickens out of Colbert on Tuesday night. Now there's someone who works.

Cheating: There is no longevity in celebrity marriages--with the exception of Gwen Stefani, whose cuteness should enthrall a spouse for 50 years. She goes the extra mile by appearing in full makeup at all times. Even Julia Roberts has a crush on her which means I do, too. With Gwen's perfection, why would Gavin Rossdale grab the nanny's ass? It could be innocent.

Robbing the Cradle of Civilization: If you've been living under a rock, the Middle East isn't fighting right now, which means it's safe for Kim Kardashian to go there and brush up. Just as important, Demi is boinking a boy half her age.If she hadn't married Ashton, I'm sure we wouldn't care. She was good in Margin Call.

Dish is off to see Les Miserables. Will Russell redeem himself? Why is Anne Hathaway not being pretty?