Why Do I Keep Dreaming about Tom Cruise?

It happens about once every quarter, like the delivery of my TIAA-CREF statement. The Scientology Prince appears in my dreams, leaving me serene the next morning. I don't ask for him to show up but as soon as he does, my subconscious is in starry-eyed awe. During my waking life, I only watch his movies to assess his clothes and hair. He and his personal life bore me, as do his interviews and gay rumors.

Last night, we were shooting some movie where our child was kidnapped (go figure, my subconscious wants me to be an actress). The girl has a cute mop of black and big green eyes (not my features since this is TOM we're dealing with). After scenes where I freak out, crying over "my baby," Tom comforts me, we make out on the way to rescue her (he's not a good kisser, but was nice to me, didn't wash his mouth out with Purrell afterwards--apologies to BF who is eons more appealing), and somehow, he finds the solution to where our girl is by locking himself in the bathroom and reading the label on a bottle of Scope. Brilliant! After the take, Tom and I walk down the hallway and I tell him I never believed the gay rumors. He flashes that smile and hangs a finger on one of my beltloops, so trying to seem like a Casanova. I know the truth. Of course, before I could figure out what that truth is, I wake up to a wailing cat.

In other news, Live Free and Die Hard was breathtaking, especially when Bruce drives a truck off a tumbling bridge, which somehow takes out a fighter plane. Great action sequences, though am not understanding how Timothy Olyphant was cast as the formidable villain. I kept waiting for him to break out the Clearasil and journal his feelings. They gave him a touch of grey at his temples, but he seems about twelve...and girly. Not like a psychotic computer nerd. Eric Bogosian was way better at this in the Steven Seagal masterpiece, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory.

As far as action movies go, I'm waiting for the girl-triumphant Jodie Foster flick coming out in September. I'm so into watching her play it straight, with Naveen Andrews no less. But a gun-toting Jodie should not be missed.