Happy Holiday Meltdowns

The state dinner party-crashers, Tiger, David Hasselhoff. This is why Dish doesn't like the holiday season. The strange vibe of celebration-desperation. In NYC, people push each other to get into stores and on subways. No kind words but Mr. I'm-soooo-important knocks you over while fondling his Crackberry. Instead of niceness, the world succumbs to crazyacting.

For me, it's all about the gingerbread latte. Celebrity of the day: Thank you, Starbucks, for making Christmas, Kwaanza, Yule and Hannukah what it should be. I've been eyeing the Cranberry Bliss Bar for years now and this time, I might get it--TG and my figure be damned to hell! Speaking of TG, he woke up at 3 am just to talk in the right time zone. Who does that? Someone who can't wait to see me. 17 days.

Some Days Are Stranger Than Others

Dish spent almost an entire day without television. The silence was surreal. I did work. I thought of no celebrities.

Okay, enough lying: so The Post had non-sleazy article about the true relationship between Brad and Angina, like they're on the verge of breaking up because of Brad's doobie smoking and her crazy tantrums. If you look like Angina, you can have as many tantrums as you want--is how I feel. I'm not a fan but if she gives so much to charity, I couldn't give a fat fig what she does behind closed doors (I don't buy it either). Same goes for Brad's doobies. If I had that many children, I'd need to be stoned, too. Liked him in the Oceans movies. Do NOT think he is hot.

And Holy Handicaps, what happened with the Tiger Woods fiasco? I'm not sure I care except Dishfather loves him. Moral of all these stories: Rich people have problems too.

ps. Will Nora get laid tonight on B&S? I want to see some skin!

For Your Entertainment!

Adam Lambert's CD For Your Entertainment has more than two good songs and is well worth the fortune. It's rare I root for young people to succeed so I'm on the Lambert float and raising all lavender flags to celebrate his success. Wondering: Was I a gay man in my past life or am I just a fierce hag?

Damn you, fellow hag Kathy Griffin. Dish dreamt her other favorite redhead was pregnant and delivered two babies by two separate fathers. TG and I talk too much about our future parasites so this makes sense. If TG is the first father, who's the second? (please let it be Gale Harold or Gerard Butler--the latter can impregnate with just a look so this won't break my commitment to TG)

Snowed by the Victoria's Secret "Buy one bra, get the other half off" nonsense, Dish spent an entire day trying to find inexpensive but necessary lingerie. At least five attendants came over to assault me so I wound up scurrying out of the store. It doesn't take much sales talk to alienate Dish.

(JJ, is that you screaming over KG's picture?)

Whatever Works

Ever since Woody Allen slept with his daughter (at least he married her, TG says), I haven't liked his movies, except for Match Point. I also hate Larry David so it took me a while to watch this. Now I get David's appeal. The writing is sharp, witty, and the actors deliver captivating performances. I was impressed with Evan Rachel Wood, one of the few good actresses of her generation. She could have toned down the twang but Hollywood hasn't got this memo ever. Quite an enjoyable movie about the complexity and transient nature of relationships, luck and of course, the movie title. Moral: If you're old, hideous and in love with a super-young girl, it's okay to bang and marry her.

So I've unburdened myself of VHS tapes, watching In & Out one last time before chucking (DVD version on my Amazon wishlist). Funny, I always thought Kevin Kline was gay. It's because he's so articulate and artsy. While watching, I realized he and Kenneth Brannagh belong in the No Lips Club.

Happy Thanksgiving!

How interesting: according to Page Six, GMA will let girlfriend-beater Chris Brown sing but not gay Adam Lambert. Dish is tempted not to watch ANY shows on ABC--very difficult since Sally Field is my life.

So what did I do for Thanksgiving? I basked in the family-love of Dishbrother and Dishbrothersidekick who cooked for me all day long. We ate, watched Ever After, and scoured the web for obvious plastic surgery (Sarah Jessica Parker, Demi Moore, Roy Scheider). We discussed Dougray Scott's excellent hair and the timeline of his career (poorly cast in Desperate Housewives but we like him overall); how Drew Barrymore has an otherworldly look to her, is so adorable. We hate her accent in the movie but think she's a marvelous actress usually (Grey Gardens, Boys on the Side).

Dish did not eat turkey, is making up for it by obsessing over turkey waddle growing under chin. Maybe I will get my neck done.

Dish is a Masterbaker!

In buccolic Chelsea, same-sex couples, gallery and furniture store owners can smell chocolate chip pumpkin bread emanating from Dish's kitchen. I gathered bluberries and strawberries from this year's harvest, which will go in tomorrow's pie. I will then allow other people to cook for me, as nature intended.

I am thankful for many things:

Spiritual prosperity, health, a nice rack.

Eastwick is back on the air.

Adam Lambert was lovely this morning (though more controversy ensued and Dish is tired of it) on CBS.

Dishbrother and Dishbrothersidekick transported a large table to the abode while Dish sashayed her fatte-asse behind them.

My hair has never looked better.

That Levi Johnson didn't show peen in Playgirl. While we're all disappointed, it was a good career move.

I'm thankful for all Dish readers. Even if you loathe Thanksgiving or feel alone or depressed during the holidays, just remember that baked goods and severely spiked egg nog heal all wounds. So go ahead, make an ass of yourself. Dish is right there with you.

Boycott Good Morning America Because They Suck!

Ps. If Good Morning America cancelled Adam Lambert's concert tomorrow because of his AMA performance, they SUCK! By the same token, they should cancel every Madonna, Miley Cyrus, Britney performance since they've offended thousands. It's awful that GMA execs think he's not professional enough to know GMA's audience (old people - Dish) and perform accordingly. I will never watch that show again. Switching back to Channel 1.

He Kissed a Boy and We Liked It

Given how many gay kisses exist on TV and movies--and Dish can't get enough of them--what's all the fuss about Lambert sucking a little face? We saw it on Will & Grace a couple times. All the soaps have same-sex liplocks. Not to mention, Lambert's make-out session was on at 10:59pm, when your pure-as-driven-snow children are supposed to be in bed. Oooh, ABC gets 1,500 complaints--we're scared! If Michael Jackson can grab his peen every two seconds, Madonna and Britney can swap spit, Janet can show her booby at the Superbowl, Prince can simulate self-pleasuring at the Superbowl without incident, Adam can do whatever the hell he wants! Precedents have long been set and it's all entertainment. Sadly, the same-sex makeout germ could spread like swine flu. Once you see it, you won't want to stop. Just kidding. Kind of.

What I find truly outrageous is the suggestion that Lou Dobbs might run for President in 2012. I say, go ahead, fattycakes. I wanna see some crazy in the competition. It is fabulous.