Anne Hathaway is a National Treasure

Since Billy Crystal was canonized as The Only One Who Can Host the Oscars, I have a difficult time the day after the show. Everyone slams the host, not taking into account the Oscar audience/viewer is The Worst Audience Ever, i.e. ready to unleash the second the first star is spotted on the red carpet. The entire production is steeped in negativity (though Cate Blanchett's dress was truly a shower curtain) with bright spots in genuinely humble speeches and real talent being rewarded. Hathaway worked her butt off and held the show up for everyone. Lots of twisting and running and falling and quipping. I've never seen an actor work so hard to please. Bravo to all those who participated, especially Anne!

Excellent Fashion: Helena Bonham Carter scores big, along with the red dresses worn by Sandra Bullock and Anne Hathaway.

Best Tux/Hair Combo: Colin Firth. He can look dowdy now and then but last night, he gleamed.

Dish's Suggestions for Next Year: Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert and Aaron Sorkin should write the show and this year's writers should be fired. Host choices--Ellen DeGeneres, Hugh Jackman, Robert Downey Jr., Sofia Vergara, Jane Lynch, Steve Carell, and Sean Hayes.

And Dish predicted that James Franco would wind up in drag.

Daily Charlie Sheen: Saw frightening TMZ interviews online. Pale, gaunt, obviously riddled with drugs, could not sit still. I don't know how he'll convince anyone of his sanity. I kind of wish this were really a documentary spoof a la Joachim Phoenix instead of crazy behavior before death. Dish lost hope when Denise Richards filed for divorce while 7 months pregs. She was right all along about how sick he is. If only his family could have him committed. I'd want the same tough love if I went bananas.

Dish's Oscar Picks

Best Picture: The King's Speech (Dish's wish: Black Swan)
Best Actor: Colin Firth, who should have won for A Single Man last year)
Best Actress: Natalie Portman, beautiful and preggo always wins, except for Annette Bening during American Beauty. Annette will get effed over once again (sad because Dish loves her madly).
Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christian Bale, even though he's getting uglier and uglier
Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Helena Bonham Carter (upset but it's time)
Animated Feature Film: Toy Story 3
Art Direction: Alice in Wonderland
Cinematography: Black Swan
Costume Design: Alice in Wonderland
Directing: Darren Aronofsky
Documentary Feature: Restrepo
Documentary Short Subject: Strangers No More
Film Editing: Black Swan
Foreign Language Film: Biutiful
Makeup: The Wolfman
Music (Original Score): The King's Speech
Music (Original Song): "We Belong Together" Toy Story 3
Short Film (Animated): Day and Night
Short Film (Live Action): Wish 143
Sound Editing: Inception
Sound Mixing: Inception
Visual Effects: Alice in Wonderland
Writing (Adapted Screenplay): The Social Network
Writing (Original Screenplay): The King's Speech

If I get half of these right, I'm on a roll.

Julia Dream!

Just as nature intended us to be BFFs, Julia Roberts appeared in my dream last night. I picked her up to go the Oscars. In the car, I was on my best behavior so no crazy-fan-rapid-fire questions (omg, how cool are you, love your cheekbones, where do you buy your yarn, I can't stop watching Notting Hill even though your character was a cow, you and Danny are ssooooo cute together and oh I love New Mexico too, what do you think of me?). I remained serene and Julia-esque myself...until the car stopped for Jeff Bridges. He came out of a narrow break in the hedges. He had two sons following him and they were both high as kites. Jeff got on in on the driver's side, his two high sons scrunched with me and Julia. Jeff proceeded to drive like a crazy person. Thoughts?

As predicted, Parker got the boot from the Spitzer/Parker show. She's better off not sharing the stage with that jackass. So now it'll be the LookAtMeSpitzerLookatMe Show (cue provocative closeups of the man who treated his family/New Yorkers like garbage). There are so many more appealing and benign narcissists I'd rather watch.

Italy Is Style Forward

And always has been. Milan recognized Duran Duran as style icons, evidenced by John Taylor wearing sunglasses indoors (one of Dish's pet peeves). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2kd-7eUwj0&feature=player_embedded#at=82These boys are quite stylish, always have been.

There's a rumor that John Stamos will replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Wouldn't that be the best thing ever? JJ would be even better choice. She needs to be on television spouting her opinions. Though it would wind up being bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep I'm Greek bleep bleep bleep get me another cocktail, bleep bleep, what the bleep does she think she is bleep bleep.

TG is so bored, he's calling our land line from his iPad, ten feet away from me.

