Death Happens

Dish took a vacation day, watched Love Happens, which is about a gloomy gus who mourns his wife then stumbles into Jennifer Aniston. Jen writes strange words behind paintings, which he finds adorable. With her long honey streaked tresses and colorful flower arrangements (women + garden = upgraded Hollywood stereotype of perfect romantic femaleness), she woos him back to mental wellness. And thank the goddess, we have another movie with Judy Greer playing the quirky best friend. There aren't enough of them! Martin Sheen delivers a lovely, tear-inducing final shot.

The Superbowl: Carrie Underwood was great until the last note. At least she didn't lipsync! The Who disappointed both Dish and TG. Roger and Pete were out of rhythm with each other and came off as grunting old men. We discussed Pete's previous charge of perusing at child pornography, but TG reminded me Pete was doing research and not being a perv.

Most noteworthy are the photos of Brangelina canoodling during the bowl. This convinces me more than ever that their relationship is fake. The body language is off. Either that or Angelina can't bear to look at Benjamin Button. I'd be a little embarrassed too.

Dr. Conrad Murray is charged with involuntary manslaughter, which seems reasonable, though it's interesting how some of these celebrity deaths don't put enough blame on the victim for reckless drug use. I'd be thanking Dr. Murray for putting me out of my misery! Though these celebrity docs do need to stop overprescribing (that doesn't include you, DishDoctor!).

Best news of all, I'm hoping to receive my overpriced Falling for Grace DVD soon!

Superbowl 'Bortion

J.J. can avert his eyes, but in case you haven't heard: Today is Superbowl Sunday, where a bunch of fat men in white tights run at each other and land in a sweaty heap. Dish has a freakish love of sports and will attend the silliness. The only bone I have to pick is over the anti-abortion commercial that will air. Shirley, the Tea Party is behind it. Must I remind everyone of the Pee Party? Dish will be drinking beer and whizzing throughout, pondering this great nation.

My biggest concern is over a little piece I read in The Post this morning: Who was caught canoodling but Meredith Ostrom (our beloved Nick Rhodes's girlfriend) and Topper (or Bopper or Poopsie) Tinsley Buckets Mortimer Puffcake. I'm only concerned for Nick's broken heart. Then again, he should know better than to hook up with someone so much younger and far more inclined to boink a Jonas Brother later on. Dish feels Meredith is crazy to stray from a Duran!

In personal news: TG sports a glow after brunch with my parents. He is all smiles, recounting parts of the event, even singing. He'll be away part of the weekend of Dishstepfather's birthday, but I envision him racing back to New York, love ballads playing in the car to make it in time to celebrate the birth of King Grumpus, his idol.

Update: Nick and Meredith are history as of year ago! Dish is obviously too focused on other things. Must catch up.

I love Stockard Channing

But before that: Sadly, Duran Duran's Nick Rhodes loved Avatar. Usually I'm so in sync with Duran Duran. One must accept that humans differ (though DD is made up of deities) in their preferences. I will remain true to my opinion in feeling that Avatar was ungodly boring sh*t.

Speaking of which, the ex-Edwards aide was found in contempt of court for not handing over the sex tape. Dish senses an episode of Teletubbies is on the tape. Stupid people belong in jail.

Speaking of which, Russell Crowe has a new pile of crap due out far too soon, Robin Hood. My rumbling bowels inform me a preview will air during the Super Bowl. It looks terrible, like Gladiator and Bravefart mixed together. Russell can barely conceal the sweaty rolls of fat within his chainmail. I feel sorry that Cate Blanchett has to kiss him as, like Gerard Butler, he probably smells like stale beer and cigs.

Oh...totally different topic. Watched three Stockard Channing movies this week and am reminded how much I love her. There's never enough Stockard Channing on the screen. She nails it every time. Now she just needs to have a lesbian affair with Cherry Jones on 24, maybe with Jack Bauer jumping in at the end. Stockard forever!

Politics Is My (Tea) Bag

There's so much in the news about the Tea Party. Beyond what happened in 1776, I can't imagine what this means. From TV coverage, it looks like a grass roots campaign of fat religious people who are pissed and want change. I've decided we need a bolder mandate so Dish is starting The Pee Party. The bylaws include:

1. Drink at least 2 liters of water a day except on days when giving long speeches. Watch how often you go to the bathroom and how your urine becomes transparent.

