Hmmm, I Wonder Who's Going to Jail!?

Someone spilled the beans to me about Lindsay Lohan, though I averted my eyes before learning too much. Now I only wish I could have seen her cry as the judge handed down the sentence. No. Stop it, Dish. Does Nick Rhodes degrade himself like this? Do he and Hillary Clinton lower themselves like this? (Maybe Nick does--hoo hoo hee hee haa haa)Enough Tomfoolery! I will not yield to such star-schadenfreude.

Today, I picked up Proust instead of Perez, learning about the magnificence of a phallic steeple piercing the violet velvet sky. How gay!

Day #3, I Mean, Only Day #2 of Star Fast

Which means I'm not even halfway through. Did I mention that our air-conditioning isn't working?

It's quite sobering not to read Perez during work breaks. Somehow, I resisted The Post at my kiosk. That rag is my downfall, plus it's too easy to see what's on TV. My Yahoo browser indicated some news about Lindsay Lohan and Lady Gaga but I did not click on it. Did not watch episodes of Lost. My Netflix queue remains untouched. Have not inserted a DVD. I've withstood torture by loved ones of sensational news regarding Duran Duran and Sandra Bullock. TG claims that Gina Lolabrigida is having an affair with Brad Pitt. As if she'd touch his nasty ass. Most painful, I did not catch up on my CNN while at the gym. To quote Prince Dougray Scott in Ever After, I will not yield!!!

Guest Blogger: TG

Starblog #1. Starship Dishiepoo. Captain TG Grillspoon. We have just returned from 48 hours of leave in Euphoria, NJ where Dishmom, Dishstepdad, Dishbrother, Disbrother's partner, and Admiral Dishiepoo herself celebrated the independence of our great nation. Traditional holiday staples were had and enjoyed by all: potato salad, ribs, corn, ice cream, in addition to a sumptuous tart with crème anglaise and blueberries. I have been admitted to sick bay after First Officer Shlock's tricorder readings detected abnormally high levels of cholesterol and alcohol in my bloodstream. Dr. McGroin has recommended a vegetarian diet and use of a girdle should trips like these become part of the Star Trek franchise. On a more positive note, Chief Engineer Mr. Pott has successfully produced a marinade for spare ribs that will make them as tender as baby back ribs for next year's celebration. The Confederation is considering accommodating Mr. Pott with its highest honor for this money saving discovery.

Day #1: The No Pop Culture Challenge

I feel fine so far. The shaking hasn't started but I almost flipped through Glamour before realizing: 1. Julia was in the issue. 2. I'm too old to read Glamour 3. It's only Day #1 of my no pop culture challenge. I have two Netflix movies, bought The Brave One (Dish can so identify) at Duane Reade's 9.99 rack and can't watch any of these discs. I'm listening to classical music because that's what old people do when they're not into pop culture. I managed to steal a Henry James novel from my parents' house.

To deal with this week, I will be inviting guest bloggers to Dish. Detox will be painful.

I couldn't give two sh*ts about Independence Day. It's a farce considering that gays are not FREE to marry. Women are treated like dog crap. Racism is everywhere and the U.S. keeps screwing up on a massive scale. We're involved in tons of wars with leaders unable to lead. What is there to celebrate?

Maybe a few things:

Nadal won Wimbledon in straight sets.
Dish is engaged.
TG is grilling today.
We have our health.

That's enough. Tomorrow starts Day #1 of the challenge. Hope I don't check Perezhilton.com accidentally.

If We Both Lean Forward At The Same Time, We'll Kiss!

The challenge is on! Starting July 5, Dish will go a whole week without the essentials: celebs, tabloids, gossip, TV, movies--and especially, no Julia. What will I do? Listen to chamber music because that's what cultured people do. I'll continue reading Proust.

Thank goodness my fast will end by July 12 because that's the season premiere of The Closer and this new lesbian cop drama Rizzoli and Isles, starring that raspy-talking Republican who's married to the football player. I kinda like her. It's not really a lesbian cop drama but we can dream, can't we?

Dish Is Related To...

...Liev Schreiber!!! Maybe it's a stretch but DishAunt kept name-dropping about family and "Schreiber" was one of the names. Could it be true? I see a little resemblance in the massive jowl area. Does this mean that Naomi is sort of like...my sister? Now I can brush her long blond hair and it wouldn't be weird at all!!!

So, I'm thinking of doing one of those Julia/Julie/Happiness Project challenges, not for publicity or $$$ (though of course welcome) but for my own betterment. I wouldn't last a year so I'll challenge myself to one week of NO: celebrities, movies, Page Six, perezhilton, huffingtonpost, radaronline, People, etc... Perhaps even no television? One week. Can Dish do it?

It's hard to know...

...where the crazy ends and the insanity begins. Lots of shakeups in the world, the most catastrophic being that Kelsey Grammer is divorcing his little lady Godiva. I was rooting for the blonde waif, especially since she didn't ruin her figure by birthing a child. Poor Lady, she will be traded in--except she's now on one of the Real Housewives franchises. Funny how many of those housewives are not wives at all. I thought Kelsey was cute for about 5 minutes in the 80s, until I learned about his penchant for strippers, narcotics and booze--not that there's anything wrong with that. I enjoy him on a small screen and am torn about whether to spend the $$$ to see La Cage Aux Folles. Thoughts, JJ?

If you weren't already shocked: Dean McDermott fell off his bike. I can see Tori Spelling, her skeletor legs pumping through the sand to get to her injured (flatulent) man, with cameras trailing behind her.

Oh right, Mel Gibson showed us he hasn't changed since the Sugar Tits incident. His recent ex had recorded his ick and Gibson's lackeys are working to keep the hate-filled rant out of court. In 1994, he was hot. Now he's a greasy and sad. His ex-wife got the best of him (which, in his case, is always the worst).