J. Edgar...

...could have been 45 minutes shorter. It's ponderous, acty and pacing-challenged. The content intrigued me but I wanted it to be over after the first half-hour. For me, Naomi Watts and Armie Hammer stole the film right out from under DiCaprio. I want Leo to succeed, I really do. He works very hard in this movie and it shows. He's like an angry little baby bulldog fighting for America. I'm not sure what I would have done differently. It just sounded like two hours of nagging and speechifying. There were many compelling moments. Watts just inhabited her part, as did Hammer who made me believe that he came of age in the 1930s and not the 2000s.

I could never watch it again, I'm a little over Eastwood's gloomy hues--adore him much more as an actor--though I will predict that Hammer will be a huge star and Leo will find the perfect part someday. Naomi had me at the film about cholera.

What's a Cougar Starlet to Do?

First of all, rent All About Eve and savor Celeste Holm, who is now 94. Then, read this article in the New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/nyregion/love-and-inheritance-celeste-holms-family-feud.html. In a nutshell, Celeste married a stud half her age, her sons put her gazillions in a trust that they managed--so far, I understand, only protecting Mama's money. Celeste gets a little dementia, her husband cares for her, sons are bitter they never had a real mommy, yadayadayada, her millions are now gone. Who's to blame?

How could I miss my fair Julia on Letterman the other night? Well, now you can see her, too: http://www.cbs.com/late_night/late_show/video/?vs=Big%20Show%20Highlights. Wish she wouldn't hide behind her hair so much! Verdict: She and Tom Hanks are too adorable. Though I doubt this'll save the movie, which I'll see next weekend...

Quick Reviews:

Fair Game: Must watch if you know nothing of the Valerie Plame, Joseph Wilson incident where Scooter Libby spilled the beans. Great performances by Sean Penn and Naomi Watts.

Client-9: The Rise and Fall of Elliot Spitzer. Basically makes a douchebag into a tragic hero of mythology. He's not mythical; he's just another douche who loves himself. This documentary seems to diminish the very dark decisions he's made. Could only get through ten minutes. Stopped at the point where he's playing vigorous, sweaty tennis.

Today Is Special Why?

Because it's Edward Norton's birthday! Who is he? You might remember he acted in the serial-killer movie with Richard Gere, which launched his career as an Amazing Artist. When he did some writing AND acting AND dating hot babes like Courtney Love and Salma Hayek, he became HUGER. Along came more edgy, more selective, a failed Woody Allen movie, and Fight Club before fading a little. Fame is only two minutes long these days. I liked him in The Painted Veil, the movie version of W. Somerset Maugham's masterpiece (or Love in the Time of Cholera where Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber fell in love in real life!). He does that hesitant hero thing so well but I kinda get the feeling he's a tool in real life. I'm sure I'm wrong. The profilers of Criminal Minds would find my conclusions banal and based on a fourth grade education.

Speaking of tools, Jesse James is allegedly dating Kat Von D. Dish Von Skid thinks it would be funny to see their combined ink. Sandra is so over this.

Say halleluia that Dr. Laura is going off the air. An acquaintance once gave me a book of hers to read so that I would stop being a doormat. Since one self-help book cured me instantly, I thought she was a clever chick. Then all this nasty stuff came out of her mouth! That's why I kept my radio off to Dr. Laura ever since, though, of course, everyone has the right to an opinion. I feel that animals should not talk in movies.

Why Waste Time?

Couldn't get through Australia and watched the first five minutes of The International before realizing: As much as I love Naomi Watts, life's too short for bad movies. So now, TG and I are listening to The Carpenters. He's working, I'm thinking about the stars.

For instance, Derek Jeter is supposedly marrying that Minka Kelly of the amazing bikini vacation. One thing I like about DJ: He's one of the few sports figures who doesn't yell obscenities after playing badly. He is consistent, like a good bowel movement.

Today, Joe Lieberman and John McCain were reporting on their Dangerous Territory tour of Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq. I think they are secretly in Key West, kissing on the beach.

Oops! Pod-en Me...

