Tonight's Oskahs

Dish has been under the weather with the Celine Dion virus for several days now so I can't put in as much alcohol energy as I want into tonight's Oscars. But there are a few items that make me violent:

1. If The Help wins Best Picture, I will never ever watch the Oscars again. It was boring (but had some great performances by Viola Davis and Jessica Chastain). This would be the politically correct choice, which the Academy often goes with and it's Steel Magnolia-esque, but the pacing is WAY off. Read the book instead.

2. If The Descendants wins Best Picture, my cynicism will be unmanageable. Again, Dish had a pacing issue with this one. Performances were good, Clooney was good but Michael Clayton was his shining star, not this.

3. The Best Actor/Actress: I want Jean DuJardin to win. He did something so wonderful--and different--on screen, aside from the usual reacting to catastrophic event and picking up the pieces crap. For Best Actress, I'd be happy with any of these babes: Meryl, Michelle, Viola. They were fantastic.

4. The Tree of Life has to win something. It was the most visually stunning movie last year and would be amazing to watch while stoned.

This may be sinful but I'm going to DVR the event since I can't stay up late to watch to the end. Monday I'll take a vow of no-Internets so that I can see who wins. Do you think Billy Crystal will be amazing or anti-climactic?

Happiness is when his flight is delayed one day!

Not many people were flying 5,000 miles away last night, including TG. He leaves in a couple hours for his destination, but it was a happy surprise that he came home last night (though he did interrupt my Kardashian catch-up).

While perusing my latest catalog, I realized a fabulous fertility tip: become a Victoria's Secret model. Half of them are pregnant or just had babies. I'll start my liquid diet right now. Where's my whey milkshake, TG?

TG and I saw The Artist yesterday. Totally charming and brings back the luster of a bygone era. Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo are brilliant together. Dish blubbered over that damn dog, who should win an Oscar or at least be nominated. I would cast him instead of humans in a whole host of movies.

Beyonce may have had her baby. Wasn't her pregnancy a strange one? It seemed just yesterday she announced it and her bump kept changing. But then she and Jay-Z were always secretive about their relaysh.

There were rumors of Chris Brown and Rihanna reuniting. Dear Lord in Heaven, let this not happen. Don't they each have enough people to prevent this? Once you get a smack, don't go back!

Waiting for The Fame...

Dish and TG have two big press items about to appear. An article in a big newspaper and our appearance on a talk show. For now, we have to make do with being one of the Little People. C'mon, guys. We need to be out there. We're open to reality show offers. It will help finance our chicken/coffee farm overseas.

The news today is for the birds: Jen Aniston and Brad almost ran into each other at a movie theater. Sounds like a pile of BS to me. I'm sure these two pay people a lot of money not to casually run into each other. Charlize Theron was teased in high school. I'm putting a moratorium on beautiful actresses/models claiming they were hideous in childhood and bullied. There are pics everywhere of topless Michael Lohan in his hospital bed. He's having trouble speaking and breathing! If I were really sick, the first thing I'd do is get my pecs in the tabs.

We bagged The Artist as we were too lazy to go all the way to the Angelika. Caught up on our Andersons.

Star Sighting--Wallace Shawn!!!

12:15pm, suspiciously close to Barney's Co-op. I was so starstruck I had to look away. People reference him from The Princess Bride, but Dish never saw it. Every ex of mine had it in his collection. With each beau, I'd see The Princess Bride and think, Not this again. My recent-ish fave: Vanya on 42nd Street.

So, photos surfaced of J.Lo cuddling with a much younger, far less accomplished back-up dancer. Madonna-Britney much? Then again, Marilyn falls for youngster Colin in My Week with Marilyn, which I just saw. It's above average movie-wise and Michelle Williams is stunning as Marilyn, aka the hardest role in the world to play. For a few seconds, I forgot that it wasn't Marilyn, especially from the side. Kenneth Branagh and Judy Dench remain brilliant.

The trailer for War Horse made me giggle. Dishbrother was touched by the play, but the overly-sentimental Spielbergesque trailer induced laughter. I expected the boy and the horse to make out.

This is what we're seeing tomorrow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDY8dfwGQNU&feature=fvst. Jean Dujardin's time has come. He is what happens when Gene Kelly and Sacha Baron Cohen have sex. TG turned me on to Jean at the beginning of our courtship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYxPpx1yCY4.