The Ides of September

Oh hell. Just as I'm writing this, I realize I'm missing Hellcats. TG and I decided to be cultivated and watch Changing Times (2004) starring a less portly Gerard Depardieu and wide-jawed Catherine Deneuve. After an hour, we realized it was a piece of crap with some good craftsmanship. Vomiting, diarrhea, effed up love affair and, surely, by the end someone will die in the middle of a wasteland. Vive la France! We nixed it.

So, lots of buzz about Ashton Kutcher's potential cheating, which might be the only thing he doesn't do on Twitter. Dish stopped following him and life got much easier. J.Lo will be on American Idol, thank God because we were worried no one would be supporting Max and Emme since the Cryptkeeper Marc Anthony ain't doing much except being creepy arm candy. Then I read Diane Lane and Bon Jovi used to be an item, which makes sense since they were both equally gorgeous twenty-some years ago (well, still it's a draw). JJ went to high school with Bon and said he was a huge geek. Well, both of them turned out cute so who cares?

Les Politiques!

Beaucoup de news! Les Tea Partee Candidates winnent les offices in quelques states, which means que les Democrats vont winner when it counts parce que le Tea Partay sont tres crazee. Plus important, Oprah send son audience de screaming femmes a Australia et John Travolta va flyer le plane! Theme song pour le trip: Staying Alive.

Rumors has it que Mr. Moustache Himself Tom Selleck film dans le Woolworth Building area de New York tomorrow. Dish est tres tres jalouse de ne pas etre there but j'ai have to work autrepart. Dans autres sundry claims, Josh Brolin maintain qu'il ne beat pas le sh*t out of Diane Lane. Je hate to say it but je pense que c'est un effed up marriage. Un autre effed up marriage, les rumours existent que Ken Pave et Jessica Simpson ne sont plus BFF. What about le magique en India? C'est tragique quand le pop star separate avec son hairstylist.

Maintenant, TG play avec les paws de TGCat. Peace et Joie dans le home de Dish.

US Open--Finally, The Men's Final

My stomach is in knots over the men's final of the US Open. Nadal has to win over Djokovich. He is more skilled, works harder in his weak areas, doesn't bitch&moan, is more professional and he's Spanish. The Spaniards have won all year. Nadal has never won the US Open. It's his time.

I turned off the VMAs after Justin Bieber's performance, which was slick but horrifically lip-synched. Don't singers sing anymore? Glad that Gaga won an award. It amazes me how strong the tide is against Chelsea Handler--or any award show host, for that matter. If you host, you're destined to be slaughtered in the press.

Rumors abound again that Penelope Cruz has a sopapilla in the oven. From pictures, she does look as big as a house but maybe she's just fat. My gay boyfriends are all in heat over Bardem and maintain that any pregnancy between them did not happen the old-fashioned way.

A Duran Duran Plea

Dish is determined to walk down the aisle to Duran Duran's "Rio." But of course, it should be instrumental and slower. If anyone knows of such a version of "Rio," please comment and point me in the right direction!

After 26 years of full-on obsession, I deserve to have that music playing when I'm about to get married, n'est-ce pas? Picture it: a swanky NYC venue, lots of unsuspecting family and friends waiting for appropriate music until strains of a familiar, much more fun song as I walk down the aisle. TG and family might be mortified but I am only doing this once. This is the only issue that will make me a bridezilla.

I will reward the winning helper with a copy of my 50-page typed high school term paper on the band.

Sunday Potpourri

Filmmaker Claude Chabrol has passed away. I loved Claude because he brought some great divas together in movies, such as La Cérémonie with Jacqueline Bisset and Isabelle Huppert. Une Affaire de Femmes is also quite powerful. Dish was in Paris when that one came out and my teacher at the time said I looked like Huppert. I wish!!! Blessings on Chabrol's coming and going.

So, we all yawned collectively over Joachin Phoenix's I'm Still Here appearing in theaters. A brilliant actor, he decided to become weird and try to develop buzz but the viewing public was onto him ages ago.

With too many episodes of Snapped and Criminal Minds giving us nightmares, TG and I turned to Hellcats on the CW. Okay, the real reason is that Gale Harold is supposed to make an appearance as a professor (tee hee). TG asked who "Gale Howard" was again: my former imaginary boyfriend before I had to break up with him for Jon Hamm. Sadly, Jon and I didn't have any imaginary chemistry so I went back to Gale. Gale didn't appear on Episode 1 but, lo and behold, Gail O'Grady did! She is my Lifetime goddess, except it's obvious she had major amounts of face work done, which broke my heart. Hellcats is a delight and I recommend it as fun fluff. Ashley Tisdale also stars.

Now onto the VMAs where the average IQ drops to about 50.

9/11

I probably shouldn't say this, but in addition to mourning the catastrophic events of 9/11, I also remembered that John Ritter died on 9/11/03 and what a sad loss. Loved him especially in Sling Blade. I will trip over the couch and fall on my face in his honor.

Today, Federer's loss sent me headlong into an emergency dose of seltzer and peanut butter crackers. A US Open Federer-Nadal match is out of the question and I never warmed up to Djokovich. Nadal all the way tomorrow!

A tragic occurrence: Kevin Jonas snores so loudly his new wife is sleeping in the guest room. As someone who has lived with others with sleep apnea, just wear the goddamn Darth Vader breathing mask, Kevin. It's not sexy but it's better than choking on your own flesh. More sadness in that Bristol Palin is supposedly missing some of her rehearsals for Dancing with the Stars. Ready for some embarrassing wooden dancing?

Tomorrow is tennis and the VMAs. Dreading references to Kanye's bad behavior. He needs no more attention. Happy September 12th to everyone.

Farenheit in Florida

Here's something to burn: the clothes worn on the Jersey Shore. So glad it's after Labor Day since skanky beachwear and fake boobs can be boxed and covered. I'll get this out of my system: At lunch, my dining partner and I discussed how uninteresting Lindsay Lohan is. Didn't have much of a career before she became a public screwup. Child actors should be replaced by robots. You get about the same amount of talent.

Happier news: Peter Krause and Lauren Graham seem to be a couple. It's a trade-up from Matthew Perry who has lost his chin and his career (though I have hope). Lastly, the world mourns as Amanda Bynes, star of the iconic What a Girl Wants, has deleted her Twitter account.

Dish Is Back Online!

A light at the end of the tunnel: Verizon appeared at a decent time, power restored. Back to keeping up with my celebs, TG and I can stop watching Criminal Minds and, holy bananas, who's this weirdo wanting to burn the Koran? If it were a smart weirdo proving an actual point (aside from spreading more hate), I might think he had freedom of expression. But this guy sounded like an inarticulate jackass!

In any case, more important things: Madonna took the F train. Love her for any reason but she should be praised for suffering one of the most unreliable lines in the city. A true New York girl.

The National Enquirer just outed Jim Parsons. I always say there's a fine line between Gay and Geek.

On a sadder note Rich Cronin of LFO died of Leukemia...and Hugh Grant just got a year older, poor puss.