George Clooney Is Single Again--And The Planet Explodes with Joy

Though, having tracked the love lives of most celebs, I know that patterns rarely change. He will find another lovely somewhat unknown lady and date her for a couple years before moving on. This process is as old as time, like the one where I reach for three Altoids when I'm nervous and can't find an exit, like when I follow TG into the kitchen because I want to irritate him. Dish only likes George's work, not his buns. It's a taste thing. Lots of friends lust after George. Don't you think he's getting skeevy with the beard? I'm sorry, that's a loaded question. What I love about George is his sense of humor and how he made Julia laugh so much during filming of Ocean's 11.

Speaking of skeevy, will NYC forgive the wonder-lust twins Weiner and Spitzer as they both seek political office, mayor and comptroller disrespectfully? If I can bear voting, it will be for anyone else. My cynical heart thinks they both might win.

You'd think celebrities would watch what they say...

...but often they just spout nonsense and cliches. Every now and then you'll get an articulate jewel like George Clooney, Meryl, Julia, and--yes, I'm biased--every member of Duran Duran (the British sound smarter). Sadly, some stars have no control. They go with the moment and forget to think. Then it's too late and every group is demanding an apology. Relevant talk show host ten years ago Carson Daly made a string of offensive gay jokes that coincided with the airplane pilot meltdown. I read what he said and cringed. He's apologized but it seems so canned. Maybe it helps ratings as Piers might do by dissing Madonna.
Martina Navratilova was voted off DWTS, which is sad because athletically she's the most qualified and she looked great all glammed up. Of course, she got the boot since she's accomplished so much but doesn't attract the drama of other contestants. I would take getting voted off as a reward.

Dishfriend and I went out to Chelsea Market to ravage Anthropologie. Alas, no dress for Dish but we had a Fat Witch Brownie (one of Oprah's favorite things though Dishbrownies are even better) and discussed the pros and cons of Bethenney Frankel. Yes, she's scary and, like Madonna, she's probably too potent to be around 24/7. I can't see anyone as a match for her. I mean this as a compliment. Maybe when she's 55, she'll meet a James Brolin. Dishfriend might have convinced me to watch her show. We both agreed Real Housewives of Orange County had only one viably interesting character, Vicki's daughter--though I tried to convince Dishfriend that Alexis might be fun without the group pressure.

You Think You're So Perfect, Don't You, Brown Eyes?

George Clooney got arrested, which means some lucky police officer got to put him in handcuffs. To make it real kinky, his father got arrested too. You know Brown Eyes did this for a real cause because that's what he does. What is the cause? I don't know. Wait, I'll look. Damn you, George, for educating me, manipulating me with your celebrity voodoo. It says here, he was pissed about the Sudanese government being violent against its people. I even looked up Sudan on a map (it's under Egypt). See that, Lindsay and Russell Brand? It's a shame George and Angelina didn't hook up romantically because they'd be like the merging of Prince and Madonna. They're all in that little clique spawned by the star-tastic Ocean's 11 (You can't hide from me, Julia). The cast has done so much intermingling--sort of like in Gossip Girl.

Other Things I learned today:

Many hours spent looking at possible celebrity nosejobs--all from a surgeon who didn't do the operation. Probably no, Britney Spears. Probably yes, Beyonce.

"Flaunting her curves" means "showing her fat ass in a bikini." I always like to see curves, but I'm sure actresses hate reading this.

Tipping the radar at 3:

Kate Hudson might already be married to that musician.
Neve Campbell is preggo by JJ Feild.
Rosie O'Donnell's show got canceled on OWN.

And, finally, let the fainting begin, L&O: SVU will be filming on my block in a few days.

Tonight's Oskahs

Dish has been under the weather with the Celine Dion virus for several days now so I can't put in as much alcohol energy as I want into tonight's Oscars. But there are a few items that make me violent:

1. If The Help wins Best Picture, I will never ever watch the Oscars again. It was boring (but had some great performances by Viola Davis and Jessica Chastain). This would be the politically correct choice, which the Academy often goes with and it's Steel Magnolia-esque, but the pacing is WAY off. Read the book instead.

2. If The Descendants wins Best Picture, my cynicism will be unmanageable. Again, Dish had a pacing issue with this one. Performances were good, Clooney was good but Michael Clayton was his shining star, not this.

3. The Best Actor/Actress: I want Jean DuJardin to win. He did something so wonderful--and different--on screen, aside from the usual reacting to catastrophic event and picking up the pieces crap. For Best Actress, I'd be happy with any of these babes: Meryl, Michelle, Viola. They were fantastic.

4. The Tree of Life has to win something. It was the most visually stunning movie last year and would be amazing to watch while stoned.

This may be sinful but I'm going to DVR the event since I can't stay up late to watch to the end. Monday I'll take a vow of no-Internets so that I can see who wins. Do you think Billy Crystal will be amazing or anti-climactic?

More Not So New Whitney Details and Movie Review

Allegedly, family members are deeply saddened and hysterical over Whitney's death, as are many celebrities. Focus intensifies on official investigation, allegations of boisterous partying and/or "she was perfectly fine" before she died. This is the point where news agencies/tabs have no news and repeat same stuff, delving into her relationship with Bobby and Ray J, who did the sex tape with Kim. Downward spiral from there.

TG made me turn off CNN and we saw The Descendants (which I'd secretly already seen and figured my punishment was watching it again). It's a little boring but good performances by all. I liked George in Michael Clayton more--just because it was an intense role and I love seeing him thoroughly disheveled and effed up. He's just great to the point where it pisses me off. But as with Brad Pitt, his gorgeousness does nothing for me so I focus on talent, which he has in spades. His sense of humor always tickles me and I wish I'd been a fly on the wall when he filmed that dining room scene with Julia in Ocean's 11. They had to do several takes because he kept making her laugh: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p0hB3a8uag. The Descendants has a lovely Hawaiian setting and I enjoyed how cinematographer made it so drab. I still choose The Artist for Best Picture. This one wasn't so new and different. I wouldn't pay 13$ to see it, but I would put it at #5 on my Netflix queue.

Demi to Get Her Groove Back

Yesterday Demi Moore was rushed to the hospital for "exhaustion" and other medical issues. I'm tired too! The gossips are fueling the fire with reports of anorexia (um, duh--but could be situational), an epileptic seizure (didn't know that), does she miss being married to David Arquette, and was substance abuse involved, specifically whip-its? The real problem is that Dish isn't there to scoop up these over-40 female celebs and plop them into my new school:

The Academy for Female Celebs Who Can't Cope with Being Over the Hill in Hollywood AFCWCCBOTHH.

My first pupils would be Heather Locklear, Courtney Love (though she's needed this since her 20s), and Demi Moore. Here are some courses:

Reinvention 101: Do as Madonna does just with a little more substance and without the ropey arms.
Substance Use in Moderation: Sometimes you might need a glass of Pinot or a Xanax, just don't take 5.
Too Much Botox Means No Oscar: But fab for reality show? What will make you famouser? Discuss.
Sexy at Any Age: Guest lectures by Jacqueline Bissett and Helen Mirren.

Dish watched The Ides of March. It's pretty good, compact, delivers a not-so-subtle message against repubs and dems, George Clooney is charming, Evan Rachel Wood and Ryan Gosling are brilliant. Hopeful politico becomes jaded and finds a way to use the system, hence why Washington is broken. Not so Oscar-ish.