Club Star Sighting

June 21, 2007, circa 4:45 p.m., 17th and 7th Avenue: We did a triple-take, too, as club phenom Amanda Lepore traipsed past us. Because we couldn't help looking, the former he seemed annoyed with us and just wanted to cross the damn street. Either that or she couldn't see past the haze of botox. And because we had to stare even more (celeb whores can't help it), we checked out the junk in her trunk. Nice she-butt!

What's Up, Doc?

Okay, this is terribly mean, but we've noticed Chloe's Bugs Bunny tendencies for years. And she has gorgeous teeth and a great smile. We hate it when she does this partial thing. Dish has one front tooth longer than the other, which is why we try not to show teeth. It's because we once opened a beer bottle with the tooth and chipped it.

Cruise Hayes Haiku

Open mouthed brothers

We grin the light fantastic!

Separate from birth

With babies and beards

(Who lathers up the cowboys?)

Life is beautiful!

Once in a Lifetime Sighting

June 11, 2007, 4:45 pm, 18th and 7th: As we rushed home to watch Dr. Phil, we were accosted by a familiar creature on a bicycle. It was the Talking Head-master David Byrne, wearing a Devo cycling helmet! He almost ran us over, which would have meant missing a touching bitchfest from TV's most popular bald psychologist (Dr. Keith is #2). Ten years ago, a former BF approached DB on a plane and asked him for his autograph. With less gray hair, the singing star obliged and remarked on Dish's unusual name. We wanted to yell after him thank you, but then remember our hatred for cyclists.

In other news, BF texted us that Paris Hilton has found God. We're not wowed by this because everyone finds God, it seems. Why not Satan, Hecate, Erato, or Allah? Shouldn't they get their due? Why can't Paris find implanted in her buttcheek the piece of lead that came from the pencil a friend stuck on her chair in the fifth grade? Oh wait...that was our finding. God and speed, Paris.

Sightings by Rodin and BEA Bounty

Mucho long overdue, but on Memorial Day, we hung out with BF at the Met and soaked in a few seconds of culture (secretly noticing, of course, anatomically butchered Greek and Roman statues) before diving back into our obsession with Brothers & Sisters. We can't pretend to understand Surrealism and it pains our sense of order to see an armpit in the middle of the desert. Still, as we exited and made our way through obscene Rodin sculptures (and we wonder how he got to be in a family museum), we saw Brian Stokes Mitchell in a lime Polo-esque shirt, looking all of about twelve. Because we once espied him sucking down an ice cream cone in Hell's Kitchen, we weren't crazed with excitement. BF responded, "Who's Brian Stokes Mitchell?" We patted his arm. He has so much to learn.

June began with our occasional trek through the hoards at BEA. It takes about forty-five minutes before the claustrophobia sets in so we walked fast by the booths. We were really there to spot celebrities and our prayers were answered when a thinner and looking-exactly-as-in-movies-and-TV Chris Elliott (aka Woogie) walked by. While rewarded by this sighting, we headed for the Exit sign. The shakes had set in. Only for Duran Duran would we have weathered our phobias.

Star Sternum Sighting

May 23, 2007--1:45. Dish was walking from the West Side Market. We can't divulge the contents (lard sandwich) since we'd just come from the gym. As we made our way up 15th on 7th, we spotted this glowing bronze sternum. How did someone do that to their chest? Was it make up? We looked up and saw the angelic face of Helena Christensen, supermodel of the 80s and 90s, former lover of Michael Hutchens. Was it really she? As HC passed us, we whipped our head around. No butt and twig legs. Had to be. What are the chances she was buying a lard sandwich, too? Okay, yes, we're bitter over the lost chances to model due to lack of discipline and height.

Non-sequitur: At the U.S. premiere of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, we were distressed to hear Johnny Depp speak with a decidedly British accent to interviewers. Madonna, indeed. Old chap, fol de rol, what not. We're positively sick over it and have taken to bed. 'Tis no matter as we found the DVD for Purple Rain in the under 10$ bin at Duane Reade.

Mo Star Sighting!

Dish can never resist spending money on overpriced lattes so we went back to Le Pain Quotidien for the second time. As we entered, a salt-n-peppered Mo Rocca, which sounds too much like the drink we ordered, exited carrying a Bandes aux Fruits (strawberry turnover). Buried under our coat so as to hide our bad hair and bloodshot eyes (allergies), we were nice to hold open the door for him and he thanked us. Yes, he thanked US. A celebrity said something directly to us, thanking us for our kindness, which only happened because we recognized him as a celebrity. Otherwise, girlfriend could have opened the door herself.


Of course, we just spent the last two hours trying to find out his name. And now we're breathing a sigh of rocca latte.

Dish on a Scandal

Every time Dish vows to hate Judi Dench, we can't help loving her. She's just so perfect, like that phony baloney Meryl Streep. She proves her perfection once again in Notes on a Scandal, which details a slightly lesbionic lonely spinster's intense female friendship with pedophiliac Cate Blanchett (who approaches that same perfection, except her lordly voice in Lord of the Rings annoyed us). Chaos and confession ensue between the girls all against the backdrop of Phillip Glass's endless cascading scales. When next we dish with our girlfriends, we're going to have his music playing in the background. It just lends a dramatic tone to everything. In any case, a teen gets to have sex with his art teacher (who doesn't?), Judi stops teaching so she can pick up more chicks, and Cate somehow reconciles with her old turd husband Bill Nighy. All in a day's work for Dame Judi.

We highly recommend and it'll make you think twice about divulging your secrets to a lonely person. With a cat no less. Speaking of which, ours just ralphed on the rug. It's spring!