I Skipped Meditation Class

Because I needed the healing zen of Real Housewives of Orange County and berry rhubarb pie. I'm astounded by how Alexis is back to being the good one and now Gretchen is the evil, selfish liar. in this whole thing, too, Heather is the queen, not Vicki. I'm waiting for some serious yelling.

Sad, Happy, Cool, Excellent and Annoying!

Dishtears tonight for Pierce Brosnan and his family as he loses his daughter Charlotte to ovarian cancer. This is also the disease that took his wife and her mother. Blah! I feel so bad.

I'd been waiting months for Jessica Simpson to give birth. She's been pregnant for too long, and at last, she will endeavor to be skinny again. Oh wait... Anyway, her precious son's name is Ace Knute. Not so bad.

In boinking news, Superman and The Tudors' Henry Cavill is allegedly "Big Banging" Kaley Cuoco. I can totally see this.

If you watched Dexter last night, you must have noticed a whole new level of sophistication, not only with the carved head, but with the appearance of Charlotte Rampling. She ups any show/film's game. Not only is she impossibly sexy in that Helen Mirren way, she's creepy. I can't wait to see the next ep and I've been bored with Dexter since John Lithgow left.

Lastly, my cholesterol is 206 200, which irks me. 173 last year. No more butter for me. Okay, no more French fries and burgers either. At least no diabooties. The doc had the nerve to suggest I eat whole grains, olive oil, fresh veggies (like I'm an imbecile) and cut back on red meat...and do more cardio, too. More cardio, really? Has he met me? This sucks! But also, counting my blessings. I am healthy just insane.

Under the Weather

Dish can't get out of bed today. Sick. Stars will return tomorrow.

Poking the Bear

Someone famous has rage issues...and journalists are way smarter than he is because he falls for the taunts every time. When you vent like this in public, you make yourself look like a crazy ass. Journalists don't tend to shy away from inciting outbursts like this. They keep taunting since idiots like me LOVE to read this garbage (I read other, more learned stuff too). Now, will Alec Baldwin lose jobs over this anti-gay rant the way Paula Deen is?

By the way, Deen's book, which is due out in October, has been canceled by its publisher. Serious business.

Prediction: Chris Christie is losing the weight, no doubt to run for President for health reasons. But if he comes out against gay marriage, he will lose. I hope he keeps talking!

Cher says that Tom Cruise is in the top five of her lovers. Not sure what to believe.

Julia Is In New York!!!

I sort of knew our Julia was Dish-proximate but today there was photographic evidence of her in the Post (love the shorts, love the flats, love the shades, love to) on her way to see The Lion King. From the ratty flannel in her purse, I'll guess her children were nearby. Otherwise, she would have joined me for my 12th viewing of Jersey Boys, aka the best show on earth.

In my pre-sleep haze, I noticed Kat Von D ended her engagement to Deadmau5 and alleged that he cheated on her. The tweets were vicious! While I will never get a tattoo, I am rooting for Kat Von D. She chooses crappy guys, but who hasn't? She makes a fine lipstick.

Shadiness: James Woods (66) parades his new 20-year-old girlfriend. The Deen endorsements continue to disappear. I wore a wifebeater in public and renewed my library card.

TG is watching a nature show on bears. He's into bears, especially the Snuggle and Charmin bears. We might get one as a pet. 

Today's Celebrity: The Supreme Court

I'm throwing a pound of glitter to celebrate those fab five who killed the Defense of Marriage Act. Let's hope that floods of people will benefit and heal. Let the federally-approved marriages begin and please invite me to them.

It's hard to believe the Weiner rises again. In a new poll, Anthony W. is leading the pack of dems running for mayor of NYC. I told ya--we always forgive male sexual misconduct in this country (Hugh Grant, Mike Tyson, Bill Clinton, that South Carolina congressman whose name I can't remember, etc...). I'm so disgusted I may not vote. Convince me otherwise.

Putin and Obama may need to get out the rulers as they trade grrrrrs over Russia's keeping Snowden. Someone pointed out to me that we would have no problem housing a Russian Snowden and saying screw you to Putin. How will this end? Let's just have vodka and a Big Mac!

Did you see Paula Deen on the Today show? Matt is known for his probing questions and I don't think Deen should have done the interview. I'm sure it was genuine, but when you're fragile, don't be on TV. There is so much drama on television already and we've seen it all. Any real fragility comes off as fake or odd. It was difficult to watch. Not sure it will stop the bleeding either--though news reports that her businesses are booming.

But yay, DOMA dies!

Let's Speculate on a Big Nothing...

The tabloids go through withdrawal symptoms if they can't fathom why Jennifer Aniston isn't married yet. First, she and Justin put their wedding on hold because they didn't want to brush against the Jolie-Pitt nuptials (I don't think that's happening either). Second, Jen couldn't tie the knot because she's incubating special fertility pins in her seat chakra. Now, she's not binding herself for eternity because her finance hates LA (he is so Woody Allen). That must be true because they certainly aren't RICH enough to be bi-coastal. Celebrity engagements and weddings are boooorrrrrriiiiinnnnggggg. I say they should have fun and Hawn/Russell it. Are those two geezers still together? They are hot.

The Paula Deen racism fallout is falling out even more. She's allegedly appearing on Today tomorrow--and because we celebrate depravity, we must DVR (I'm watching live. I need help).

It seems John Mayer and Katy Perry are back together again. That happened to me before. There's really no one else in the entire world, so you go back to the last person who would have you back. Again, Katy, I saw John in the Swiss Army store and I could totally kick his ass. That was 15 years ago.

Put North West on a Diet!

Kim Kardashian's daughter's weight has been revealed! I haven't checked what it is, but I'm assuming the baby needs to slim down instantly. Get her into Soul Cycle and on some low-fat power shakes. Just kidding. I'm probably one of the few who likes that KK is not a stick.

Paul Giamatti is joining Downton Abbey cast. Of course! Love interest for Edith? That woman needs a good night in the sack (sorry, Dishmama. She really does).