Sign Me Up

It was an accident. The TV was on and I spent the evening giving myself brain damage. I blame three hours of sleep and too many hours working. First The Real Housewives of New York -- all annoying and mean except for Bethany -- corrupted my youth. Then I got hooked on Millionaire Matchmaker. Before tonight, I'd refused to watch because of Yenta's Cher hair and distracting cleavage. Now I'm a convert. That woman is no BS about getting people together. I don't want her to set me up, but I wouldn't mind shadowing her. To top it off, a Save the Children sort of commercial aired starring a teary Laurie Metcalf begging for help. Flash to needy child crying over his murdered parents. I am this close to ordering Superman to bring us back a baby from Ethiopia. Damn you, Laurie, for pulling at my heartstrings!

Pps.

Does anyone know why there's so much backlash against Miley Cyrus in the last year?

I See Dead People

Ghost Town: I waited for Ricky Gervais to leap out of his skin. He cackled once in his sleep. Gag reflex gag was funny the first time with the laxative (old people tell me how fun colonoscopies are--can't wait!). Of course, witty lines sailed past his deliciously crooked teeth and into cine-space, but not winningly enough to buckle my knees. Billy Campbell's caricature was fine though prefer when he's Mr. Nice Guy (Exception: he was fantastically creepy in Enough). Even Tea and that oversized dog couldn't save this script. Worst of all, Ricky and Tea didn't even kiss, much less shag. The best love story was the semi-Ghost-like communication between Tea and Greg Kinnear, who is so underrated along with Josh Brolin (and Tea) I could cry me a river.

Verdict: As with Evening, a brilliant cast but a script my cat hocked up behind the couch.
ps. Dish would gladly watch this again if it were on TV but will never admit it publicly!

Thursday Thoughts

1. Dreading seeing The Rundown but Superman bought it in an effort to get me to like The Rock. My brother's former nemesis (I carry a grudge) directed it, which is why I boycotted. I will try.

2. Josh Brolin is a genius in W.. I found myself feeling compassion toward W. (I know, I know--he's a criminal). My favorite performance was by Stacey Keach who, for about a minute, made me appreciate allmighty Jesus Christ as our lord and savior who was born swaddled in a manger and preaching love. I was moved to tears. Wasn't Keach busted for coke?

3. Poor Rihanna. Bring in Tina Turner to do an intervention.

4. Not sure if Kath & Kim will fly, but Molly Shannon and the Christopher Guest regular keeps me watching.

5. The Watchmen comes out tomorrow and stars Billy Crudup and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, both of whom were involved with Mary Louise Parker. Dish wonders: did they fight on the set or compare notes?

Fast Notes

Dish crazy busy. Tried to watch Ghost Town due to secret love for Ricky Gervais. Disk messed up! Reported to Netflix immed. Screen nausea prevents me from watching W. except in 10-minute spurts. Secret love transferred to Josh Brolin -- the most underrated actor in Hollywood. Josh Brolin = bad boy you're in love with though he treats you like garbage; Ricky Gervais = fun guy you should wind up with, who becomes attractive as you get older. Both necessary in life. What Dish needs is fresh air. Skin ghostly. Want chocolate desperately but settled for graham crackers, which will wind up on back of my thighs. Hello, XL T-shirt to cover hideous leggings at the gym.

Molly, Save Yourself!

Sweetheart, he didn't pick you the first time -- good enough reason to bail. Mostly, run from The Bachelor because his eyes are set too close together (and he has no problem razing a girl's self-esteem on TV). He seems cute from afar, but up close, here comes my dinner. When he's 80, he'll be spindly, uber-hideous, and whack small children with a cane. Sure, he's a single father but so are K-Fed, Brett and Tommy Lee. The Bachelor's supposed sense of responsibility is a steaming pile of what my cat just left behind.

Dish never got into The Bachelor as it reads like televised prostitution, but after last night's humiliation of Melissa, I have to make sure Molly does the right thing. I don't buy that crying on the balcony nonsense. He just learned that from his young son. Okay, maybe this is exactly what producers want -- a skeptic like Dish to tune in. Emancipate Molly!

Work Whirlpool

Dish is a Dish-of-all-trades, making use on non-Superman time. No stars' ears are ringing right now. I even drifted off during last night's Brothers & Sisters. Saw lots of heroines running down the halls, Rob Lowe puked a little before collapsing, talkative yet infertile Callista finally snagged a baby of her own, Sally gave sage advice, and the tough-as-nails gay one finally cried.

Alas, my only brush with celebrity today was to see Jennifer Aniston eat a dog biscuit on a German talk show. Did she swallow that bite or spit it out in a napkin? Do German dog biscuits contain a layer of marzipan? I digress from Aniston. Okay, I have nothing else to say.

To revive my show-biz heart, I'm watching Episode 13 of Season Three of QAF. Let's hope Brian Kinney's shenanigans do the trick.

Thank You, Dish's Subconscious

It doesn't happen often. The Cosmic Goddess blessed Dish with a Gale Harold dream. Sadly for me, this one is Rated G:

Dish wanders in a Debra Messing fog as she just married a male acquaintance--for convenience since she's a spinster and he's a drifter on a slow boat to nowheresville. Everyone is talking about it. Dish hopes she doesn't regret the marriage. And what about those math classes she forgot to attend that morning? Is she going to fail Calculus II? Dish sits in a classroom, which is her office, and waits for her husband. He shows up, they eye each other with distrust and confusion. Dish leaves the building for some air and there, fresh from his own life musings, is Gale Harold. He lets Dish hold his hand because that's what you do when you see Gale. He complains about flunking his computer class and sympathizes with Calculus II angst. They walk through a train and get to the last car, seeing their town go bye bye. (WTF?)

Tidbits: His Highness, Superman, touched down in London safely but is en route to Nigeria. Malaria medicine down the hatch! Dish has new love for Jillian Michaels though never experienced The Biggest Loser. Her exercise DVD kicked my butt! And now, I must prepare for a two-hour Brothers and Sisters event. I hope to see many Sally Field hissies. In one trailer, she's running down the hall, which excites me.