Armed and Dangerous

While contemplating Foucault and doing complex mathematics, I feel charged to confess my awe of Kelly Ripa's arms. I manage to watch Live with Regis and Kelly when home on weekdays, mostly for Kelly's witty improv. I've followed her from pudgy teen on All My Children to her now stick figuredness in bright dresses on Live. It's nice to see a skinny b*tch with brains. If I had three children, a job like hers, and a hot husband, my metabolism would skyrocket too. Her ferocious arms (minus tanning makeup) only add to her excellence. Just watch the show and notice when she's sleeveless. It made me run to the gym.

Now Dish is going to go play with her batwings.

Not Tempted

Dish procrastinated by going through Duran Duran's library of videos, which is my crack cocaine. Sadly, my salivating ceased instantly over the video for "Tempted." It's all about women making out, sliding around stripper poles (so five years ago and for female celebs desperate to get into the Post), tempting and writhing in bikinis--while the band sings. Is this supposed to make me think they're cool and artistic instead of gross and cliche? Duran Duran has been ahead of its time in several ways: Simon brushed his hair forward long before Rob Thomas made it popular. The song "Too Much Information" (which has the popular TMI acronym) warns of technology's oppression over humans. Perez Hilton kind of named his book something similar to their latest CD. Now, DD needs to get hip and stop alienating its female fan base. We know they're tempted by tall, skinny models. Thank the goddess, we fat clumsy slobs are safe!
Now delaying work by watching lipstick lesbian romantic comedy Imagine Me & You.

Records Broken and Broken Records

Dish has never done this before: 3 movies going at once. Hamlet 2, which is hell on earth and gets 3 Cat Turds as a rating. I Do (But I Don't), starring Denise Richards whom I secretly love--or maybe I just love Lifetime and movies about wedding planners. Then...Ordinary People and I'm at the point where Conrad is about to learn that Karen committed suicide. This scene always makes me cry and I'm saving it up.

Happy Valentine's Day to all. After working myself into a good mad, I encountered my super who arrived with a big bouquet of fuscia roses. He tried to take credit but they were from Superman. It's nice that at my jaded stage of life, someone can still surprise me.

Deep Dish Pizza

I've been thinking about Octo-mom. It's easy to hate her but I feel sad that she's such an attention whore. This whoredom is viral with the Internets and reality TV. The more focused on screens, the more people want to be on them. Now everyone is capitalizing on Octo-mom. Instead of ignoring and banishing such outrageousness, she's on TV all the time. Angelina is weighing in and Dr. Phil just did a whole show. Oops. Never mind all the above.

So--back to better topics. Dish had a very frustrating Gale Harold dream last night. I'd heard he was in NYC, attending some continuing education Improve Yourself seminar. Great, I thought! Time to follow him. I saw this tall, lanky perfect-haired fellow walking toward a non-descript building in Chelsea and I had to be in his air space. I was close enough to see he wore rouge (just like Dish!). Got into the seminar and sat behind my motorcycle-accidented heartthrob. I leaned closer, then closer...and IT WASN'T GALE! Alas, I was stuck in this seminar....

As a ps. stay tuned for Superman Valentine's details. I've been okay with crumbs but if I get a measly Valentine's text tomorrow, he is truly out the door. Dish can do better! Thanks to He's Just Not That Into You for setting me back on track.

He's Just Not That Into You...

...was a bit of a predictable snore. Wouldn't see it again, but it's a pleasant rental. Netflix will ensure you won't have smack-worthy giggling idiots sitting behind you, as Dish did. Mid-flick, I came to a startling realization: I like Jennifer Aniston. Every time she came on screen, the energy lifted. The media portrays her as the sad ex-wife who lost Brad to Angelina, but she's the lucky one. Not only is she out of the baby factory, she's beholden to no one and looks great.

Ginnifer Goodwin and Jennifer Connelly were fabulous, too. The funnest part was when they got comiserated and supported one another. The men in the movie were stereotypes (cheating spouse, beer-guzzler, gay boyfriend who knows everything, sad puppy, guy who can't commit, and overall d*ckhead). Enter at your own risk!

I don't recommend spending 12$ unless you have two hours to kill and are bored with everything around you.

Ironing and TV

Chapter 453 of Living in the Past: Dish watched a little Ordinary People while ironing tonight. As I singed my fuscia pillow case, leaving a lovely iron mark, I could help noticing how amazing Mary Tyler Moore was. She has one bad scene where she shakes and her face falls apart, but otherwise, she's flawless as the frigid mother who tries to keep up appearances. She may not be warm at home, but she loves to golf and party. It goes without saying, Donald Sutherland is his usual hotness, but I'm keeping a lid on my love.

Valentine's Day, the ickiest day of the year, approaches. Superman will be in Florida and I have two 10$ bets that he'll forget me on VD altogether. Lucky for me, I have some special gay boyfriends ready to pick up the slack. Watch out, Chelsea!

It's Me Who Needs Rescuing

Five years later I watch Rescue Me. I want to love it. 9/11 sucked and I support everyone who gave their lives to saving others. I was busy sniveling and watching TV at the time. Denis Leary deserves accolades for this tremendous project and his devotion to firefighters puts him closer to saintliness. But I hate the show. I'll keep watching but I hate it. (I'll mention that his ex-wife plays twins in Change of Place starring 80s hunka-burning-love Rick Springfield, but that's neither here nor there)

Dish is feeling the blues--not sure if it's the onslaught of Valentine's Day, Rescue Me or my sesame noodles didn't hit the spot. Or it could be the homeless man who spit on me today.

John Rubinstein is Recession Proof

Imagine Dish's surprise to see John as MJ's headmaster on Desperate Housewives, then on Brothers & Sisters as someone else! On DH, John was nice enough to admit Teri Hatcher's adorable son to his school and give her a job (even though she ruined my life twice by marrying Jon Tenney then by having the audacity to make out with Gale Harold on the show). I fell asleep in the middle of B&S so don't remember what John did. Rest assured, my last thought was of John, the excellent nasally Pippin of Broadway past, and how fortunate he was to have two lucrative jobs. At his age, you only hope to get cast as a child molester/fertility specialist on Law & Order: SVU, but John has transcended L&O squalor. He is the light. He is a double-working actor.

And how cool that Sally Field is having relations with Lindsay from Chariots of Fire? It's the only entertaining part of B&S this season. Lindsay is the funnest and might rival Donald Sutherland for my OMP affections.