Flying Sucks

Getting up for very early morning flights is not enjoyable and even worse when the same-day flight home is delated three hours. On the first flight, the plane banked through angry clouds and, finally, glided down the Toronto runway an hour later. This city has a clean, quiet airport and I was looking forward to explaning why I was in the country for the day. For inspiration during turbulence, I listened to Dolly Parton's "Better Get to Livin'." She might be what Jesus with boobs and gallons of plastic surgery. It got me through some turbulence. Does Dolly ever have a bad moment? A few, but I've only seen them in Straight Talk and Steel Magnolias.

Six hours later after alighting, I waited in the Toronto airport, hearing for the first time that my flight would be delayed. Staring into the green and black flecked carpet, I thought I might die of exhaustion. Maybe I'm not meant to leave my couch. But then Dolly has done a lot of traveling. She, too, probably battles malignant forces from time to time (those wigs much itch like mad). What's wrong with a little sleep deprivation, stress, and malnutrition for one day? Really, I'm totally spoiled.

Today, I'm watching In the Land of Women, mostly to see how fishy Meg Ryan's lips are. The characters don't make sense. A deeply charismatic Adam Brody plays a young soft-core porn screenwriter, like that's realistic. Somehow, he manages to date a celebrity long-term, but she dumps him for Colin Farrell. And Adam's an average guy living in L.A. When he finds out his grandmother is going downhill, he does his mother a favor by taking care of the crazy bat--played by Olympia Dukakas, of course--cause mothers can't be bothered, ya know. Out in the boondocks, he befriends Meg Ryan and they take long walks together, connecting instantly. In one hot moment, they make out in the rain after she tells him she has breast cancer. Then, he makes out with Meg's daughter, too. Conflict ensues. None of it is believable, though, despite the stigma of cutesiness, Meg has excellent moments. Her lips are way puffy, yet she acts around them. I love her again and hope she does more movies--and goes back to the short hair.

And now I'm thinking, maybe Dolly and Meg should make a movie together. Hmmmm.

Fire in My Stomach

Dish hates to travel, mostly because flying is a big pain in the butt. Along with some deep breathing and rubbing of knotted stomach, I watch Steven Seagal's Fire Down Below before I fly. Sometimes, I'll mix it up with The Glimmerman. The important thing to remember is that Steven Seagal would never be afraid of flying. Just one of those tips that makes life infinitely better (or worse, depending on how my planes go tomorrow).

Another thing that makes life better--Jennifer Love Hewitt. Photos of her big butt in a bikini surfaced today. I can hear the thought going through millions of female minds: That's what MY butt looks like. Or at least, that's what I'm thinking. So I love JLH for shaking the jiggle in a bikini.

Sex Becomes Her

Dish mainly watches Sex and the City for Kim Catrall. I don't care about the backstage squabbles between her and SJP (everyone should get more money whenever possible). My friend Langdon worked with her, said she was great fun and nice to the little people. So, she's even more my favorite. Mention of her in today's Page Six made me remember to give thanks to certain big people for lifting my spirits at 11:30 pm. And smart girl for dating a man who can cook.

I'm dating a man who can cook...and vaccuum and do dishes.

Shameless Advertising

Gordon Gekko would approve of me showing my homemade slippers (knit/felt), though he wouldn't be caught dead wearing such Holly Hobbie crafty comforty footwear. He did provide the entertainment as I took photographs. Though, Wall Street seems a little dated to me now, especially the Hal Holbrook character who keeps spouting mentorish cliches. Ah, Michael Douglas. Do I dare do a before/after photo? Of course!

He might have had work done. Regardless, I bet he looks hot in a bikini...

Male Scrutiny

Why should Hollywood's aging starlets be tabloid targets? Everyone looks like crap now and then. Even the boys. Look at Russell from L.A. Confidential, the quintessential glamour flick:

And now, he's looking a little puffier. I'd still let him throw a cell phone at me (After which, I'd sue):

Sweet John Cusack then:

And now:

I love him, but his cuteness is fading. Do we chortle about his needing Botox or lipo so he can fit into a bikini? I'm just saying...

Sunday Gas

Dish adores the Sunday morning gasbags on Hardball, Meet the Press, and The McLaughlin Hour. It makes me feel so much smarter that I have these shows in the background as I shave the fuzz off newly felted slippers.

Today, while watching, I had this intense thought:

If Mary Matalin and James Carville can make their power-relationship work, there's hope for world peace.

I bet they have amazing fights...

Ps. The Only Reason I Watched Grey's Anatomy

Thank Google! If it weren't for this massive force, I would have never known Gale Harold was on Grey's Anatomy, a popular show about doctors having sex. They even make out in the halls. GH plays a hot EMT who sports a swastika on his hot abdomen. He's very nice for a white supremacist and let's hope he survives his liver operation so he can show remorse for his wicked ways. Dish is just glad GH is working. But when is his new movie Falling for Grace (In the the trailer, the heroine actually falls, because heroines in real life are always falling, stumbling to show their adorable quirkiness to romantic prospects) coming to DVD?

Where were you?

When I heard Lindsay Lohan had shown up in NYC, baring her face among shopping hoards on Black Friday, I stopped what I was doing and noted this remarkable moment in history. Who cares about sending hand-made blankets to crack babies?

After shedding sweet tears over missing this event akin to the Beatles at Shea Stadium (or was it Giant), I turned to David Sedaris. Ten years after everyone started raving about him, I've finally picked up Naked. I wanted to hate what most readers loved, but I can't put it down. So, no celebs right now. I tried to watch The Anniversary Party again. The first viewing, I liked. This time, I didn't believe Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh wanted to do each other (though I could see them all a-giggle about the prospect of acting like luvahs), so it was background noise while I scrubbed the bathtub. And watched my cat eat hair. Take that, Lohan.