ADDish

ExBF17 and I started watching Becket and within five minutes I was dozing. Dish is an insomniac so this is a miracle. Maybe it was the 500 minutes it took for King Peter to walk to his mark (no car explosions to diversify the shot). Maybe I've seen too much homoerotic subtext. I tried to stay awake by imagining Richard Burton boinking Liz Taylor or heckling Peter as he went to grab a dreaded female booby, but ExBF17's shushing stopped me. Twenty minutes elapsed before the ringing phone made its merciful presence known.

The funniest part of the evening--ExBF17 looked at my computer wallpaper, which is GH of course, and said, "Who's this f*ckface?"

Was he just pretending not to recognize Adonis reincarnated?

The Frank Miller/Mickey Rourke Ticket

Star Sighting: Frank Miller in Hell's Kitchen, around 5pm. Dish adores Mr. Sin. He is a gentleman consumed by demons, both scary and delicious. While basking in the sanctity of his genius, I came up with a genius idea of my own:

Frank Miller for President
Mickey Rourke for Vice-President
Dish as Secretary of Defense AND Treasury (I'm not into defense or treasury but I could make it fun and, for once, I'd be able to fly First Class)

He agreed it was a good idea though he'd had me in mind for Secretary of State. Naw, I said. That would be slavery and I don't wanna travel so much. A slave to Miller and Rourke. Now there's an idea. Wink wink, crack of whip. As secretary, my first order of business would be the legalization of certain vices which I'm sure the VP would endorse. Then, I would make Gale Harold my Secretary of the Secretary of Defense and Treasury. I would treasure that.

Speaking of which...I was shocked at the niceness of Gale's character on last night's Desperate Housewives. So sweet, doting I'm not sure I believed it (I'm forgetting the singing). I'll have to watch more closely a few hundred times. Dear reader, the frightening part was not only GH's gorgeosity, but that he and Teri said some of the same words that me and ExBF17 exchanged, though I'm not traumatized over killing someone in a car accident (I only just got my new driver's license). Maybe that's why ExBF17 felt he had to leave in the middle. Or he couldn't stand to compete with GH's hotness and my fixation on the screen. Hmmmm. Romance is difficult.

Gale Harold is Desperate Tonight!

I've got my Cheetos, chips, mint cookie ice cream, and Paul Newman salsa ready for tonight's Big Moment: Gale breathing life into Desperate Housewives, which might have jumped the shark last season. The only aspect I find funny is that Teri Hatcher's character is supposedly fending off Gale, as in he wants her more than she wants him. Will any of us find this plausible? If so, I'm heading straight for Botox and that molasses, lemon water piss diet. Better yet, I'll go back on my foolproofbutyoumightfaint 64oz Diet Pepsi diet.

In any case, viewers and reGale-ers, I hope you're ready. Dish can barely stand it and will pass the next few hours on a quasi-date with exBF17. The alarm goes off at 8:55pm and everyone will shut up and leave me to my ecstasy.

Seeing my Gale will so make up for the shock and misery of finding exBF16 as one of my "matches" in my online dating account. Luckily, he looks fatter and his glasses are hideous. Delete!

Valkyrie

I never thought I'd admit this: After seeing the recent trailer for Tom Cruise's new movie on Perezhilton.com...(I kinda wanna see it). Dish loves flicks with molto explosions and machine guns. Plus, the whole eye patch and American accent in Germany might be cause for hilarity (though there's nothing funny about Nazi Germany). I will plunk down 12$ for what could be a fart sandwich. Deep down, I support Tom, who has done some good work.

There, I said it.

The Fifth Sign of the Apocalypse

How can one think of anything but the death of Paul Newman? In his honor, Dish has put a moratorium on dieting so as to indulge in his amazing salad dressings, cookies, and salsa. Paul would have wanted that. Dish and Mama Dish grieved during mani/pedis today. I've always felt good about giving money to his products and his kids' camp. Not only was he brilliant in all movies (Dish's personal fave: The Verdict) but he's one of those rare big stars who wasn't all me-me-me, instead giving every single day. Donate today to his Hole in the Wall camps!

Please Give Me a Cupcake

Dish is sitting in her apartment with all the lights off. Not good. It's junk food withdrawal. No chips, no Cheetos, no overly processed foods, no salad dressing on anything, smaller portions. I started crying when I thought of salty lime Tostitos. This lasted two minutes before I flipped on Snapped. Seeing women unravel and kill their spouses makes me happy. Later, there's the debate where Obama and McCain will fight over who has the bigger boner.

In celebrity news, it's hard to imagine anything more exciting than the premiere of DH and Brothers & Sisters on Sunday. I can't wait to see Sally Field kvetch. A funny thing--Tom wants to see Beckett with me on Sunday but I mentioned DH was on at 9pm. He said I could DVR it and watch it later. Ha. AS IF!

Office Hats

I'm watching the premiere of The Office right now, chuckling over Michael's goatee. It's hilarious the sad things we do to express admiration. Because I loved Duran Duran, I stole my father's felt fedora, thinking it would look cool. It didn't. Hats never stay on my head. Oh, Dish, you were so suave at 12.

Don't know why but The Office isn't as funny tonight. Maybe because Pam is "in New York." Maybe they got new writers? Maybe the climax of Jim not proposing to Pam is over? I'll hang tough (3 more days till Desperate Housewives).

Out and Proud

I'm taking a page out of Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan's notebooks and declaring my sexuality: I'm heterosexual. I've tried to brainwash myself with pictures of Jennifer Connelly, The L Word, and countless bad relationships with XYs, but I can't hide who I am (though I will keep wearing men's cologne).

Dish kids. Truly, it's wonderful when public figures show young teens (with whom I used to work and whose suffering I witnessed daily) that being gay is just fine. In the last several months, it's nice to see Lindsay happy in those tabloid pics. Ya know?