Dish Is a Nanowrimo Winner!

Not sure if I remember what I wrote, but it's done. 50K words. A juicy FICTIONAL Dish tell-all.

So, Happy birthday, Billy Idol! In the midnight hour, we all cry, "More More More."

In Treatment: The Sunil storyline disturbs me. Don't you feel he's going to kill his daughter-in-law? Love this show. It scrapes the insides of your brain and takes you to dark places. With Nanowrimo under the belt, Dish now thinks she's friggin Edgar Allen Poe!

Sad Duran Duran news: They've had to cancel tour of South Africa. This means they can spend more time with us in the States!!! They were mentioned on tonight's Glee ("Rio," to be exact, Dish's wedding song!) so it's only a matter of time before their seventh wave of greatness. On a related note, Bob Geldof now pans "Do They Know It's Christmas," which put him on the map (okay, maybe Pink Floyd's The Wall helped) and made teenage Dish squirm with happiness. Even though the lyrics are ridiculous, let's take an awesome, once considered inspired, trip into the past: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5cX_ncZLls.

Goodbye to the Naked Gun

Dish is bleeding from the eyes from the flood of "Don't call me Shirley" Facebook status updates. Let us mourn Leslie Nielsen, whose Airplane and Naked Gun movies enthralled viewers. I won't call him Shirley, but I will call him Leslie. R.I.P., you silver fox. He was good on The Love Boat, too.

Speaking of love, A-Rod and Diaz are back on! Though perhaps they were never "off." The holidays always bring people together.

Rumor has it James Franco and Anne Hathaway will host the Oscars. I'm sorry but I want a funny comedian who traditionally bombs with the unfunny overly-PC Oscar audience. These guys don't laugh. Maybe it's the Botox or takingselftooseriouslyitis?

Star Sighting--Rachel Dratch

2:15, Whore Foods, Union Square: While taking an afternoon constitutional, Dish spotted funnywoman Rachel Dratch pushing a baby carriage through the dairy section. Sporting chic black sweatpants, she seemed harried but one would expect this if pushing a baby carriage through a crowded store during the busiest weekend of the year. Hope she got out okay. TG and I spent 0$ though did discover they sell Growler beer.

Post Thanksgiving Withdrawal

The city still empty and I'm craving another Thanksgiving dinner. Because the stars aren't delivering tasty goods either, I introduced TG to Waiting for Guffman, a classic. See fun clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De6AkndwRpM&feature=related. Upon waking, I realized I'd missed Duran Duran on The Today Show. Dish is getting old.

Speaking of old, Willie Nelson was busted for pot again. Why don't the authorities just let him smoke his doobies? No one is going to stop him. He's a legend, not hurting anyone. Other criminals do more serious stuff. Willie and doobies go together like Mom and apple pie.

The city is dead...

...and Dish still feels like death warmed over. With a couple exceptions, it was mostly a wasted day, which aggravates. If I can't cross things off my To Do, who am I?

Well, I'm not Taylor Swift, though we both sing a little off key. She is the envy of many gay men because she might have even touched the abs of the Prince of Persia, Jake Gyllenhaal. Tabloids report they had Thanksgiving maple lattes (gag!) over the holiday. I'm sure they had a lot of lattes, and why shouldn't they?

Hope you're having a Happy Thanksgiving weekend. Dish is catching up on her stars, like Nicki Minaj and Cheryl Cole. It's a new generation.

Dish is thankful for...

...Lindsay getting out of rehab for Thanksgiving. Dish stayed behind bars through Christmas, without so much as a ho ho ho. Well, maybe a ho.

...Michael Douglas being healthy enough to go to Disney World with his family. He's as skinny as Catherine. The two could tip over at any second. Eat, papa.

...Duran Duran's new album comes out in December.

...Jennifer Grey won DWTS. Power to the middle age!

...most of all, thanks to TG, family and friends.

T-Day Eve

Dish feels like death warmed over. The treadmill made the head pound worse. The Rx: I pray baking helps, along with a double decaf espresso to knock out the throbbing. In the words of Carly Simon, "I haven't got time for the pain."

But what do I know about pain? Jennifer Jason Crazy and Noah Baumbach are divorcing. The first red flag for Dish was his directing his wife to poop in her pants in Margot at the Wedding. Still not over it, though applaud later-in-life marriages (wink wink).

