Stealing Mom's Clothes: Inappropriate or Awesome?

So, in the latest Keeping Up with the Kardashians, little Kylie and Kendall steal from their mom's closet. Kris gets all parenty about it and institutes a "library" system with the teens taking her duds. I'm sorry but stealing from your mom's closet is not only a pleasure, it's a daughter's RIGHT. Dish has been doing it since she was able to walk.

Say a prayer for Robin Roberts who has her bone marrow transplant this week. Transplants are no joke. They are make or break time. RR is such a delight and we need her back on the air, STAT.

I was sleepless in Seattle again, waking up at 4:59 am. I decided to read my Vanity Fair. All I can say is Holy Hannibal, Tom Cruise and Scientology are just so bananas, I felt like I was reading a movie script or The Handmaiden's Tale. The Master is coming out soon and already the Weinsteins are being harassed by the "church." Go out and get this issue immediately. Also in there is the article by Michael Lewis about Obama.

Has anyone seen Katie Couric's new talk show? I love her, can't wait to see it. On my DVR. Am distracted by TG's entry, introducing a box of wine into our house. All I can think is Kathy Griffin. TIP IT!

By now the news has fully hit that Blake and Ryan are married. What do Scarlett and Leo think??? It's only been 2 years since Ryan and Scarjo divorced. Is this true love?

Did Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds Tie the Knot for Reals?

People just reported this and I'm a little stunned. You have to feel really bad for Blake. First, she has a boy's name. Her luscious locks and long legs help us forget her potentially hidden man parts. But her life keeps getting worse and worse. First, she gets a bland yet starring juicy role on Gossip Girl. Then she dates hunkalicious Penn Badgely (sp?) for years. After they grow out of each other, she rebounds with Leonardo DiCaprio, which is such a trade up. She could have gotten Oscar roles! But no, he just had to move on to another blond. Blake then cries into her beer with funny/hunky/decent actor Ryan Reynolds, who seems way more user friendly and less in love with Scorcese than Leo. I approve this message.

Congrats, you crazy kids! May your children be blond with 6-pack abs.

(I'm not sure I believe this actually happened)

Happy Birthday, Dishmama!

Today she is on a jet plane, arriving way past her bedtime. We are at a loss how to celebrate when the goddess herself is in the air. I dove headlong into a movie marathon:

Safe House: Ryan Reynolds is an excellent action hero and he proves he can act in this thrill-packed CIA chase-reel. Denzel does his usual slick masterful mentor thing, killing some soldiers along the way. Predictable, repetitive, but what else is there? If you like watching things go boom, rent immediately. I loved it.

Young Adult: Another wit-tastic flick from Diablo Cody's pen. The sad thing is that I identified too much with the Charlize character, except I would never go back to my hometown to throw a big hissy over my first love. Life is hell. Charlize is perfect.

The Dictator: Far less irritating than Bruno or Borat. I laughed all the way through and enjoyed TG's hysterics. It was a nice change from his bitching at me to walk on the shady side of the street on our way to Union Square.

Mirror Mirror: I'm bewildered by how bad this is. I can't even stomach Julia. I hope she's screaming at whoever chose this project, even if it's to a mirror. I'm 10 minutes in, feeling that Julia needs Dish's help STAT to revive her career. I want her in an urban movie, playing a cold, beautiful socialite and screwing the daylights out of someone hot and not Tom Hanks. We've only seen her have sex in Sleeping with the Enemy (it made me uncomfortable) but it's time to shake things up and go for a less predictably Julia project (which is usually unpredictable, so by that, I would choose something I would predict she wouldn't choose).

The same advice for Tom Cruise--a career overhaul to deal with this next phase of life. No spacesuit or law enforcement stories. He was awesome in Rock of Ages but the movie seems to be tanking. Maybe the world doesn't want to see him shirtless anymore. I think he's brilliant when he wears a suit in a movie (Jerry Maguire, Lion for Lambs, Collateral). If his social life is going to hell, maybe Oscar should be his next goal.

Fireflies in the Garden

I don't say this often but you should only see this Julia movie if you *love* her. I only got through about 40 minutes of it before realizing how charmless it was (then I switched to Gossip Girl). There was no spark beyond my frantic search for all Julia moments. Fireflies in the Garden is about messed up people, tragedy and coping with family. You know the title is probably from something poetic, said once during an intense scene. The main issue is that Daddy is a dick. Because of this, everyone suffers. Willem Dafoe is so good playing the paternal jackass but it wasn't enough for me. Ryan Reynolds shows that he can act and he delivers some effective zingers. Julia had some big smiles though I felt bad that she had to wear aging makeup since it made her slightly less beautiful. We all know that real-life Julia's gorgeousness transcends age itself--which made this movie a study in deception.

Please, Julia. A romantic comedy next, starring, beginning and ending with YOU. Co-star with someone as glittery as you--but not 20 years past his prime. Here are my suggestions for co-stars (though no one is as amazing--this comes close):

Daniel Craig
Dominic Purcell
Kiefer Sutherland (JUST KIDDING!)
Ryan Gosling (a little Mrs. Robinson)
SEAN PENN
Johnny Depp
Russell Crowe (ugh, but it could be amazing)
Jim Carrey
Robert Downey Jr.

