One Marriage Begins and Another One Ends

Kate Winslet married Ned Rocknroll (give me a break) and Leo gave her away! Isn't that sick? No really, very sweet. This is Kate's third marriage. That happens to people sometimes. My friend *Betsy* loved getting engaged because of the ring. She wound up marrying one guy but it bombed hard. She rebounded two seconds after by marrying someone else, who might have been gay. That ended pretty quickly. Now, many years later, she's single. Oh wait. Different situation entirely. Never mind! So Kate married for the first time immediately after Titanic--I like to think because she secretly loved Leo even though he pissed in the water tank during filming. Then she married a nice, steady on-the-rise director. That fizzled and now she's married someone with a fun name and who's related to Richard Branson. Fun is fun. My best wishes for the happy couple.

If you've been keeping up with your US magazine, Bettheny and Jason are done. I'm crying angry tears that there will be no more Bethenny Ever After and her kicking Jason's ass. I watched the talk show but didn't latch on. She belongs on television, screaming at people.

Poor Leo. Why Do We Care about His Love Life?

Because he dates beautiful models, preferably from the Victoria Secret catalog, which Dish reads religiously. He just discarded another one. I love that I'm never surprised when I see him out with another luscious blond--or that you can always count on the 3 for 1 deals on striped thongs, the free coupon for underpants during your birthday month. Leonardo's taste in women is as regular as his choice in movies -- mostly Scorcese. Can you believe that McConaughey was the top contender for Jack in Titanic? That would have been awesome. I never liked Leo in that role because he looked about twelve. Now, he's maybe 30. Okay, I'll admit, I had a little pervy Leo crush for about a month around Titanic time (who didn't? Oh, Dishmama, that's who) but then felt very cradle-robby and gross. The best acting Leo did since Gilbert Grape was in The Departed and Revolutionary Road. Just my opinion.

So, Dish is contemplating seeing a past life expert. Isn't that so Shirley MacLaine? There has to be a reason why I love the music of The Four Seasons. And Ancient Rome, I love that empire circa 44BC-14AD. I took 9 years of Latin, which dovetailed nicely with my obsession with Egypt. For why? I want to find out because I was totally Cleopatra, beyotches.

J. Edgar...

...could have been 45 minutes shorter. It's ponderous, acty and pacing-challenged. The content intrigued me but I wanted it to be over after the first half-hour. For me, Naomi Watts and Armie Hammer stole the film right out from under DiCaprio. I want Leo to succeed, I really do. He works very hard in this movie and it shows. He's like an angry little baby bulldog fighting for America. I'm not sure what I would have done differently. It just sounded like two hours of nagging and speechifying. There were many compelling moments. Watts just inhabited her part, as did Hammer who made me believe that he came of age in the 1930s and not the 2000s.

I could never watch it again, I'm a little over Eastwood's gloomy hues--adore him much more as an actor--though I will predict that Hammer will be a huge star and Leo will find the perfect part someday. Naomi had me at the film about cholera.

Dish Can See Tom Brady Crying

TG is watching the game, which is a manly Sunday thing to do. Football is full of stars, like Gisele who's married to the currently losing quarterback, Tom Brady. The two are both so pretty I hate them. No really, I'm not that petty. TG and I always get this reaction when people see us. I may not look like Gisele in Victoria's Secret, but I can relate to her travails. Beauty X 2 is a curse.

Heidi Klum wins Halloween yet again. She scares me with her Auf Wiederzein, her perfect delivery and those Stepford eyes. Fear of her keeps me from Project Runway and worship of Tim Gunn. Her body costume makes her even more scary to Dish.

Herman Cain: His new campaign ad, showing his campaign manager smoking, has gone viral. Genius! When you don't have money for bloated, corny TV ads, go bananas and outrage the PC police. It's sad we live in a world where a smoker shocks people. Twenty years ago, everyone smoked in movies. Be who you are was the message of the ad and my friends who smoke would love this. Dish smoked for 20 years and even though I can't stand the smell, people DO smoke. I don't care as long as it's not around me. The damage is done and more folks could ride bikes instead of fart around in their cars. Face the Nation's Bob Schieffer got all pissy at Cain for having this smoking in the ad, as if sex and violence on TV weren't as toxic in the media. Cain amuses me. I would never vote for him. His abortion beliefs alone turn me off, but he's fun.

Lindsay finally got her teeth done. And her nose looks different too. It's the Irish nose TG threatens come home with after a two-week trip overseas this coming January.

Fresh from her Leonardo DiCaprio breakup, Blake Lively has allegedly introduced Ryan Reynolds to her family. Ry probably makes her laugh. He does have more star-power now that Leo has gone the Serious Movie route. Wouldn't it be nice if Leo did ONE romantic comedy? J. Edgar looks like a big bore called The Aviator.

Duran Duran at MSG Tonight!

I'm revving up the 80s pop engine and getting ready to hit MSG. I will breeze in as the opening band plays because I don't do General Admission even though I have a GA ticket. Cannot wait to see the boys again! Surely, the sight of Simon, Roger, John and Nick will cure my ailments. Dish is back to wearing eyeliner again, thank heavens.

New candidate for celebrity landfill: Michael Lohan was arrested for domestic violence, i.e beating the crap out of Kate Major, his ex-fiancee. At least he keeps himself in the news. And his sweet daughter is allegedly posing for Playboy. Great! Because she's such a sex symbol...

Darrell Hammond comes clean about all his drug abuse. Dish has a friend who spent a lot of time with him before SNL. Boy do I have stories. They will go to my grave.

The Beaver starring Mel Gibson and Jodie Foster: Touching in areas, really ridiculous, absolutely NO vagina innuendo.

Shutter Island starring Leonardo DiCaprio: Unwatchable even as live streaming.

Why, John Taylor, Why?

Oh, Johns:

It has come to my attention through the press and my posse that John Taylor's autobiography will be published in 2012 by a company other than Dish-Mania, Incorporated, Limited. I want to know, which lucky bitch gets to edit the thing and why wasn't I called first??? I can be a professional and an obsessed fan of 30 years! I would have helped spice up the boring parts--the Metamucil moments--with sordid party tales and outright lies! Because All You Need Is Now.

This made me spit my coffee: Johnny Depp compares photo shoots to being raped. REALLY, Johnny? Do you know what the hell you're talking about? DO YOU??? I respect most of his movie choices but there's a wall now.

Harmony and Disarray: Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel married her boyfriend in Vegas--yay. Leonardo DiCaprio and his gossip girl, Blake Lively, split. They looked fetching together but I didn't see them fitting personality-wise. Because Dish knows them, right? I wonder which beautiful blonde he'll date next.

Hank Williams Jr. football intro pulled after he compares Obama to Hitler. Really, Hank Williams Jr.? Hitler, who killed 6 million Jews, really??? Such idiocy today.

Finally some good news: Chris Christie allegedly not running for president.