Oui, Celine Dion and I Are Prequetically za Sem Personne

Not only can she and I speak le French but she also had to cancel some Vegas shows due to a pesky throat virus. It's a sad day for Vegas and Dish--especially since it's been confirmed TG loves Sandra Bullock and not so much Julia Roberts. We watched Miss Congeniality (yes, Hershey, I noticed BB's rocket-fueled pig nipples in the pool) and TG laughed and laughed at Sandy's antics. Well, I just ordered the possibly sh*tty seemingly straight-to-DVD Fireflies in the Garden so he'll be swallowing those words pronto. Where else can we watch the agony Julia must have felt to play Ryan Reynolds's MOTHERRRRRR???

Once you have/appear on a reality show, you show the world your desperation to be rediscovered. And so, Jack Wagner, Sherri Shepard, and Melissa Gilbert have joined Dancing with the Stars. I love these three but would rather see them do a Lifetime movie and, you know, act.

I leave you with Joan Rivers dishing to Baba on vagina surgery. I'd watch either of these two jezebels on DWTS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoQV7NLVojM.

Another Reason I Should Have Been a Kardashian...

...if I'd gotten a 90K Range Rover at a young age, I might not have confused our family's Volvo with the female vulva. I learned both words around the same time and I can't hear one without the other--those dirty, dirty Swedes. Then again, the Saturn Spenis is suggestive.

You need to live on more than Melrose Place. Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner called off their engagement. I'm devastated except maybe Hez can set her cap for Kris Humphries, up her profile. Do Not Return to David Spade. Unless he's nice.

I saw my first lesbian KY commercial. PROGRESS!

The police/the mayor evicted the OWS protesters and hosed down Zucotti (?) Park. I just pray the protesters don't get near my daily environs. I believe in the cause but not really this particular physical protest itself.

I didn't think it was possible but The A List: Dallas contains more vile morons than New York. The cast is incredibly affected, playing diva-moviestars and it's a given that everyone is a lush. And the drama: OMG, he pushed me in a pool. OMG, he's drunk. OMG, how will I throw this party when I'm so drunk? I can't come to your party because I have business. Eyerolls. A loser-fest. I thought it might be interesting to give gay Christian Republicans a voice on TV but they are as awful as the liberal Dems. It's the poorest, most insulting representation of the gay community that I've ever seen--aside from the usual cliches. The Real L Word was more interesting with some complex people and relationships.

Hasselbeck vs. Maher on The View. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kBHy2HiWjc. Good for her for having the confidence to pick a fight with someone who's way smarter than she is. She needs a martini and a Xanax.

Ghosts in the Machine

TG discovered a ghost tracker app on iPad and last night we communicated with ghosts in our apartment. I was ready to bake cookies for the ghost(s) until today when TG recanted his belief in the presence, claiming, "That app will say anything." Maybe we've watched too many A Haunting in...

Lovely article on the plight of redheads by Katherine Bindley: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katherine-bindley/redheads_b_921627.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009. She nails it.

Say a prayer for Jani Lane, former lead singer of Warrant, who died at 47. So many celebrity deaths related to substance abuse.

This will cheer you up: Heather Locklear is engaged to Jack Wagner and Snooki is signed up for Dancing With the Stars. Feel better now?

Patti Stanger has weighed in on Jennifer Aniston's relationship with Justin Theroux--thank gawd--and so has everyone else and so will I. Tabloids are saying Jen is desperate for a baby. She'll mount any geyser of swimmers. Then she'll latch onto him with powerful invisible handcuffs and shriek at him that he must never leave her. Like the primal she-monkey, if she doesn't have her mans, she'll cry bitter tears to the four corners of the Earth. My feeling is: Why would Jennifer Aniston ever be desperate? She has dough, friends, can sign on to do just about any movie she wants, could date anyone she wants. Justin's not that hot, but Tropic Thunder was awesome. As long as they're having fun. That what it's all about, right?