Step Back, Maggie. Shirl Is Comin' to Downton!

Did you hear the shriek of ecstasy in Manhattan's financial district? That was Dish reading that Shirley MacLaine is joining the cast of Downton Abbey, the sensation that's sweeping this anglophile nation. She and Maggie and Elizabeth--there are no words. I'm verklempt!

Re SAGs: Well, my picks were wrong, mostly because I forgot that the stars are all about: Craft and Political Correctness. Do not reward projects about or containing: drugs, bad people, actresses with huge boobs, frivolity, serial killing (unless actor is enduring strife in real life). And always give the award to Betty White. I saw 95% of the movies/TV, am obsessed with all the nominees. I just didn't agree. But then, awards are just gravy to excellent work.

SAG observations:

Who looked really pissed to be there: Angelina Jolie, Armie Hammer
Gorgeous: Viola Davis (I cried when she won, even though I thought Michelle or Meryl would--Viola is a goddess), Glenn Close, Michelle Williams and Sofia Vergara (the new Susan Lucci of award shows), Jane Lynch!
Angelina talking to Tilda Swinton at the end--what was that about?

The latest:

Mary Hamer "resigns" from the Joran van der Sloot case. Anderson crying over potential loss of ratings.

Elton John is my hero! I love his bitchiness. He says he hopes Madonna lip syncs "good" at the Superbowl halftime show.

Biggest news: Get your DVRs ready. Dish and TG will be on TV, on Valentine's Day! More details next week!

Donkey Sperm--Take Two

There's a chance that Fear Factor episode may be pulled due to outrage for donkeys. So many questions here. Why not use human sperm? In large quantities, this could be deemed highly disgusting especially if mixed with urine. Why not just eat sh*t? Please, Fear Factor. Sh*t hurts no one the way donkey sperm does. I still want to know how they got the donkeys to ejaculate. It was Lindsay's Playboy spread, wasn't it?

I'm digging here. All I can find for news--aside from anchorman Greg Kelly being accused of rape which I'm avoiding--is that Demi Moore might have a Red Bull addiction. Like Red Bull instead of food, which is a little like the Dish diet of Diet Coke in large quantities and nothing else. The problem is that I can't stick to my diet the way Demi can, which is why I'm not a star. Yet. I might have to go on this diet next week. Stay tuned for details.

Oh wait, there is Mary Hamer, guardian angel to convicted murderer Joran van der Sloot. She made her second appearance on Anderson this week and seemed just as insane (but fabulous television). Her reasoning for taking on this cause makes no sense aside from Desperate Woman Syndrome (I hate that I wrote that but it's written all over her face). And while she preaches peace and rehabilitation of a murderer, her facial expression conveys something positively demonic and rage-filled. Somehow, I'm sure, this all relates to donkey sperm.

Insomnia struck again and I made the colossal mistake of watching the pilot for Prison Break. Now I'm hooked. We know why. Because it's a little gay--as gay as Fox will allow--and I'm still mourning the end of Queer As Folk (7 years now). The acting/writing is not mind-blowing but I. Don't. Care.