Bump It

Michaele Salahi has recorded a new single "Bump It," which would have made Mozart proud. You're not a real housewife until you've released a paint-by-numbers single. Please listen--the poor woman is craving attention: http://www.tmz.com/2011/05/06/michaele-salahi-real-housewives-of-dc-song-bump-it-single-record-tareq-salahi-playboy-music-bravo/. TG is the singer/songwriter in our family and I'm waiting for him to make us millions. He has a sound I've never heard before.

I'm suffering from allergies. So does Hillary Clinton. In that now famous photo of the cabinet's surveying the Osama execution, Hillary has her hand covering her mouth--now revealed as staving off a coughing fit from allergies. Am about to sneeze on the treadmill with TG across from me on the stair-climber. We wave to each other.

Dish's Daily Tarot

3 of Pentacles: You're skilled. People are starting to take notice. Dish is skilled, too--at developing blisters by walking 50 blocks in ballerina shoes. I may not be Natalie Portman but I'm ready for my close-up. So are you.

The Way We Were

JJ and I had a meaningful conversation about The Way We Were when he was cutting my steely mane. This "love" story always bothered me. Robert Redford was so cold/wooden in that movie that it's more The Way I Thought We Were. Babs is too colorful, filling up three screens with her energy. How could her character fall for such vanilla? Maybe that was the point. Sadly, Arthur Laurents died this week at 93. Such a writer to have given us a story we still talk about. That doesn't happen much anymore.

Is Christina Aguilera (TG's secret celebrity crush) being a diva on The Voice? Though wildly uninformed, I'm on Team Adam. He may be a whore, but Maroon 5 has stayed the course.

Jesse James has a tacky tell-all book coming out. If he really wanted to "tell" his story, why not do it for free? His recklessness and desperate fame-whoring is a little gross (yes, I follow him and Kat Von D on Twitter). I would have waited until the body was cold before doing my tell-all.

Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell are engaged. Nothing wrong with that.

The Office without Steve Carrell. They're doing the best they can. Not sure how the show will survive without a heavy bat. Heavier than Carrell. Who could it be? Ferrell is a Band-Aid. Alec Baldwin could double-team.

Brothers & Sisters: Don't care anymore. Still watching. Someone needs to pull the switch.

Reviews for Something Borrowed, ouch! The Emily Giffin novel is wonderful, a joy to read, hard to translate onto screen.

Ramona is insane again on Real Housewives of New York City. Everyone else is fine. I sort of feel that nothing is wrong on the show. On Orange County, the characters do things: go to plastic surgery appointments, look at real estate, get pets groomed. On NYC, the wives just meet to vent, then go home.

Dear Geniuses of South Park...

Matt Stone and Trey Parker, please make this episode of South Park: James Cameron writes/directs a movie about two starcrossed lovers who take an ill-fated voyage to find the body of Osama bin Laden at the bottom of the ocean. PLEASE! We want it, like, yesterday.

Dish had a brush with the President today. Maybe not, but I could have since I was in the City Hall area and heard the crowds cheering for him. Dishfriends saw him in his car and rumors abound he walked amongst the people. We're always happy when celebs come to the neighborhood but the chaos of a Presidential visit is not enjoyable to Dish. Who am I kidding? I would have loved seeing the Prez. Any Prez. Is it my fault I was too lazy to walk downstairs for a peek???

Eddie Cybrian's ex Brandi Glanville will be on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Trainwreck, which I will be watching. Meanwhile, if you've kept current with Hellcats, you know Gale Harold's character Julian is making out with the blonde lead (there are many blondes on the show--and too much meaningful singing). V. exciting though will always love Brian Kinney the MOST. The romance seems ill-fated since Gale is strutting over to The Secret Circle in the fall. Cannot wait to see him get all wicca!

Katie Couric to hop over ABC? I just want her to make mega-bucks and rule the world.

Overdue Star Sightings!!!

