More Mercury

It's criminal that Dish should resort to leeching off Dishmama's Wi-fi while Verizon collects $$$ and doesn't fix the phone after four days. But do I ever complain? Probably not enough beyond passive-aggressive blogging.

Serendipiditelliously, in proper head-covering attire (and fabulous dark eyeshadow) Angelina Jolie visited flood victims in Pakistan. Keep helping others, AJ! It makes the Lindsays, Snookis and Mels look even more pathetic. Continuing upheaval on the housewives of New Jersey--who is coming/not coming back for another tacky season. The table-flipper might not return and we already know mentally challenged (as in IQ of below 80) Danielle is out of there. There are flutterings that Halle Berry may be canoodling with Unfaithful's Olivier Martinez. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Via DVD, Dish did Jillian Michaels's butch yoga workout. She kept touching the other yoga girls to "fix their form" and repeated "that's my girl!" to the hot blonde. Who knew yoga could be so lesbionic and aerobic? As with her buns workout, Jillian kicked my butt.

Scary Saintly Angelina

I keep thinking: What big thing is about to blow in celebrity-land? It's been the same story: Lindsay, Mel, drugs, cheating, housewife, drugs, cheating, divorce, baby bump, charity drive. My No-DSL vacation might be for the best. I've been immersed in Andrew Morton's biography on Angelina Jolie, which makes me see how screwed up her whole family is. I mean, REALLY screwed up, beyond what I could imagine for her. With each page, I grow more tired, sad over her life and wondering what will happen next. As expected, she's super-complex and it's hard to envision all the phases she's survived. For me, she's too big to watch on screen anymore and I can't see her as a character. Nor do the people in her life seem much more than props. She's left behind lots of buried bodies. To wrap my mind around the whole history, I have to see her as a humanitarian in the end, for all the traveling and charity work she does, which is impressive.

Angelina is definitely both a destructive and creative force. And when you talk destructive, I mean, super-destructive, as in someone must have been watching over her. And creative for being able to change so powerfully. I enjoy her earlier work the most: Gia and The Bone Collector. Hope she continues to pursue charity with a passion, but I'm glad I never crossed paths with her in high school as she would have stepped on me...and I'm so much older than she is.

Mercury In Retrograde

Dish apologizes for the two-day absence. Thanks to Verizon, I have no DSL in my apartment, thus am relying on a nomadic schedule to post. All I can say is %&$*%&$! Verizon claims no one can fix it for several days. If I didn't have a cell phone and I accidentally broke my leg and chopped my hand off, I'd have to limp to the hospital myself or ask my neighbor--who hates me--to collect and deliver me. All I can say is: I'm changing to Sprint, you Verizon a-holes!!!

Housewives

I just saw the ad for The Real Beverly Hills Housewives. All the women have long tresses spilling over their breasts. Doesn't anyone have chin-length hair anymore or is the long hair a desperate desire to appear young? They're all clad in evening dresses, too, the kind Vanna White wears to turn the letters. Why does "housewife" seem synonymous with "trashy" on TV? Can one of them wear a suit or get a pixie?

My happy thought for the day is that finally Kate Winslet is dating someone attractive. After years of being the pretty one in the relationship, she is seen around town with model Louis Dowler, who is the vinegar to Kate's baking soda. TNT hotness!

Dish Said Yes to the Dress!

My search for the perfect wedding dress is over. It only took three stores and two hours of fitting and measuring. We never had the moment where Dishmama looked at me and cried. I didn't get misty because shopping is not an activity that ever makes me cry unless I have low blood sugar. But it was fun to try on huge marshmallow gowns and pose in front of so many mirrors. I put on one unlikely yet gorgeous gown and it *felt* right, like MY dress. Perhaps, Dish subconsciously chose her dress because of two great dresses in film. I would list them down but little Mr. Nosy-Groom might snoop.

Back to celeb news: Jesse James + Kat Von D = a lot of ink. JJ's affair with Bombshell McGee points toward his having a type. Why did he marry Sandra Bullock in the first place? Obviously, he had a rash of good taste and good luck (rash is a fine word). Didn't he intend to wait for SB? Is his new love aware of what she's getting? People have needs, I guess--especially if they have tattoos. SB is probably thinking: Ugh, thank Gawwwwwd. But kinda sick that he moved to her hometown. In interviews they will claim that they want the best for each other and they've worked on healing from all the pain.

By the way, does anyone know if there's an instrumental version of Duran Duran's "Rio"--say one that would be good for Dish walking down the aisle?

Hillary Clinton's Sexy New Hair!

She makes Middle East peace negotiations muy caliente. Loving the longer, shaped hair and some zestier fashions (i.e. wild green rehearsal dinner dress). Is Hillary going through a new phase? Whatever it is, we like it!

Happy Birthday, Keanu Reeves!

What a blessed day when Keanu rushed into the world crying, "Dude." He's shined a bright light into our lives with legendary celluloid: Little Buddha, My Own Private Idaho, Parenthood, Chain Reaction, Babes in Toyland, Point Break, Speed, The Matrix, and The Lake House. Bravo! (Keep your hands off him, Charlize Theron!!! Just because you're beautiful, blond and talented, doesn't mean you can have EVERYTHING!!!)

Rumor has it Harvey Keitel might take over for Steve Carrell in The Office. An inspired choice. Maybe add Christopher Walken? Troubling is that Michael Douglas's cancer is more serious than we'd thought. Sending all healing vibes to Gordon Gekko!

The Hours in Chelsea

It's the dark ages for Dish but not so bad that I'd put rocks in my pockets and go for a swim. That's such a lame way to die anyway, and it would take boulders to sink Dish. I'm getting pummeled from all sides but worse nastiness has entered my life. I have a lot to be thankful for (namely TG, DM, Dishbrother and friends). I should probably summon Ari from Entourage as my muse. No weepy Nicole Kidman with bad prosthetic nose.

FYI--Seriously investigating how to incorporate Duran Duran during the wedding.