You Know She Loved Wearing a Dress

Daniel Craig stands behind women in this sobering piece. It's only two minutes out of your day, and, you know, she's kinda pretty. http://scoop.today.com/_news/2011/03/08/6217748-daniel-craig-in-drag-to-support-international-womens-day. Made me feel depressed about being female.

Another reason for depression, aside from head congestion: the fact that Duran Duran is lollygagging around the world (remember scene from Bull Durham? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLMl0CLIDLg) but not stopping in New York where Dish can go massively ape. Do I have to go to Foxwoods to see them?

Pray for Dish. Decided to let go of Glee until it's awesome. Will wait for DVD. Time is better spent watching TG's amusing self and reading Virginia Woolf. (We'll see how long this lasts)

tgcat sibotag!!!

itz TGcat's tern 4 warlick "wining!" shirlee sheen wz FARD frum 2 & haf Min! lov it! rivenge 4 thinkin he haz TIGRE'S Blud! Az ifffff!

hores Guy Ritchie & Jacqui Ainsley r griwing a bebe n hr tummie. i eatte my hare & yakk it p on th flore!!!

C mi gf Gin-ifer Aniston bng cutte in http://mashable.com/2011/03/07/jennifer-aniston-sex-tape-viral/. mi mommy gves mee sh*tti watre frm th tap!!!!!

Desperate Housewives jimpt th sharque w/th kidney and hsswife sooicide.

Raining in New York

TG and I finally gave up the umbrella. You shred so many in New York. The winds are high with pedestrians flailing against Mother Nature. Kinda funny but not. We know what's in the news. Dish is trying to avoid "Warlocks", winning and tiger's blood, understanding that next week will bring another headline.

Just flipped through Rupert Everett's autobiography, going straight to the sections on Paula Yates and then Julia, of course. All I want is the smut, not literary narrative about childhood. Skipped the Madonna section. I feel like I know enough. Never enough about Julia.

Superheroes are getting a reboot: Wonder Woman via David E. Kelley; Superman via Zack Snyder (who seems to be making Sin City over and over again). Why can't someone create a NEW superhero. Wonder how anyone can reinvent Wonder Woman. The costume alone needs modernizing.

Right now, Teri Hatcher's kidney is failing on Desperate Housewives. She and boring Mike should go on a cruise and never come back.

I Love Stephen Fry

Dish listened to Charlie Sheen's live broadcast for a few secs just now and it took me back. Remember those days in college where you sat in a room full of guys and slightly-competitive female friends, watched them get high and drunk and waited for the guys to notice you? Usually one XY would dominate and spend far too long talking about nothing (dude, 19 shots for each birthday! Trotsky is like so awesome), mostly himself, lots of giggling over bs, pretending to know what he talked about, energy being sucked out of the room, etc... Well, that's what this was. One Charlie "goddess" sat on the couch while three guys spouted and cheered each other's idiocy. Lots of manic movements and not a whole lot of intelligence coming from Charlie. A whole lotta nothing.

By contrast, there's Stephen Fry. Dish has become addicted to Bones (after catching up on all the Criminal Minds) and he plays Booth's shrink. He's one of the few actors who can make me smile just by appearing on screen. Epic Tweets. Must rewatch Wilde and entire oeuvre.

So let's support those performers who are intelligent and can produce.

David Arquette in Car Accident

Some people can't catch a break. Divorce, rehab and this afternoon David Arquette was injured in a car accident and is recovering at Cedars-Sinai (like I know where that is). Hope he's better soon.

Mike Huckabee did the unthinkable by pulling a Dan Quayle from when Murphy Brown was on the air. Quayle never recovered. You don't eff with Murphy Brown--or Natalie Portman. Look at the crazy married people procreating these days. Poor Natalie has had so much to deal with: Galliano's craziness and now Huckabee dissing her unwed pregnancy. Stop, Huck; stop, leathery fashion man with the dark soul. You're hurting the baby.

The Sheen mania has sickened me. Dish is curious to follow him on Twitter but will take a stand against psychotic-tomfoolery masquerading as cool.

Not Much to Report

Dish is doing a quick immersion in Little House on the Prairie, where dumbass Half Pint thinks she can keep a disease-ridden raccoon as a pet. But it's so cute!

The biggest thing I read in In Touch was that--brace yourself--Jenn and Brad had a near collision at LAX on 2/23. Catastrophe! Makes me wonder at all the near celebrity collisions at airports. I should make a map of who's done whom and get concrete facts of Who's The Biggest Ho in Hollywood. Who gets your vote? It would keep the airspace safe for America.

The raccoon just bit the dog, who is now f*cked. but Michael Landon--topless, of course--will suck the rabies out of the canine.

Celebrity Euthanasia!

Thank goodness the U.S. has the attention span of a gnat. One scandal-ridden person in the headlines, then another. I'm sick of reading the tabs right now because only one boring sad person dominates them. I won't say who but it makes me think that euthanasia should be practiced on humans more often.

On a more gray and withered note, Sean Penn and Scarlett Johanssen might have been in Mexico together. How could his shriveled, tar-tinged fingers come in contact with her peaches and cream melons? I do love him as an actor.

Finally, Dish has started the second season of Nurse Jackie. I figured out why Edie Falco looks older than her husband. Because she's an addict. As with he who shall not be named who is in the headlines now, substance abusers tend to look like sh*t (I can already hear JJ saying, "So what's your excuse, *%&$*?"). Of course, the husband would look better as he seems grounded. Love Edie's sass and celebrate Nurse Jackie's ability to juggle so much. She would be the perfect person to administer the fatal drip to certain marquis annoyances.

Star Sighting--Julianne Nicholson!!!

It's as if she's camping out on 16th and 7th Avenue at 6:52pm every Tuesday! This time Julianne wore a white scarf. Lovely as always.

I have to do bulletpoints:

Christina Aguilera and her upstanding bf arrested for public intoxication and allegedly driving under the influence. Yes, she's in full Britney-circa-2007 mode.

Sexy siren Jane Russell (the other woman in Gentleman Prefer Blondes) has passed on to Starlet-Heaven. Blessings on her comings and goings.

John Galliano fired from Dior for his outrageous anti-semitic remarks. Sugar-t*ts anyone? Celebrities are being so crazy nowadays (see next note).

Charlie Sheen's verbal diarrhea continues! What can I say? Bring on John Stamos and I'd actually watch the show. The crew is getting paid for episodes of lost season.

An epic The Bachelor last night, involving dates in "fantasy suites." Just another word for "boinking." Thought adorable Emily would keep legs crossed but she caved.

Half-pint Melissa Gilbert and Bruce Boxleitner split. By sheer coincidence my second disk of Season 1 of Little House on the Prairie arrives today. Booked tickets to see Allison Arngrim's show at Spin Cycle on June 17th (2 tickets, TG, which means you can go).