Special New Year's Eve

Tonight is a Blue Moon, meaning the 13th full moon of the year, meaning twice in one month. Or if you're standing outside in the cold and you feel like showing your ass to someone you hate, you'll have a Blue Moon. Either way, it's time to celebrate.

Poor beacon of ignorance, addiction and outrageous assertions Rush Limbaugh is in hospital suffering from chest pains. If he were smart, he'd get his Blue Moon on a treadmill. Let's all say a prayer for his recovery (as long as it involves a labotomy). NOT!

In better events, Rosie O'Donnell has a shiny new girlfriend. Dish likes this because the new GF is a redhead. Though one never knows if it's natural. I am glad Rosie's happy and hope she'll show off her accessory at galas. I'm a little tired seeing them waterskiing.

Marriage, Scandal, Rehab, Reinvention, Reality Show

Olivia Newton John's daughter "collapsed" at an event, which barely hits my radar except that Olivia is amazing (am reminded of Kathy Griffin asking her if she got a yeast infection from those tight Grease pants). Btw, Dish had hot pink Olivia pants in eighth grade, stolen from Dishmother's closet. With my fat ass, they looked horrific so I made them into shorts and went as a prostitute (with bulging freckled thighs) for Halloween.

Worst part of the holidays, the Sheens and the Woods are "lying low," which is the antithesis of courageous. Hugh Grant had the good sense to go on Leno and we forgave his covert BJs. America loves a bad boy, which is why Charlie Sheen's 2 and 1/2 Men is killing in the ratings right now. I don't blame America because Charlie is an excellent actor. Wonder what Denise Richards thinks of all this. New reality show: The Ex-Mrs. Sheens. There are so many, including Paula Abdul who used to be Mrs. Emilio Estevez.

FYI--Three times I caught TG reading Dish last night and had to launch myself on him and his computer.

Code Red!

Drawback to cohabitation: TG sometimes uses my computer and has discovered DISH! Though it's uncertain if he reads. He doesn't display symptoms of knowledge so all signs point to NO. Future non-JJ-cheeky comments could be TG--you've been warned.

The most important thing: I'm thoroughly obsessed with Glee. It only took three months. Excessively singy shows grate on the nerves but this one grew on me over three hours (episodes 9-13). Next season can't come soon enough.

TG and I are in the middle of a The Office marathon. Dish is under the weather and so, for once, in two weeks, am doing nothing. I rejoice that Tyra Banks's talk show is going off the air. That and the Sheen divorce fulfill my Schadenfreude needs.

Will They Divorce???

2009 has been all about divorce and death. Two marriages are on the line: Tiger and Elin, now Charlie and Brooke. Rumor has it, the wife wants out but Charlie's camp maintains they are working things out. What do you think? Do you care?

Me either. Still reeling from Sarandon/Robbins breakup, though.

I'm So There

Dish *HATES* flying with children. On planes, they think the world revolves around them. 35K up in the air is the only time I feel Gameboys, duct tape, corks and pacifiers are most useful. Ivana Trump was escorted off her plane for cursing out children and calling them "little f*ckers." While this shows a flagrant lack of manners and that she is, in fact, no lady, I can sympathize.

Dish is watching My Life in Ruins, a waste of electricity. Nia has done three super-crappy movies in a row. She needs to mix it up and do an ensemble drama. With Julia, I suggest the opposite--romantic comedies, less witty serious stuff because Dish doesn't care! Julia + Nancy Myers = Instant Hit.

Hannah

TG and I were slugs today--talked about going to see It's Complicated or A Single Man and wound up seeing Hannah and Her Sisters (reached consensus on how ugly Michael Caine is--but did not admit I find him sexy). I didn't get caught up on gossip and figure I'm still honeymooning. Did read that perhaps Charlie Sheen's wife might have a drinking problem and caused his jailing. They belong together! I want more mugshots. Thank god small children are involved.

A Christmas Miracle

Charlie Sheen proved to me that Santa Claus still exists. After partaking in Heidi Fleiss's escort services, a tumultuous marriage and various addictions, Charlie settled down once and for all, had two more kids with his new wife--the waves had stopped rocking the boat. But, thank god, he was just arrested today for domestic violence. I'd thought Charlie the Bad Boy had died. He's back and naughtier than ever! Poor Charlie. The holidays stress Dish out too and who could blame me for smacking someone I love? Really, Charlie should be celebrated for holding out this long. Merry mugshot, sh*tbag.

(but I do love him as an actor)

It's Complicated

I can't wait to see the above movie. The idea of Meryl Streep as the hot tootsie gives me goosebumps. Add to that, she gets to sleep with men her age, if not younger. It's true that relationships are complicated. As I write this, TG is shaking the walls with his snoring. One of the first things he asked me, "Do you snore? Because I really can't stand that." He makes up for the epic cacophony by accompanying me to the deli for brown sugar and preparing a feast for me yet again.

Merry Almost Christmas, Dish Readers.