This porridge is too cold!

Lindsay and her long, flowing "blonde" locks showed up at the morgue a 5:30 am then supplied the staff with cupcakes and burgers. At noontime, when the employees were happily munching on their carbohydrates and processed beef, she snuck into the embalming room. She tiptoed to the forbidden cabinet, letting her eyes sweep the room. Oh these darlings, didn't they know who they were dealing with? Actress, singer, crotch-flasher. She opened one of the white wooden cabinets and saw a large bottle filled with amber liquid. "Mmmm..." she purred and pulled it from the shelf. She took a long chug of the brew. "Just right..." she said. Just kidding! Dish would forget all misdeeds for a few cupcakes and burgers. Well done, Linz!

6 staffers from Michelle Bachmann's NH team quit. Wonder why. Maybe she forgot the burgers and cupcakes.

Ashton Kutcher has released what sounds like a lame video about the truth in media and how lies spread on the Internets. I don't feel like watching it...okay I will. I just did. The truth about media and literature. Heartfelt, earnest, flashing ringless ring finger the whole time. WE ARE BEING PLAYED. I don't think anything much is going on here.

Hershey, I hate to break it to you but it seems Jessica Biel is back with Justin Timberlake. It's a sad day.

The City Is Empty

Except for the US Open. Dish caught a bit of the Nadal match today but interest in tennis has waned after 4 years of being obsessed. TG has diagnosed me with Aspergers and my in-laws have diagnosed me with agoraphobia (this is sort of correct). Any other diagnoses? TG is now backpedaling on this diagnosis but it's more because I'm not really talking to him. I do have Aspergers, after all, therefore can't focus on him at all. He's a little scared when I go quiet.

So, Michele Bachmann was on the CBS news with old guy this morning. She's much smarter than Palin but exudes a lotta crazy. I'm not sure what's going to happen with this election. It might be another vote for the lesser of two evils.

In gossip: Laurel Holloman who played Tina Kennard on The L Word has filed for divorce from her husband. The usual: Irresistible Differences (doesn't that sound better?). Madonna's W.E. got bad reviews at Venice Film festival. I can't wait to see it! Must rent The Next Best Thing to prepare! Rumor of Eddie Murphy hosting the Oscars. Bring it on! We want Pluto Nash to host! At least he might be FUNNY. They need to have actual comedians do it because the actors are not cutting it.

Chelsea is crying. Cheyenne Jackson has married his long-time partner Monte Lapka in New York. Congratulations, you guys!

And now back to Biutiful, which is very sweaty so far.

Star Sighting--Rhea Perlman!!!

3:15 pm, between 18th and 19th on Seventh Avenue. I crawled my way home after a run and saw Carla from Cheers, pulling her hood over her face to deflect the rain. Love her! Would she have cared if I'd told her how much Born to Run by Christopher MacDougall was inspiring me? Maybe not.

Lots o' procreatin' and recreatin': Can you believe Hillary Duff is preggo? I'm shocked they'd let a sixteen-year-old have sex. Oh wait...maybe she's aged since The Perfect Man starring her and Heather Locklear (who got engaged this weekend). Partying aficionado Tara Reid got married hours after being engaged to Zack Kehayov. Efficient! Jessica Alba popped out a girl.

Today's Douchefest: Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry are thoroughly running for Prez. Bachmann is way smarter than Palin but, yish, she answered very few of David Gregory's questions on Meet The Press. Does she not realize how antiquated her views are? And Rick Perry's syrup fulfilled my sugar quota for the day. Americans must be smart enough to see through both of them. I don't see a single viable candidate anywhere (Hillary?).

Indiana State Fair stage collapsed, killing five and injuring countless others. Too sad for words.

I Love/Hate Netflix

Netflix prices are going up significantly. Those f*ckers. Hitting Dish where she lives. They know they've got a good product. I love hate them!

Today was a day for grim news. Say a prayer for the family of Leibby Kletzky, a nine-year-old Brooklyn boy who went missing yesterday and whose body was found today, victim of a grizzly murder. This is one of the few times when I wish New York had the death penalty.

RIP to Sherwood Schwartz--genius creator of The Brady Bunch.

We need a little cheering up, don't we? Ted Danson has been cast to take over the lead in CSI. I'm a huge Marg Helgenberger fan but I need more than one awesome star to get me to watch a show. This might do it. I heart Ted, especially since he's been playing these creepy roles (Damages).

Rodney King was busted again. He is still one handsome son of a gun. Even though he's a screwup, he will always have one good sentence (Can't we all just get along?). Isn't that what Hemingway tried to achieve?

Rumor has it Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron are dating exclusively. Huh? I can see it sort of. Her star power has faded in the last few years so it's a strategic choice on her part. Though, Green Lantern. Hmmmm.

Oh, Michele Bachmann has blown any chance she might have had to be President. You just don't go against the gays. They are too powerful and awesome.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGIkAglJMjQ

TG's quote of the day: "Men are from gin, women are from Diet Sprite."