Fire Charlie Sheen

...if only to eliminate one media outlet. He's everywhere, being outrageous, crazy and offensive. Maybe we should take his advice and not fret about him. Leave him alone. Like before 2 and 1/2 Men when he barely had a career. Shall I state the obvious? That this is a terrible downward spiral, worse than I've ever seen for Sheen.

So much excitement starting tomorrow: Kelsey Grammer getting married. Where did my invite go? Are they mad my wedding was so amazing and theirs can't compare? Dish's wedding was a miracle 42 years in the making. You can see a middle-aged rich man marrying a 20-something blond every day of the week (that was mean). I'm getting into the Franco/Hathaway hype for the Oscars. They could be great or awful but at least it's an attempt to do something different.

Until Sunday, Dish is immersing herself in Little House on the Prairie. Latest episode: Mr. Edwards watches over the girls while Ma and Pa boink under the stars go into town on a second honeymoon. Hijinks ensue and Ma realizes that while Pa is hot as beans, especially when he's hammering wood with shirt off, she misses her girls.

Minor Agoraphobia

New York overwhelms me almost every day. I'm not sure I want to stay here. Not enough nature, too many people on top of each other. The more crowds on the street, the more I don't like being outside. After all day in front of the computer, reading, I lift my head and the sun is brutal, so are three-dimensional humans. And I have to talk to them, interact, pretend I am normal and social. After an hour of interaction, I do tend to enjoy myself and my time with others...a lot. It's a matter of readjustment after extensive celebrity research. Tonight, Dish went to the theater district to hang in an old stomping ground (where I accidentally befriended a celebrity) and had a blast. People need people.

And you thought Charlie Sheen had problems. No really, Dish is thankful to be Dish. Sheen is in the news for crazy behavior almost every day--new girlfriend, asking ex-wives to move in close by, addiction specialist in house, blowing millions by not working and it's just so hard to be Charlie. His ideal future bride, Lindsay, is allegedly headed to jail. A match made in heaven.

Why the dark tone? Perhaps last night's Glee. I haven't felt a thrill since the first Darren Criss appearance and his singing "Teenage Dream."

The nail on the coffin, I've started reading Virginia Woolf: A Writer's Diary. So many words. So intelligent, observant and articulate. So not US Weekly. I'm going to start calling TG "Leonard." (But don't worry, Dish would never want to replicate VW's life!)

Rapunzel, Rapunzel!

Isn't it great we live in a world where Jennifer Aniston's new hairdo makes international headlines? I peeked, I enjoyed, I'm getting the same style ASAP, especially since we might be roommates neighbors. Then I saw the sad news that four Americans were killed by pirates and not in a Johnny Depp movie. Death, destruction, war, revolt. The world needs perspective and a Xanax.

His religious fervor is weird to me but I love when Tom Cruise stretches himself artistically. His roles in Magnolia, Tropic Thunder, Jerry Maguire and Mission Impossible: 2 contain less camera awareness. Can't wait to see him in Rock of Ages. Think he might be brilliant.

Dish fantasized today about being Duran Duran's long-distance administrative assistant (I type 100+/minute but don't think I could bear close proximity as I'd need a tranquilizer) and career counselor. Thought: "Reach Up for the Sunrise" and "All You Need Is Now" and "What Happens Tomorrow" came from Simon Le Bon's Life Coach. Dish could be Duran Duran's Life Coach. I have so many goals for them: Simon in a feature film, Nick Rhodes creating art franchise in NYC (more Page Six mentions with leggy models), John exec producing and starring in Sugar Town II with Juicy Couture doing the costumes, Roger DJing in New York and Dom, well, finally being the fifth member. Okay, I need a Get a Life Coach--FAST. This is what happens when Glee sucks.

Twenty Minutes Until "The Bachelor" aka TG's Nightmare

I've been instructed to wear earphones so that husband doesn't have to listen to the inanities of The Bachelor. I don't blame him. The cast is as dumb as a box of hair, though Emily is adorable.

Speaking of adorable, Nick Rhodes and I FINALLY agree on the Oscars. http://www.duranduran.com/wordpress/?p=17870 His first-rate sophistication and appreciation for the arts can aggravate Dish. Why not support crap from time to time? But, oh, this year he and I have merging of minds with Black Swan, which was a heavenly panic attack for Dish. Will you be watching The Oscars?

Matt Dillon and Shelly Long on Modern Family--brilliant. I always underestimate how good Matt Dillon really is. He needs an Oscar. Or does he not care? Even cooler.