Will You Be Watching the Royal Wedding?

William and Kate's wedding. Does Dish wake up early to watch live or DVR? So many options in the modern age. I thought I cared more about the wedding, but as it turns out, I was more interested in MY wedding.

The Flip Cam is no longer. Was it something we said?

Is it my imagination or is Nurse Jackie not as good this season? Maybe it's because she's not having sex with Eddie. I still enjoy her hidden pill popping.

We're seeing The Book of Mormon on Broadway this weekend. Not surprised it's getting good reviews since it's written by geniuses. Broadway isn't used to great writing these days.

Dish Confessions and Thoughts:

1. If Nick Rhodes and I worked together, we would have creative differences.
2. I'd like to be one of the Real Housewives...just for a week.
3. Jennifer Hudson and Sarah Rue looked more beautiful with extra poundage.
4. My ultimate girl crushes are Katherine Moennig and Jane Lynch. (I broke up with Jennifer Connelly due to low visibility)
5. The little mics hooked to actors on stage really bother me. What happened to projecting?
6. Worried about Natalie Portman's romantic future.
7. I don't believe the rumor that Scarlett Johansson is pregnant with Sean Penn's child. I think she's just fleshy because she doesn't exercise. Still gorgeous (see #3).

Oink!

Someone who has direct contact with Duran Duran just contacted me (I guess ranting does get you somewhere, even if it's nowhere). Sure, I'm a little giddy, but this is 24 years ago all over again. The tears of joy I shed in the smoking room of my girls dormitory, dreaming about how John Taylor actually knew my name, his ear molecules absorbing syllables related to my person, that he might look over the swarm of blondes to contact a chubby jail-bait redhead at a Connecticut prep school. I should have learned a lesson from Carrie.

I'm an adult. Just as brushing past Julia Roberts almost got me killed, I should probably never meet my heroes (even though it's the ONLY thing on my Bucket List).

But I will most definitely see them in concert this fall. Because they got me an A+ on my high school term paper (50 pages), I will buy a seat up close. Let the pigs' blood fall on me!

Boinking to Produce the Messiah

So many pregnancies--some planned, some seem conceived in a Hollywood loo. With apocalyptic 2012 on its way, it seems as if stars are furiously trying to create our next savior with this rash of pregnancies. I embrace this new herd of superior star-progeny...but I also embrace the Great Beyond, where Elizabeth Taylor has gone for her permanent vacation. Psychic Sylvia Brown alleges Heaven is 72 degrees with the deceased hovering three feet off the ground. Sounds much like Winter Park, Florida though it was my hair hovering three feet above my head this past weekend.

New babies: If only to show us some meat on her spindly arms, Tori Spelling is pregnant with baby #3. I miss her show when it was just her and Dean going through "hell" due to their hectic schedules (and Dean's volcanic farting). I'll show you a hectic schedule. In strange couplings, party girl Kimberly Stewart is having Benicio Del Toro's spawn. Odd to think he's only a year old than I am and looks about 60. I had high hopes for his career.

All you new babymamas, remember to PUSH. Oh wait, you'll probably have scheduled C sections (Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, it seems sane to Dish). Never mind.

Stinking Up the Place

Man fixing the shower at New York Sports Club. No shower for Dish after sweaty run. Save yourself.

My 24-year-old self cries at the news that Keanu and Charlize may go public as a couple. They had lovely chemistry in The Devil's Advocate and Sweet November, so I knew this would happen. My current self wants to see them photographed together--as they must be stunning--and wishes them every happiness.

One of the Sister Wives is preggo. Doesn't anyone worry about overpopulation? One is enough.

Dish is reading Stacy Shiff's Cleopatra: A Life. Today in faint parallels: Hot queen seduces older man, stealing him away from someone else. Uproar, as she amasses even more glory as major player in world events. Older man falls by the wayside--by stabbing or string of bad movies/decision that he's a musician. Hot queen seduces already taken man/heartthrob, bears his twins. Holy Isis-and-Osiris, it's Angelina! She's allegedly starring in the new Cleopatra flick--an obvious casting choice, except Cleo might not have been so hot as she was a master tactician. Don't think it would be a good movie, but HBO--for sure! Executive producers, remember the bombs, Troy and Alexander. Audiences aren't that keen to go so far back for 13$.

JetBlue: Damn you for your friendliness, plush seats and those little TVs. You got me hooked on Real Housewives of Orange County! I can't get enough of those plastic faces.

Last Day of Weekend, i.e. Sunday

Not much to report. I am still in Orlando, about to leave this paradise and return to the cold streets of New York. Biggest newsflash is that TG and I watched Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior and found it intensely boring (but the story was good). Janine Garafolo (sp.) is excellent but it's not the right vehicle for Forest Whitaker. Just zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Back to Vitamin D for me.

Secretly posted from TG's iPad

Taking a little break from vacation to report the news that Charlie Sheen bombed at Radio City Music Hall. Oh, thank goodness that the audience didn't celebrate crap as it sometimes does! Let's reject this LOSING mediocrity.

A moment of silence to mourn the passing of Sidney Lumet, one of Dish's favorites who brought us Network, The Verdict and The Wiz. Blessings on his coming and going.

The remake of Arthur has bombed. I don't know why this pleases me except that it should have starred Helen Mirren. It's too much the same as the original and Russell Brand can be annoying. Totally subjective.

Dish in-laws disgusted with tweens who have viral autotuned hits such as Jenna Rose and Rebecca Black. TG might make a video depicting and singing about his routine.

Very Fast Post

Dish is in Orlando, fast on the heels of Duran Duran. I have to put their current tour out of my mind.

Thoughts:
Do you think Donald Trump has a chance in hell if he runs on the GOP ticket?
Where did Orlando Bloom's career go?
I was disappointed by the boring-ness of last night's Real Housewives of New York City. Not surprised though. We've seen them all be awful. I might have to watch again to make sure it was bad.
Caught an hour of The Switch--not as bad as The Bounty Hunter. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Bateman are kind of sweet together.

Great strides:
Dish actually worked during a plane ride. For at least 90 minutes. I only squeezed TG's hand in a death grip upon landing. The flight was okay, though we were flying in a garbage can, and the attendants never gave us our promised cookies. Is this typical for Delta?

Boring Borgias?

Jeremy looks like Dr. Evil in this poster. Is this miniseries soporific or is my attention span gone? Summary: a bad guy becomes pope, like this is something new. Jeremy Irons is masterful, though, and I'm just bored. Maybe it's all the accents....Will retreat to utter depravity with Real Housewives of New York.

Here's a cute romantic dramedy TG will be forced to watch. Though we both love Steve Carrell. Can't tell if it'll be good, though. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDLhjm-0rJQ. Stick 'em on horses back 200 years ago and it might be innovative.

What the hell, Japan? Too much.