Welcome to the new Travolta, Baby Benjamin.

Happy Day Before Thanksgiving!

My Endless Love

Two British hearts beat as one starting on April 29, 2011. Dammit, I'm not missing another royal wedding. I have Kate/Wills fever along with the rest of the world. Consider Dish in front of the television from dusk to dawn!

From dawn to yawn, Gabriel Aubry seems to be dating Kim Kardashian. Such a step down in many ways though Kim is in the spotlight than Halle. Then again, Halle has a hotter boyfriend and her Oscar, which are both better rewards.

In other news, Kelsey Grammer allegedly tried to keep his 6.5 million $ love shack from his ex Camille, the one who gave the best years of her life (though not bad to live in a mansion and have icky husband gone most of the time). Now, if only I didn't love Kelsey so much as Frasier!

Beauty and the Beauty

Devastating but understandable: Kate Winslet split with hot model boyfriend. This kind of news makes me cry because they were so beautiful together. It's inevitable that she'll rebound with someone less hot, as she's done before. We've all done it. Held Adonis in our hands until he transformed into Narcissus and couldn't stop staring at himself in the lake. Who's left but Hephaestus, the lame blacksmith of the gods--though he did marry Aphrodite. She gets all the guys!

Some good evidence that Jessica Simpson might be preggers. Purse held close to belly, sudden pullout of interview, telling Harry Smith he wouldn't want to smell her breath right then. It's about time we had another Simpson in the world. Maybe she's preggers before Vanessa Minillo but not before Pink--a total coup.

In more important news: Dish is veering toward vegetarianism and no-gluten, though this could fade with Thanksgiving and the lure of Portuguese rolls--not to mention my best friend: Cake.

Pas de DH mais AMAs Instead

Le weekend était trop short, though très enjoyable! TG and moi, nous avons watchay le depressing film Germinal, qui starre Miou Miou (dis-ca en voix de kitty!) et le super-fatte Gerard Depardieu. Mon nouvelle line favorite est: Le café est watery, mais we still like it! Le stormy weather d'Emile Zola's sick-twisted imagination: travaille dans les mines, pas de food mais have 7 kids parce que nous ne pouvons pas arrêter de bumper les uglies, le beg et le plead pour money, le boinking dans la forest pour acquire de nouvel red ribbon--merveilleux juxtaposition avec le noir dans le world, la mort et tragédie. Quoi next? Shoot le chien? C'est le magique de Zola. Tout est suckant.

Autres nouvelles: Lindsay Lohan ne fais pas le film de l'actresse de Deep Throat. Sacré bleu! Could anything etre plus upsetting? Oui, que Les Housewives Desespérées n'est pas à la télé.

Star Sighting--Fred Schneider

2:45pm at Chelsea dry cleaner's. Just thought I'd drop in before the place closed and saw that the man in front of me wore one yellow sneaker and one black. Had to be Fred Schneider of the B-52s! In profile, I received confirmation. He is in fine shape and gave me a pitying look as he left with his clothes (which had a different name attached though did some investigation on this and found connection). Okay, so Dish did not have makeup on and hair in disarray. Not EVERYONE is as amazing as Fred!!!

Remastered Duran Duran

I'll stop mentioning them once their new album "drops" and I have concert tickets in my hot little hands. Just finished watching the excellent Behind the Music: Remastered on VH1 Classics. So good to see them again. Out of breath.

Other news: Wesley Snipes is going to prison for not paying taxes. After seeing his masterful fighting in the Blade series, he's one of the few celebrities who could last in prison besides, well, Gary Busey, Jackie Chan, Steve Buscemi and maybe Willem Dafoe. Without the karate strength, you gotta pull out the crazy. Though I wonder if he'll get razzed for To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything... He killed!

Dish wonders maliciously and vindictively how Ryan Reynolds is People's Sexiest Man Alive? I enjoy him very much but find sexiness lacking.

Star Sighting--Linus Roache

6:30 pm, walking suspiciously close to Dish's apartment: Ever-scrumptious Linus Roache seemed anxious to get somewhere. Wearing a stylish leather jacket and requisite for-reading-only celebrity glasses, he darted past me without so much as a quick hello. Maybe it was my magical red Duran Duran bag, though in my book, it's a selling tool.

Do You Have Your Alarm Clock Set for Duran Duran?

