Note on
Desperate Housewives: Um, did any of us believe that BS reason for Jackson's proposal? Or Susan's sudden declaration of love? Or that Jackson's really from Canada (though it is a wink for his time in Toronto)? The only thing that rang true was little Juanita's wearing her mother's makeup. I put my freak on with Dishmama's eyeshadow and lipstick as soon as I could reach over the counter! I still sneak into her cabinet and use her products. Oh wait. She might be reading.
Tonight's viewing:
The Next Best Thing--seeing Madonna's bad acting is like macaroni and cheese, hot cocoa at a chalet, hot fudge sundaes. I just love peering into Madonna's world--that with her unfathomable sexual power, she can make Rupert Everett heterosexual for one night. At 36 (41), she's over the hill, barren, speaking with a British accent, and Beta-male Michael Vartan wants to dump her. Madonna takes the pain, kinda smirks through it as she teaches yoga. We know she can twist like a pretzel, which makes her seem so natural, organic, and irresistible to men. My favorite line is when Vartan, unable to resist her hotness, tells her what a great body she has. As if we don't know Madonna wrote that line herself. In my romantic scene with a leading man, I'd have him say something like, "Dish, you have such a small waist and beautiful blue eyes flecked with gray." To me,
The Next Best Thing is Madonna's revenge against Julia Roberts. She does Benjamin Bratt (who was dating Jules during filming) and she does Rupert (which Julia couldn't do in
My Best Friend's Wedding). I just love her, though she blows all her leading men away.
Andrew Morton has declared the topic of his next book: My Butt. No actually, it's Angelina Jolie. Here's my book about Angelina: Bad dad, strange relaysh with brother, angelic mother, cutting herself, many tattoos, screwed female co-star which is so very interesting and who cares, marries Johnny, marries Billy Bob, makes lots o' movies, Oscar, charity, charity, plane lessons, adoption, Brad, so many babies. THE END!
Dish almost forgot to write. With computer troubles and nonsensical angst, I'm feeling the heartburn. I took a walk to calm those raging nerves and watched as a bus idled by. On the side was a big fat poster of Steven Seagal. It was a nice omen (of fatness to come if I don't stop eating these cookies).
I've been sick today, mostly with fear. You see...Dish dropped her laptop. The screen shattered. It's the second computer I've destroyed in a month. My new computer arrived last night. I spent four hours on the phone with IT geeks. Finally, one switch and it works. Dish is saved. I immediately inhaled a cheeseburger after a long food fast and baggy pants. Hollywood would be proud of my willpower.
Dish is a slave to work, buried so thoroughly it probably wasn't the dead dog in Marley & Me that caused an eruption of tears. This is so not a spoiler alert. Everyone knows that all pet movies end in animal death where we learn the lesson that pets are precious empaths. The humans in Marley & Me, Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, possess the spice of a dry potato while "Marley" rages, frolicks, destroys like Britney Spears during post-partum depression. Would that we could all bound through a restaurant, carrying a table behind us, chew up a couch, almost fall out of a moving car. Moral of the story: F&ck it. Moral II of the story: realistic animals + antics that destroy sets + semi-okay dialogue but nothing earth-shattering = blockbuster movie! 
Note on Desperate Housewives: Um, did any of us believe that BS reason for Jackson's proposal? Or Susan's sudden declaration of love? Or that Jackson's really from Canada (though it is a wink for his time in Toronto)? The only thing that rang true was little Juanita's wearing her mother's makeup. I put my freak on with Dishmama's eyeshadow and lipstick as soon as I could reach over the counter! I still sneak into her cabinet and use her products. Oh wait. She might be reading.
Dish can't wait! Four hours until Jackson (GH) asks Susan (Teri Crapper) a very important question on Desperate Housewives. We've been hearing about this "important question" for weeks now. I wonder what the question could be?
As I watched Doubt, I pondered the theme of the story. Hmmm. Maybe it's about skeptism. Contempt? Not that. Maybe it's about DOUBT! I wanted to count how many times the word was used in the movie (many). Usually, the title of a movie comes out toward the end as the big cutesy BLAMO moment. Doubt just uses the word throughout, like "the." Meryl Streep acts her butt off as the bitchy nun who definitely needs to get laid, or at the very least, more hugs. Phillip Seymour Hoffman steps up to the plate as a Jesus-esque priest who is blond, portly, and loves boys. I mean, he loves them in the way he's supposed to but Meryl thinks something dirty is happening. What a perv! I was expecting a huge downer, but it's really the feel-good movie of the year. I loved the nun bonnets and how Meryl and Amy Adams had red eyes from insomnia. They tried to look hideous, but we all see the gorgeousness.
Wolverine opens today and that could be dirty, but I won't go there. It's been getting crappy reviews but will Hugh's allure be box office gold? Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner's movie also drops and I'm not sure why I want to see it. Matthew seems smelly to me, Jennifer is a little collageny (so perfect I hate/love her). Wedding, girl that got away, regrets, big declaration of love, OMP mentor--haven't I seen this before? Then again, I must support the stars. They need money. And I finally understand how they feel:
