The World Still Ablaze with Shock over Clooney Breakup!

Stacy and George supposedly didn't knock boots for months before he broke up with her on the phone. After their 30-second breakup ("I'm sorry, but I need to be gorgeous by myself"), Stacy threw the phone across the room and immediately phoned Gerard Butler, king of the rebound hos, but he was busy waiting for the magic unicorn that is Jennifer Aniston who is no doubt on the verge of a breakup with Justin (via text). Rumors abound that Clooney is already cozying up to a new mysterious lady named Derek.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck has left The View and will soon appear on Fox. Ya know, I'm happy for her. She stuck in there on a difficult show where her view was in the minority. She belongs at Fox.

There is a Khloe and Lamar cheating scandal that seems rather bogus. Though, I stand by this credo: never date an athlete.

George Clooney Is Single Again--And The Planet Explodes with Joy

Though, having tracked the love lives of most celebs, I know that patterns rarely change. He will find another lovely somewhat unknown lady and date her for a couple years before moving on. This process is as old as time, like the one where I reach for three Altoids when I'm nervous and can't find an exit, like when I follow TG into the kitchen because I want to irritate him. Dish only likes George's work, not his buns. It's a taste thing. Lots of friends lust after George. Don't you think he's getting skeevy with the beard? I'm sorry, that's a loaded question. What I love about George is his sense of humor and how he made Julia laugh so much during filming of Ocean's 11.

Speaking of skeevy, will NYC forgive the wonder-lust twins Weiner and Spitzer as they both seek political office, mayor and comptroller disrespectfully? If I can bear voting, it will be for anyone else. My cynical heart thinks they both might win.

This Dude Is Never Happy

I'm always trying to find programs both TG and I would like. By chance, we stumbled onto Ray Donovan after Dexter. It has full-blown testosterone for TG. For me, there is, well, I like the same thing. Gore galore. The only drawback: those Boston accents that come and go. Also, does Liev ever seem jolly in a movie/show? The answer is no. He does that solemn thing so well. My favorite part is the return of Shane (Katherine Moennig) from The L Word. Use her well and often.

I noticed in the last year that I've stopped scouring Perez Hilton's site. It used to be my Go-To, but lately he's been doing these video-logs of latest gossip and it's not entertaining. He's just so whiny and "guess what" and "this is SOOOO not right." It's mostly stuff we sort of already know (that Justin and Jennifer might be on the rocks or doing fertility dances bi-coastally). Some people should just stick to writing. My opinion.

And now I have a terrible confession to make. Since I finished with Army Wives, I've suffered abandonment issues. I don't know what to watch and I feel as if my good friends have left. So I did the unthinkable, something I thought I'd NEVER do because it seems like the stupidest show ever. I started watching Grey's Anatomy from the very beginning. Did you know that Renee Zellweger and Meredith Grey have the same voice? And that voiceover thing is so not overdone at all. Some of the acting is terrible, I see multiple counts of anorexia, highly unmedical practices and unnecessary speechifying everywhere, but does that stop me?

Some People Can't Stay Apart

So Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber felt those fireworks over the holiday and so did John Mayer and Katy Perry (grrrrr). I think one of these couples will procreate, just because they photograph well (as long as his face isn't visible).

An amusing piece in the Post: the late Night Stalker Richard Ramirez allegedly admitted to his fondness for Ted Levine's psycho in Silence of the Lambs. Levine responded to this, "F*ck him. I hope he's in hell." It reminds me of Nancy Pelosi's response to Michele Bachmann's outrage over Dead Doma: "Who cares?"

TG and I are at the point in Six Feet Under where Lisa disappears. This part gave me nightmares.

Happy Fourth of July!

Because the stars are off celebrating (no one is being nuts), I will take this space to wish you the best of holidays and I hope you have the rest of the week off. TG and I just got a new couch. The novelty of new furniture is pretty amazing. It's lethah. (I think)

Aniston Got Sick on a Big Mac!

So our dear Jennifer admitted to eating junk food (essential JF, tho) and it didn't agree with her. Sorry, people, but while you're celebrating the Fourth, I'll be imagining Jennifer having the sh*ts. It's just where my brain goes. It's okay, Jen, the same thing happens to be when I even look at, much less eat, gazpacho. How I love McDonald's vanilla shakes instead--and the Aniston.

Just caught up with Scientology and discovered that Tommy Davis is no longer its ardent spokesperson. Would love to have been a Xenu fly on the wall when that went down. Maybe not. They scare and fascinate me.

Scandal's Kerry Washington, it seems, secretly got married which out those nasty rumors of a flirtation with Tony Goldwyn to rest. Dish never believed that in the first place.

I Skipped Meditation Class

Because I needed the healing zen of Real Housewives of Orange County and berry rhubarb pie. I'm astounded by how Alexis is back to being the good one and now Gretchen is the evil, selfish liar. in this whole thing, too, Heather is the queen, not Vicki. I'm waiting for some serious yelling.

Sad, Happy, Cool, Excellent and Annoying!

Dishtears tonight for Pierce Brosnan and his family as he loses his daughter Charlotte to ovarian cancer. This is also the disease that took his wife and her mother. Blah! I feel so bad.

I'd been waiting months for Jessica Simpson to give birth. She's been pregnant for too long, and at last, she will endeavor to be skinny again. Oh wait... Anyway, her precious son's name is Ace Knute. Not so bad.

In boinking news, Superman and The Tudors' Henry Cavill is allegedly "Big Banging" Kaley Cuoco. I can totally see this.

If you watched Dexter last night, you must have noticed a whole new level of sophistication, not only with the carved head, but with the appearance of Charlotte Rampling. She ups any show/film's game. Not only is she impossibly sexy in that Helen Mirren way, she's creepy. I can't wait to see the next ep and I've been bored with Dexter since John Lithgow left.

Lastly, my cholesterol is 206 200, which irks me. 173 last year. No more butter for me. Okay, no more French fries and burgers either. At least no diabooties. The doc had the nerve to suggest I eat whole grains, olive oil, fresh veggies (like I'm an imbecile) and cut back on red meat...and do more cardio, too. More cardio, really? Has he met me? This sucks! But also, counting my blessings. I am healthy just insane.