They will be on The Today Show tomorrow between 7-9am, most likely promoting their latest album: "All You Need Is Now"--which will bring them up more frequently in Google searches for The Beatles "All You Need Is Love." Excellent strategizing, boys! With new album, a tour is sure to follow. Getting palpitations already...

Gwyneth Paltrow: I enjoy her when she's being funny and have wanted her to sing more since her touching performance in Duets. For those who haven't seen this week's Glee, she's comedy in motion but fast-forward to the last four minutes--unless you love Jane Lynch, which Dish does.

A Quick One

Dish did the wedding tasting today and rediscovered the joy of drinking wine with lunch. TG and I are basking in the food coma haze, to the point where I forgot to find out anything on celebs. I'm behind on my Glee and Modern Family. All I know is: the world is going bananas over Wills and Kate; Eva and Tony might have an icky divorce; and, wait for it, the ever-hot Beau Bridges is going to be a new love interest for Sally Field on B&S!!! It's brilliant to reunite them decades after Norma Rae! As for Dish, the more Sally gets serviced on that show, the happier I am. When Sally--wearing, we hope, another tight t-shirt--holds up that "Union" sign, it means something very different this time.

Did Not See This Coming!

Dish says until blue in the face: Never marry an athlete. They cheat. Always on the road. Groupies everywhere. We see evidence of this every 17 seconds. Let's say a prayer for Eva Longoria who filed for divorce from her cheating husband. As with Sandra Bullock, she's getting the hell out of dodge. Eva will survive.

My household is faced with the tragedy of having caught up with Criminal Minds. What can we watch next that's gory, sensational, serialkiller-tastic and reveals psychological illness? We might be starting a new journey with CSI. I love Marg Helgenberger more than life itself.

She Got Diana's Ring!

After years of courting Kate Middleton (love her!), Prince William popped the question. Maybe this Diana will get it right. I remember where I was when she and Charles wed--on a plane from France to America. Hours later, Grampa and I watched coverage and I dreamed of meeting my own prince, praying for someone even better looking than Prince Charles (I was near-sighted).

Just went to get latte and was approached by a man who loved my red glasses, red hair, where was I from, was I single? Usually when confronted like this, I pull out my imaginary boyfriend "Jason" and claim near-matrimonial bliss. This time, I excitedly flashed my ring finger. "I'm getting married in two months!" After wishing me luck, the stranger darted off. Now, watching Bridezillas: OMG, these brides are horrible, ruining their shining moments. Lots of breaking into tears over not getting right limo. If only their exertions would burn calories. That was mean. TG is so lucky I'm chill.

Britney Spears's parents are canoodling again and, taking a break from her knitting books, Leeza Gibbons got engaged. Even better, Sonia Braga and Sally Field had a sexy-off on Brothers & Sisters. As always, Sally wins, though Sonia got in some good tonsil hockey with thirty years younger Justin. Call me crazy, but really, there is no one sexier than Sally Field/Nora Walker. I cannot wait to be in my sixties!

Slapping :: Hitting as What Happened in the Back Room at Babylon on QAF :: Sex

I'm so glad we have Mel Gibson and Bubba to make subtle distinctions in language (tho I do like Bubba at the end of the journey)--much like France's Académie Française. Mel can do all the slapping he wants because it's not hitting. At age 5, Dish used the "f" word rather loudly and got slapped, more because I shocked my parent (not DM). I never used that word again. :)

So, everyone got it wrong: Kelly Preston is not in labor. Not even a little dilated? Even Dish is at 3 centimeters with sympathy braxton hicks. Thinking of you, Kell! Get your act together, tabloids.

Today is Sam Waterston's 70th birthday. We may love him as the cranky ADA in Law & Order. For your entertainment, rent The Great Gatsby starring Sam, Robert Ignore-the-three-moles-in-my-cheek Redford and the deliciously icy Mia Farrow.

A great victory for Michael Douglas as his money-grubbing ex will not get any of his Wall Street 2 money. Dumb and vicious lawsuit. Don't mess with cancer, rubberlips.

So freaking charming: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Tt2u-S7NTs&feature=related.

Oh, Thank Goodness!