It's not every day I dream about Liev Schreiber. Usually, they are purposeful daydreams where I pretend Naomi Watts never happened. But why do Liev and I have to be living Invasion of the Body Snatchers together? For once, he plays a supporting role and I am the star:

I'm on the beach with my three children (?). Liev bounds up, wearing gray swimming trunks. I still have a crush but am bitter. "So, how many kids have YOU got?" he asks, as if not seeing evidence of my debauchery. "Three," I respond. His shoulders droop as he says, "Oh. I only have two." He turns away, satisfaction reigns. Suddenly I am transported (without kids, thank Gawd) to a large Prep school. I see a preacher type, someone trying to convince me that this new "existence" is Utopia. An old short-haired lady stands next to me and I know I have to protect her. We run. As people turn into pods and squeal their way into freakdom, I keep running. Just as I'm about to be caught by the preacher, my alarm goes off.

WTF???

Marked for Scotch

I was caught in an embarrassing situation but it's my fault. A dreamy former classmate met me for a drink at Penn Station and found me reading Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-kicking Films of Steven Seagal by Vern. I was lost in the brilliance of this text and didn't think to stuff it in my bag before detection. Discussion ensued. Why didn't I bring Proust instead? Because I was in the mood for Seagal and Vern captures how Steven is an enigma wrapped in a riddle.

It's fun to wallow in the past and my friend was a blast to spend an hour with. True, he's not so fixated on Naomi Watts' baby bump or how Carla Bruni went from Vincent Perez to Sarkozy, but we shared dating stories and the fact that we're still hung up on our exes but trying to ignore it with a mighty influx of inept substitutes. And, I admit, it's nice to be around beautiful people (though Penn Station has more than its share of uggos!) and I try to do this as much as possible.

Starvation Central and Curtains!

Tuesday, August 7th, 6:40 p.m.: As I raced home to do some ten minute prepping for a date with BF, my sharp eye caught a diner at Merchants on 17th and 7th Avenue. My ire was peaked since it was Nina Katz (Nadia Dajani) who gave Carrie Bradshaw "the look" on Sex and the City. I mean, Carrie irritated the crap out of me for her wishiwashiness, but it's futile trying to convince a cat not to eat its own hair. Even though Nina was right to be annoyed, I'd never give anyone The Look for giving up the greatest guy in the world. Nadia sat with a companion, looking as perky and lovely as on the episode. And she's been in a gazillion indies. Of course, my greatest wish was for her to say, "I'm starvation central," one of her lines in the episode. Yes, it's scary Dish remembers this.

On Friday, while feigning exercise at the gym, I flipped on All My Children and was horrified to have stumbled on to its Shakespearean episode. The dialogue was stultifying, mostly due to the fact that after each statement said aloud, the character would then launch into a monologue about how he/she really felt. This allowed the actor to really dig into his/her acting chops, but it made me want to start smoking again (out of sheer boredom). Someone in the writing room was having too much fun emoting. Fun for the typer, snoresville for the viewer.

Friday night, we went to see Curtains. Because of mixed reviews, we expected to fall asleep during the performance but it was wildly entertaining. David Hyde Pierce is the first man to be invited to Dish's slumber Party (which includes Joyce DeWitt, Naomi Watts, Pamela Anderson, Helen Mirren, and Jennifer Connelly). We love him!

Celebrity Backfat

by Laurel DelFesse
7/12/06

As your East Coast star liaison, I will always bring you the truth about the stars. My Master's in French literature and tenure dating cyclists (Lance sucks!) prepared me for this role.

So without further ado, here's what I know. Spread the word:

1. Julia Roberts has hips and the mole under her eye is real.
2. Last week I saw Liev Shreiber walking near Penn Station. We made eye contact and I could tell he wanted to pursue it but I looked away. Someday, I hope Naomi Watts will let me brush her long blond hair.
3. Chess superhero Garry Kasparov eats French onions (or they could have been American scallions?) as violently as Bugs Bunny eats carrots. I still have nightmares and once woke up with teeth marks on my arm.
4. I saw Paul Rudd in a g-string. He was on stage and it sort of worked for him.
5. Matthew Modine crossed my waking life twice: Once when he was sauntering down the street in combat boots, leather underwear and dangling chains; the second time he was instructing tourists where to get good fried chicken.

6. Joe Torre once touched my hand (I shoved it in his face) and I was so excited, I almost threw up.
7. I walked in on Bart Freundlich in the bathroom as he was helping his kid pee.




While Tom and Katie are hiding their pet ersatz-gote, you can salivate over the minutia of The Seen. Stay tuned for more. Now, I have to hide behind more trees.