The Lessons I Learned from Avatar

*The military and the corporate world are uniformly bad.
*You shouldn't judge tribal blue people with cornrows who wear feather headresses and loincloths. They are unique and purely from the director's imagination.
*James Cameron is so brilliant to smush 9/11, the Iraq war, the plight of Native Americans, slavery, Afghanistan (floating mountains we can't navigate--oooh!), the Israeli/Palestinian conflict into one symbolic broohaha. Everyone can relate!
*If you rape a bird, it will take you where you want to go
*No training = immediate employment, especially if you have connections
*If you throw yourself on the biggest red bird, people will accept you--which is much like having a nice car in California.
*On Pandora, everyone is long, lean, and blue (and plays basketball, but you should expect this of tall blue people). Stop obesity now!
*When jellyfish land on your arms, you are Jesus.
*(Peekaboo) "I see you" = "You complete me"
*Ewah = Yahweh
*Sam Worthington = pretty good as a leading boy/man and mostly rose above the bad dialogue he was given
*Sigourney Weaver, Priceless

Even though Dish found this a mind-numbing snoozefest and insulting to the intelligence, James Cameron writes fabulous female characters and presents some sparkly neon images one might appreciate more if one were wasted (which one wasn't last night).

For Shame, People Magazine

In your Greg Louganis story on p. 102, there is a typo: "In the meantime Louganis is happiest whippng up Greek dish at home..." Fix this and know that Louganis is always fixing SEXY Greek dishes at home.

Here's the Problem

We're going backwards and it's not a pretty sight. Claire Danes always runs the risk of uglifying herself, and she is a pretty, pretty girl (homewrecker). In Temple Grandin, she plays the renowned animal expert who has made lemonade of her autism. I can anticipate my future hate-emails but this reminds me of the moment in Tropic Thunder when Robert Downey Jr. told Ben Stiller that Simple Jack failed because he went "full retard." Does Claire do the same? It *is* all about the awards and how "out there" you pretend to be. Because acting is "attracting," I have a hard time believing Claire will win awards for this. The hair is a little Amelia-esque; Claire needs to watch she doesn't go Swank on her looks. I, for one, am sick of Hollywood's awe of niche roles like this, how they blow the characters' experiences into simple sentimental doody that doesn't begin to capture the real story. It's not enough to be an average Dish (except I have double-jointed thumbs). Of course, I haven't seen it and I mean no offense whatsoever to Dr. Grandin. I base this on how much the movie poster made me yak into the toilet.

Smurfy!

The reasons why I don't want to see Avatar:

Bad James Cameron dialogue.
Those blue people scare me, like talking animals and conjoined twins.
I don't want to learn a new blue-people language.
I've seen enough James Cameron movies.
Special effects slow the pacing.
It's a million hours long and my ass can't take it.
He's King of the World again; I want him to fail ONCE.

Why I will go:

Because everyone's seeing it and I'm in eighth grade.
If I'm at a celebrity cocktail party, I have to say I thought Avatar was "great."
Sigourney Weaver is a good reason to plop down 12$.
James Cameron's wife (the one he boinked while with Linda Hamilton), Suzy Amis, is a redhead and is pretty, natural-looking.
TG wants to see it and I've made him watch a lot of crap.
I want to know what those Smurfs do with their tails.

Oops!

Dish forgot (maybe should go to Grammy's): J.D. Salinger died and I'd like to thank him for making 9th Grade English a special treat. I reread The Catcher in the Rye two more times. Did you know that Mel Gibson's character in Conspiracy Theory feels compelled to buy copies of this book? J.D.S. was 91, which ain't bad.

Blessings on his coming and going.

Putting On Airs

TG and I thought Obama's State of the Union speech started out slow and trite, but gained momentum. Because TG makes cynical comments, it caught me off guard to hear him say, "Good for you," at our President. (I still vote for Hillary in my heart)

As successful as this speech was to us, I'm afraid the most noteworthy news of the day is that Jessica Simpson allegedly farted in a business meeting. I hate meetings, too. For my own sanity, I try to imagine celebs shooting cannon fire but it can be difficult. I'm sure Meryl Streep has never farted. If she did, it would go unnoticed. I have the feeling Matthew McConaughey lets loose a spate of dynamite as he's playing his bongos, asphyxiating all of Austin, Texas.

Speaking of gas, the Grammy's are this weekend. I adore music but these melodic functions put the dumbest people in the universe into one room.

Les Francais News!

Finallement, Elizabeth Edwards dump le John parce qu'il a mis son peen dans un autre femme qui wear le headband dans son frizzy blond cheveux. La blonde a donnay le birth a son love-child, qui veut dire que le political career de John est dans le merde-maison pour toujours. Peut-etre, il ferra un peu de good pour un change since he joindre John Travolta en Haiti.

Dish vient de regarder le film (500) Days of Summer. C'est about le heartbreak de Joseph Gordon Levitt qui etait dumped par le prostituee-commitment-peur Zooey DesChanel (qui resemble Katy Perry et Dish les mix up tout le temps!). Beaucoup de relationship-intensity et adorables exchanges. Rente immediatement!

Fais attention: State of the Union est ce soir. Apple a announcay le new iPad. Dish can't wait pour le iTampon.

Dish Gets Political

Chachi/Has-been Scott Baio recently bashed Michelle Obama by wondering how the President could wake up next to her every morning. Chachi is a genius because he's unknowingly generated a massive metaphor for the Obama Presidency. Why would anyone want to wake up with the state of our country every morning? Poor Scott has to wake up with himself every morning, his day in the spotlight not even a speck in our rearview mirrors. I pronounce him an OMP before his time. Fonzie 4 ever!

Rumors are circulating that John Edwards has a sex tape, this just as his right-hand man's tell-all book drops into the hands we'll need to Purrell right after reading. So much talk of hands, liquids, forbidden sex. At least John Travolta is giving a helping hand by flying his non-green gas-guzzling plane to aid those in Haiti. Good for him. It keeps him from his strange action movies where his hair looks painted on. I care about this.

(ps--Michelle is quite attractive)