Monday 5/2, 4:50pm: Dish winding home, depressed over bin Laden's death and reactions from the U.S, so fatigued by MLK jr. quote everywhere and the onslaught of stupidness sure to come. I needed some quiet to ponder the universe when I was rudely interrupted. A man rode by me on his bike on the sidewalk, yakking away on his cell phone. Did I give him an icy glare? No, because he was a celebrity!!! But who was he? For three days I've searched my database, even retracing steps and hypnotizing myself. I thought he was the deaf son in The Family Stone, but I was wrong. Who is he? Piercing blue eyes, definitely gay. Oh dear God, maybe he's a Dish acquaintance mistaken for a celeb, like a waiter at Viceroy, scanner at NYSC.

A heavenly sight on this rainy morning: Dish out to find caffeine IV to shove into arm when across the street, standing in rain with fabulous rain-boots, knitted cap, with those mischievous eyes peeking from underneath--Julianne Nicholson. I stared a little too long mostly as a quiet warning for her to stop, stop, stop following me. Her husband, Jonathan Cake, is a good addition to Desperate Housewives. That Bree always needs some sexing up. After he's done with her, maybe he could wander over to Brothers & Sisters and give Sally Field some Nora Walker lovin'.

George W. Bush's reaction to bin Laden's death: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4b3afc5c2f/president-bush-reacts-to-osama-bin-laden-s-death-with-will-ferrell?rel=player.

Marie Osmond is getting married. Love that The Book of Mormon has gotten so many Tony nominations!

Prez Obama will not release death photo, which renews my faith a bit. Though, it will leak, which still won't satisfy Rush Limbaugh or his band of merry men.

Do You Care If I Include Pictures?

Melissa Leo is writing memoir. I only want to know about her time on Guiding Light. Or was it All My Children. I used to watch my stories. Now that she's a serious actress, who says whatever the eff she wants on an awards show, I'm rebelling. Though it could be an interesting bipolar read.

Met Gala last night. Everyone seemed to be wearing Stella McCartney--not my favorite designer though her dress for Madonna was absolutely stunning. Dish is a classicist, avoiding the one-armed bandit dresses, the burlap sacs and the dull slabs of fabric masquerading as style. Best preggo dress was Jessica Alba who was in Ralph Lauren, which sounds very dirty.

My hat's off to the dudes who ran the Jury Duty pool. They did stand-up and had the best attitude in dealing with apathetic people, i.e. all of us. The women's room was a filthy sewer of stink and errant scraps of TP. Insane ugly husband with lump on head screamed at his mail-order non-English-speaking-American-citizen-wife to hurry the eff-up, bellowed into women's bathroom to "stop spending two hours in there, aren't you done?" The woman next to me hummed to herself as she read a children's book. Peter Weir lookalike wore sunglasses indoors. No one--not even Duran Duran--should wear sunglasses indoors unless severely smashed or suffering immaculate degeneration or whatever eye condition called. Real Housewife of W. 38th Street on one side spoke loudly about herself--I was like, it's two hours, I'm going to do something VIRtuoussss and go to the gym, flexed her calves. Yeah, Dish saw her desperately putting on her makeups in the back row, like a crazy person. Makeup for Jury Duty, I don't think so.

News from Jury Duty

Dish is doing her duty, not happy about sitting in big room packed with strangers but I won't complain about it (stop laughing, TG). I'll still deliver the goods: Rick Springfield arrested for DUI, Carlos from Desperate Housewives arrested for DUI (and he was one of the saner characters),
Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are finally divorced. Jason Sudeikis shocked over ex January Jones's pregnancy and, in yucky news, White House will release grizzly photo of dead Osama bin Laden. How gross. Why don't we hang dead people on the White House lawn?

It's All Thanks to The Donald!

I can totally see The Donald taking credit for bin Laden's death. If he hadn't pushed Obama to reveal his birth certificate, our President wouldn't have found the wherewithal to show he was a leader. I must say, the timing is quite interesting. Trump goading, Obama revealing, Correspondents Dinner, and the most sought-after kill of the last 30 years. Mission accomplished and on Obama's watch. I don't any feel better. Maybe the news didn't sink in. Maybe it's because I spent a lot of time at Ground Zero. Maybe because this will surely beget more violence. Dish's brain is fuzzy.

So let's go back to silly stuff. Did you see pictures of Sean Penn and Scarlett holding hands at the Correspondents dinner? What did you think of Seth Meyers' speech? It was okay, what I'd expect and it's the right audience for him. Would've rather seen Colbert...