2. If you include vitamins in this regimen, all bets are off as your pee turns neon yellow.

3. Abolish student loans.

4. It's better to have guests over since you can make your pee hit the bowl so as not to make a sound. If in a foreign bathroom, it could be loud and then people would know you have bodily functions.

5. Include a sin tax on alcohol and cigarettes.

6. We know how asparagus affects these bylaws so let's not even go there.

I took a break from my political strategizing and my new mission by watching Notorious with the notorious TG. I made him drink lots of water.

My Drug of Choice

This is what happens to middle-aged women. Yesterday, Dish bundled up and went out into the cold, in search of needles. Only one hour and TG wouldn't notice my absence, would he? No one had to know. I'd gotten rid of several bags of unused yarn before his arrival in December, donating it to charity (Madame T). After frantic darting over to Sixth Avenue, I entered the hot spot, mesmerized by walls of yarn. My instinct was to grab a basket and load it with random skeins. If you don't know what a skein is, you're safe. I resisted utter wildness and only purchased 4 skeins of baby yarn (for no one, I just had to have it, okay?) at $4.99 and the needles. Don't judge me. It's my crack.

Speaking of drugs, what a surprise: Brittany Murphy's death ruled an accident from pneumonia, anemia, and multiple drugs (so far they just listed cough syrup and cramp meds). Casey Johnson also died of natural causes, i.e. diabetes (though her lifestyle didn't help!).

No judging! So glad I can't smoke, snort or shoot yarn into my veins.

Smile for the Camera

Andrew Young and his weird wife were on The View whoring his new tell-all The Politician about the Edwardses. They claimed to still love John and Elizabeth but are ripping them a new one. If I could write a tell-all about everyone who's effed me over, I'd be a guzillionaire. Dish knows fame last about 7.5 minutes and my secrets (Leif Garrett and Shaun Cassidy are ugly) will come out from my grave. The Youngs were a strange couple and I have the sneaking feeling "I" statements are very important to them: I'm hearing that you're claiming to be the father of that camera woman's child and I'm concerned. Dish would suggest real communication: You rabid uncle-f*cker, how dare you lie for that thunder-c*nt John Edwards! I'm just saying...

FYI--Mel Gibson is still a d*ck and called Dean Richards, who was interviewing him quite delicately, an a-hole. We hate Mel!

You might wonder why Dish is swearing so much. My simple teeth cleaning turned into a rebonding session with lots of novocaine. The nice part: Dentist said I was "very thin."

Dish for New York Senate!

I feel we need to start from scratch in the New York Senate. Schumer dissed our Hillary and Gillenblond is too conservative. Last night, Harold Ford, Jr. got his hiney smacked by Stephen Colbert and I found him annoying from the onset. We need someone new. Someone who will tell you:

who's effing who in the Capitol
who hires prostitutes for those long "good will" missions overseas
who burps and farts during meetings
whose wife is an ice princess
who's secretly insane
who eats like a big fat hog

We need DISH in the Senate!

Nepotism: It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

Thanks to a tip from Dishbrother, I could be sitting (standing) in SGI-NYC's regal ballroom listening to Courtney Love emote about becoming a Buddhist. It would have entailed waiting. Dish would walk miles and wait for Julia Roberts or Simon Le Bon (I did wait three hours for Steven Seagal and struck out). Not Courtney Love. I've read her blog, I was all for Comeback #1 circa 1996-8 when Versace got his hands on her and she was an actress.

More important: Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend broke up after nine years. I've waited this relationship out, knowing all too well when an actress gets successful and wins some Oscars, she's bound to get dumped or lose interest in her less successful beau. That said, Stuart Townsend is my very favorite vampire and the only Lestat. He was also fabulous in Will & Grace.

Speaking of Lestat, I saw the trailer for Tom Cruise's new movie Knight and Day and it looks AMAZING! This flick is perfect for Cruise (Cameron Diaz has SO had at least one nose job). TG remarked Tom is aging well. Scientology keeps everyone young.

Have you heard Billy Idol might be considered as the new lead singer for Aerosmith? I'd go to that concert!