Another Day, Another Photo of LeAnn Rimes in a Bikini

Screw that, today's hot-throbbing news is that our beloved wackadoo Fred Willard was arrested for open wang-love in a special kind of theater. Poor TG is crying in his Grape Nuts/chocolate almond milk since he'd take a bullet for Fred. Willard was allegedly fired from his PBS show Market Warriors. Kick a man when he's down. Mucho double-entendre, Dishita.

Speaking of disgraced weiners, Anthony Weiner with baby in tow graces the cover of today's Post. I smell a new run for office. Did I not call this the second the scandal broke? The pubic public will forgive you, especially if you spin yourself as Stay-at-home Dad. I'm appalled, shocked, and can't wait to see what happens next.

Bon Jovi on American Idol? YES! I'd watch it, even though he and Dame Edna ruined Season 5 of Ally McBeal. And he's long overdue for a modern haircut.

More reports are surfacing of Griffith and Banderas on the rocks. She's at home soaking her face in ice, the cigarette down to an ash. He's out dirty dancing with some muy caliente chickita. Please stop raining on my parade! I love them.

Rafael Nadal drops out of Olympics. Where is the sun?

A Waiter Dishes...

Last night, while out with my excellent in-laws, we were blessed with an eavesdropping waiter. The second TG mentioned his Charlie Rose experience, Waiter piped in and seconded what a great guy the newsman was. Of course, I was eager for more. Waiters are this country's most powerful untapped resource. They know everything.

"Who else is awesome?" I screeched.

Well, Dishreaders, Waiter complied and gave some fabulous dirt:

Who's awesome: Heather Locklear. She is the embodiment of sweetness. This filled me with pleasure. I've loved her since Dynasty when she played gay Steven's hot jailbait wife.

Who's AWFUL: Jennifer Lopez. If only this would stop me from watching Monster-in-Law. It's a sickness!!!

Uma gave birth to a little Uma. When's she going to get ass back to work? Clock is ticking and Dish needs another Netflix!

Gossip I don't believe: That Demi is pissed at her daughters because they have relationships with Ashton. Dr. Dish feels this is understandable but Demi still needs to step up and just be their mother -- and do another movie! So Melanie Griffith took off her wedding ring to do the dishes. The paps got a picture of her ringless hand and are going batsh*t. Suddenly, she and Antonio are on the rocks. They've been married for 15 years so a divorce is long overdue. Ms. Bony A** needs to get that ring back on.

I'm at the part of Ally McBeal when she has the daughter from frozen eggs and Bon Jovi is doing her plumbing. Do I see a shark? BJ needs to stop wearing turtlenecks and put on some mascara.