Secretly Watching "The Bachelor"

I'll admit, I'm distracted. A girl just got denied a rose and shipped after she gushed about her growing affection for Brad. The reject tearfully is grateful that being with Brad helped raise her standards. He feels bad, needs to process his feelings. Can he? No because psycho Michelle storms into his place. How can I tear myself away from all these lies?

Oh wait, TGCat peed on the bed.

The watercooler is all abuzz about Christina Aguilera and lo on Page Six, her staff allegedly planned an intervention to get her to rehab. Maybe it's a phase. Divorce, new boyfriend, child to raise, flagging career--I'd be hitting the bottle, too. Can't she have her moment of crazy?

Speaking of which, Paul Haggis has left Scientology because of their stance of Proposition 8 (14 in QAF). Maybe without this, he'll do something better than awful Crash. Yes, I have the audacity to hate that movie.

Christina Aguilera Was Just Nervous

That's what TG said when Aguilera botched the lyrics of the national anthem before the Super Bowl. I don't mind. A good botching is more fun than all the vibrato. I'm getting confused by the yellow on both sides.

Last night's SNL was a bit better due to Dana Carvey. SNL still sucks this season (I keep watching) and their writers aren't delivering. Linkin' Park sucked but then TG and I realized all the bands sound bad on SNL (except Prince).

Dishfamily saw The King's Speech, which was a delight (but not as gut-ripping as Black Swan). Colin Firth is wonderful, as usual, and I couldn't resist nudging TG over and over when he greets Jennifer Ehle (aka Logue's wife, aka LIZZIE). He's been so gracious as to watch the full 5-hour BBC version of Pride & Prejudice with me. Need I state the obvious: Geoffrey Rush is a god.

Sniff: Charlie Sheen sent texts to his party girls that he's closed for business. I wonder what the addiction specialist will have him do next!

It's rumored that Camille Grammer will join The Real Housewives of New York City to add drama, which was lacking in this new season. Imagine, women getting along is not interesting.

All Hail Dom Brown!

It's time to crown a new king. Fans might find it hard to let go of Warren Cuccurullo and Andy Taylor but they're gone. The last three Duran Duran concerts I've seen featured Dom. In 2004 when they began a comeback, Dom was there to sub. When Andy flaked out permanently, Dom was there and he's been there ever since. Why isn't he Duran Duran? A diehard (and I would DIE HARD for them) of twenty-eight years, Dish loves his happy energy, a staple in the Tao of Duran Duran.

Watch for yourself:http://www.vh1.com/video/misc/618985/duran-duran-performs-all-you-need-is-now.jhtml#id=1657114. As you can see, I managed to watch their pre-Superbowl-jam. All is well again in my house.

Star Sighting--Susan Sarandon!!!

6:25pm, 15th and 7th Avenue: There she was, standing and on her cell phone, looking straight ahead. Some people are born perfect.

Theft, Death, Love Child, Promiscuity, Rejection!

All in a day's work for celebrities and their families. Yay!

I'm not sure how I missed it but--apparently and allegedly--Lindsay Lohan is not just a substance abuser but a jewel thief. What's next? Shooting a dog?

Former Enron President Jeff Skilling's son was found dead, prescription bottle, etc... Very sad.

I was just talking about Shaky-Camera Soderbergh and then an article in the Post about his having a love child--being slapped with paternity suit--while married to Jules Asner, though they might have been on a break. Relationships are complex.

Jake Gyllenhaal dating Carrie Mulligan? I'm getting so confused. He was just in Nashville having a "closure" talk with Taylor Swift, flirting with Camille Belle and attending the Globes with an ex-girlfriend.

Maybe the best piece of news, awful Dish schadenfreude, is that MTV nixed Lauren Conrad's new reality show about her working her own fashion line. She didn't seem to work on The Hills and she's been out of the limelight for a while. It's a shrewd move on MTV's part. To survive, you need more than a vapid stare and sparkling hair.

Misery: The Real Housewives of New York City delayed because of boring premiere. Now the Miami franchise is due in. Judging from the trailer--an even bigger freak show than Beverly Hills or New Jersey.

Simon Le Bon's Beard Is Growing On Me

Sometimes electrolysis isn't enough. When you get older--not that I would know this--unwanted hair grows even more and in the strangest places. I imagine Simon is tired of shaving and wants to mark this new Mark Ronson era of Duran Duran with sweaty egg-salad-catching face fur. I like it.

What I don't like is when VH1 airs the Superbowl Jams (on which DD played) at the same time as The Office (TG's favorite show). For the last half hour, I manically switched back and forth. Tonight's Office stunk hard and I missed most of DD's set. To cap off the night, TG said Duran Duran was "kind of old and flat." I'm not speaking to him right now.

Let's pretend nothing happened. Julia might be in talks to star as the Evil Queen in The Brothers Grimm: Snow White. Could be genius or terrible casting. It depends on the angle, will she be adult-evil or kid-evil?

My latest genius coupling: Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. Is it true he's doing rehab at home with an addiction specialist? I guess I could be an addiction specialist (see all previous posts).

I'm Sorry, Gale Harold, But I'm a Married Woman Now

Friends of Dish might snarf their lattes at news that Hellcats has dropped off my radar. A little thing called MARRIAGE and TRUE LOVE took over my screen-stalking of Gale Harold. I neglected many of my loves, perhaps even Julia, but mostly Gale. Though I admire him from more of a distance, fer sherr I will catch up on Gale's masterful portrayal of an earnest law professor. Watch and drool: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVzNhrzSn70. Now when are he and Ashton Kutcher going to team up as brothers? Yes, I'm secretly a casting agent, too.

Say a prayer for darling Anderson Cooper who got punched-a-lot and is trapped in Dish's former favorite civilization, Egypt. That country needs to bring back Cleopatra but leave Octavian behind. He ruined everything (though is my favorite Roman emperor).

Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry are in a vicious custody battle. A Dishacquaintance has come forward to bash Aubry's character on a popular tabloid site. But...this Dishacquaintance also lacks character. I feel like screaming this to the website, but this would result in bad karma. One wonders where the real story lurks in this battle. Bottom line: one big mess for this poor child--not the parents. A celebrity custody battle can only be done in public and their daughter will suffer ten times more (look at Basinger/Baldwin dispute). Can't these two just get along and hate each other in private?

Dish Dream Come True: Jane Lynch Writing Memoir!

I can't imagine anything more titillating: Jane Lynch on my Kindle. Her memoir (published by Hyperion) is scheduled for September 2011 release. I cannot wait that long.

And if my day couldn't get better, it seems Ricky Gervais was asked back to host the Golden Globes again! Bahahahahah! Did Dish call it or what? So predictable and now I pronounce Ricky The Smartest Comedian of All Time. He knows how to work the system. Update: Jokes on me, it was a rumor. I can dream, can't I?

The cap on Tuesday: Barbara Bush (the granddaughter of "Bar") endorses gay marriage.