Gaga meets Jaws

Lady Gaga has jumped the shark with her baseball antics. First the double finger and lame-girl-makeout-session at the Mets game. Then bra and panties at the Yankees. My butt could invent better attention-getting schemes. It's so over.

Orlando Bloom is finally engaged to Miranda Kerr. I was so so so worried this VS model would be single forever! He's such an enlightened boddhisatva.

Last night at Radio City Music Hall, New Kids on the Block was joined on stage by the Back Street Boys. Can you imagine? I'm squealing and I wasn't even there. It's almost like if Spandau Ballet joined Duran Duran on stage.

Today, in reference to Amanda Bynes quitting acting, Dishmama said, "That's what that Joaquin Pelican did." Yes, Mom, Joaquin PHOENIX quit acting to become a rapper.

Dish will retire from writing to become an actress.

Did He Cry?

TGbrother is tormenting me, claiming that "Simon Le Bone cried like a baby" after being rescued by the chopper when he totaled his yacht in 1985. Yes, he was crying because the yacht was uninsured! He is a man with his priorities in the right place. He wasn't crying over his potential loss of life, fear of castration by Jaws. If I pissed 4 million dollars into the ocean, I'd cry me a river.

Dish was in London at the time, having just taken a stroll down Carnaby Street to buy Duran Duran memorabilia. I remember the news coverage like it was yesterday. To think, a world without Simon...

Everyone needs to accept: Duran Duran is excellence personified.

I am struck...

...by severe lethargy. Must work and straighten hair but all I can do is watch some silver fox narrate "Shark Week" on the Discovery Channel. Sand sharks = scary and ugly. Great White sharks = sexy but deadly, like dating. Lemon sharks = dangerous but I'm not impressed since they make me think of dessert: lemon bars, lemon meringue, lemon with coke. Alas, instead of absorbing the information, I'm singing my lyrics to Jaws. Greater than my lethargy is my musical genius.

In other news: Madonna, the Jonas Brothers, Lindsay Lohan, Halle Berry, the Beer Summit, poopy doopy, G.I. Joe, Funny People same old same old, Julia and Julie, blah di blah, schmoopy goopy.

Golden Globes Rundown

Last night's ceremony was a little snoozy but Dish made a few observations:

Sting's hair/beard = scary!

First "Oh My God" at the beginning of speech goes to Anna Paquin.

Bruce Springsteen was freakishly hot. To paraphrase a friend, I'd like to hire whoever worked on him.

Dish is so over Johnny Depp and his coolness.

Who seemed drunkest: Jessica Lange and Drew Barrymore

Best hair shelaqued to the head: J.Lo

Who tickled our fancy: Ricky Gervais

Best Golden Globes: 1. Salma Hayek 2. Beyonce 3. Eva Longoria

Naturally luminous: Catherine Keener

Cecil B. DeMille speech: Am tired of these white boys, but Spielberg is articulate in a sea of dullards. Gotta fess up that Jaws is and will always be my favorite movie.

Upset: Colin Farrell winning for In Bruges, but he was amazingly brilliant in that little gem.

Most improved but still not there: Maggie Gyllenhaal. Loved the colors but the dress should have fit her body better. She looks ravishing in bold blues, teals, reds.

Kudos to Kate Winslet for her double win. She was armed to the teeth with a Holocaust movie, practically naked in every scene of The Reader, and reteaming with Leo. Can't beat them guns.

Best dressed for men: They all looked the same, i.e. boring! Though Dish wanted to mess up Simon Baker's hair. How cute is he?

Dish's pick for best dress: J. Lo. If you have to go to the Globes with your pale eel of a husband, cover yourself in gold, baby. I don't care what love handles came sliding out. She was gorgeous.

Tennis of the Third Kind

Right now, Roger Federer pushes away his wavy locks as he awaits his opponent's serve. Doesn't he know his hair won't stay? Roger needs bobby pins. When in flux, I carry enough makeup/hairstuff for an extended moon landing. Why can't Roger Federer smack his hair down during an important match? It could be a tic. I have those too. When I'm psychotically nervous, I touch my nose.

Despite some leisure time, Dish can't stop working. While I adore not commuting for a couple days, I'm like that ruthless employee who can never shut off the brain. But for the sake of celebrity dish, I'll try. Molding on my movie shelf is Deja Vu and episodes of Rome. I go through periods of loving and being indifferent to Denzel. Sometimes, I feel he phones it in. Is that blasphemy? Sometimes I hate Tom Hanks, too. And most things Steven Spielberg (except Jaws is my all-time favorite movie) and Ron Howard (except Opie and Richie!). Okay, now I should be killed.

Silk Pajamas

Dish doesn't know the purpose of blogging, except to get attention. My arms will turn into flippers with hands reaching the keyboard. At night, my jaws clench from too much screen action. All this to say, it's time to be intellectual and dive into some Deepak (my MA in French Lit is for sh*t). I must read books again and watch fewer celebrities.

Who am I kidding? I have on my purple silk PJs with the remote set on Oxygen.

Tonight's pet peeve: I hate how Dean McDermott calls Tori Spelling "Mama." He seems okay, though how tuff it will be for him to get cast in a movie.

Recommendation: Go see Wanted, if only to see how Angelina dodges a bridge--quite poetic and I'm trying to do the same thing in daily life. The falling motion, however, hurts my knees and witnesses are prone to laughter. Not to mention my wrists are so puny I can't hold a gun for more than three seconds (convenient only if I try to aim high but really want to hit below the belt). ps. Don't you love how movie posters repeat themselves? Angelina and Antonio were together in Original Sin (which kinda blew).

Embarrassment: Always, having an IT person see my Gale Harold wallpaper, which happens far too often. Why couldn't he fix my computer at home, where my wallpaper is Hillary Clinton?