Oui, Celine Dion and I Are Prequetically za Sem Personne

Not only can she and I speak le French but she also had to cancel some Vegas shows due to a pesky throat virus. It's a sad day for Vegas and Dish--especially since it's been confirmed TG loves Sandra Bullock and not so much Julia Roberts. We watched Miss Congeniality (yes, Hershey, I noticed BB's rocket-fueled pig nipples in the pool) and TG laughed and laughed at Sandy's antics. Well, I just ordered the possibly sh*tty seemingly straight-to-DVD Fireflies in the Garden so he'll be swallowing those words pronto. Where else can we watch the agony Julia must have felt to play Ryan Reynolds's MOTHERRRRRR???

Once you have/appear on a reality show, you show the world your desperation to be rediscovered. And so, Jack Wagner, Sherri Shepard, and Melissa Gilbert have joined Dancing with the Stars. I love these three but would rather see them do a Lifetime movie and, you know, act.

I leave you with Joan Rivers dishing to Baba on vagina surgery. I'd watch either of these two jezebels on DWTS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoQV7NLVojM.

Dish Can See Tom Brady Crying

TG is watching the game, which is a manly Sunday thing to do. Football is full of stars, like Gisele who's married to the currently losing quarterback, Tom Brady. The two are both so pretty I hate them. No really, I'm not that petty. TG and I always get this reaction when people see us. I may not look like Gisele in Victoria's Secret, but I can relate to her travails. Beauty X 2 is a curse.

Heidi Klum wins Halloween yet again. She scares me with her Auf Wiederzein, her perfect delivery and those Stepford eyes. Fear of her keeps me from Project Runway and worship of Tim Gunn. Her body costume makes her even more scary to Dish.

Herman Cain: His new campaign ad, showing his campaign manager smoking, has gone viral. Genius! When you don't have money for bloated, corny TV ads, go bananas and outrage the PC police. It's sad we live in a world where a smoker shocks people. Twenty years ago, everyone smoked in movies. Be who you are was the message of the ad and my friends who smoke would love this. Dish smoked for 20 years and even though I can't stand the smell, people DO smoke. I don't care as long as it's not around me. The damage is done and more folks could ride bikes instead of fart around in their cars. Face the Nation's Bob Schieffer got all pissy at Cain for having this smoking in the ad, as if sex and violence on TV weren't as toxic in the media. Cain amuses me. I would never vote for him. His abortion beliefs alone turn me off, but he's fun.

Lindsay finally got her teeth done. And her nose looks different too. It's the Irish nose TG threatens come home with after a two-week trip overseas this coming January.

Fresh from her Leonardo DiCaprio breakup, Blake Lively has allegedly introduced Ryan Reynolds to her family. Ry probably makes her laugh. He does have more star-power now that Leo has gone the Serious Movie route. Wouldn't it be nice if Leo did ONE romantic comedy? J. Edgar looks like a big bore called The Aviator.

Glamorous Dish

As I write this, I have a hot compress under my right eye which is fostering a freakish clogged duct just in time for Halloween. The doctor says I have to just wait and heat it and the swelling will go down. I've tried to go out in public but, as Kramer says, I'm hideous. No eyeliner or mascara. I hope within a week, I can return to thick swipes of black goo on my lashes and under my eyes. Just like Cleopatra.

It's been a slow gossip day except NewDishfriend went to Duran Duran in Chicago and Simon Le Bon kissed her hand. My mind can't even grasp this but it's clear she's been blessed for life. TG and I just watched Cedar Rapids and I want to know if the fart John C. Reilly lit at the end was real. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds were seen canoodling and Sandra Bullock was in close proximity. Three-way?

I Love/Hate Netflix

Netflix prices are going up significantly. Those f*ckers. Hitting Dish where she lives. They know they've got a good product. I love hate them!

Today was a day for grim news. Say a prayer for the family of Leibby Kletzky, a nine-year-old Brooklyn boy who went missing yesterday and whose body was found today, victim of a grizzly murder. This is one of the few times when I wish New York had the death penalty.

RIP to Sherwood Schwartz--genius creator of The Brady Bunch.

We need a little cheering up, don't we? Ted Danson has been cast to take over the lead in CSI. I'm a huge Marg Helgenberger fan but I need more than one awesome star to get me to watch a show. This might do it. I heart Ted, especially since he's been playing these creepy roles (Damages).

Rodney King was busted again. He is still one handsome son of a gun. Even though he's a screwup, he will always have one good sentence (Can't we all just get along?). Isn't that what Hemingway tried to achieve?

Rumor has it Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron are dating exclusively. Huh? I can see it sort of. Her star power has faded in the last few years so it's a strategic choice on her part. Though, Green Lantern. Hmmmm.

Oh, Michele Bachmann has blown any chance she might have had to be President. You just don't go against the gays. They are too powerful and awesome.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGIkAglJMjQ

TG's quote of the day: "Men are from gin, women are from Diet Sprite."