Jessica Simpson got engaged within days of her ex-husband Nick Lachey. It's always important to do better than your ex and upstage him/her. Jessica gets to show him that she's moved on (tho think she's the one who dissed him). In a similar vein, fresh from being cheated on, LeAnn Rimes's ex got engaged. Not a second to spare in the Game of Life.

John Travolta flew his ass to Australia to celebrate Qantas until he heard his wife Kelly Preston went into labor. I hope he's back in time to tell her--quietly, as this is a Scientology birth--to Push! Maybe since no one's watching, Kelly could sneak in a scheduled C-section or big ole epidural to minimize the discomfort. Random question: Is there any "science" involved in "Scientology?" At least my religion "Damonetics" has to do with furthering the cause/teachings of Matt Damon (I'm just one of the Elders. The High Priest is Dishfriend).

And now, just because it's the kind of song one needs to hear/watch over and over again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E46BhMIRujI, then listen to the fabulous Katy Perry's version, also gives one the shivers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98WtmW-lfeE. Dish's second favorite Glee song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnYYb8RWVtY. Love all the Madonnas!

A Day Off From Rehab?

I don't get it. How does Lindsay Lohan get a day off from rehab at Betty Ford? Does everyone get this treatment? Being in a confined space is hard and excuse me if Dish is old school, but you just grit your teeth and bear it. If I were an addict and my life/career were on the line, I'd spend a year in rehab and re-emerge like a phoenix from the flames. Like Aerosmith.

Today's viewing included Cher's appearance on Letterman. I like their chemistry and just love Cher overall. Who doesn't? Particularly interesting is her trouble accepting her daughter who's now her son, though she seems to actively work on this and she stands by him. It is dangerous to gloss over the very real difficulties that parents have in dealing with this issue. As much as parents should accept their children and who they are, it's not always that easy.

TG doesn't know it yet but I'm about to subject him to The Good Witch's Gift, starring the excellent Catherine Bell.

Dish...

...is too annoyed to comment. Everything--even the stars--are irritating. (yes, especially you, Kanye)

Cupcake, Julia and Duran Duran's Wedding Album needed, STAT.

The Lights Are On But Dish Isn't Home

Dish has reached 19K on Nanowrimo. It's supposed to be the hardest week of the challenge and that is true. Not sure what I will write for the second half of my tome. I'm starting to rely on celeb trivia and this is not a book about stars. That could all change.

I was shocked to learn that Jane Fonda had just been treated for breast cancer and is now cancer free. By sheer coincidence I witnessed for the second time Dana's demise on The L Word and the touching tribute to her character. We can't lose another to this disease!

Another shocker: Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky broke up. A few years ago, OldDishfriend threw his novel onto their property in the West Village. Dish had had to do some sleuthing beforehand--Garcia-style from Criminal Minds--to find out where they lived. Speaking of Garcia, she's grown to be such an inspiration to both me and TG. At first, I dismissed her as the typical goofy eccentric nerd with bangs, just like every goofy sidekick comic relief on every CSI, NCIs. Over the last few months as we've watched every episode, we've grown to love her with the strength of a thousand suns. Kirsten Vangsness rules!

More Cupcakes in NYC

Fresh from an appointment with my new doctor (who is excellent), I happened upon a scrumptious new bakery called Lulu Cake Boutique on 15th and 8th. The cakes were gorgeous and because they gave me a free cupcake, I'm in love. The frosting is very buttery (like Cupcake Cafe) but the cake itself much better than what's out there. As cupcakes go: A-. Dish deflowered the place within an hour of its grand opening.

Speaking of grand openings, how about Glee's homolicious rendition of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream? Living in Chelsea is enough of a dream for me but watching the performance brought me chills. This season hasn't been great but nice episode. Watching this over and over: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E46BhMIRujI

Rumor: Is Pink preggers? I wonder if the stick turned PINK?

Madge You're Soaking In It

My massage therapist told me I'd be a great "hand model." The dim lighting covered the age spots but what the hell! I'm going for it!

Dish's Imaginary Boyfriend from 20 Years Ago Jon Tenney is in court with ex-wife Teri Hatcher to have a judge decide custody of their daughter for the holidays. This is the sanest thing possible when you're not buddy-buddy with the ex. Whoever gets her for Christmas WINS!

Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson might be together again (thought he was gay), Courtney Love is wobbling into furniture again, and OMG Bret Michaels might have slept with Miley's mom. I want evidence. Oh wait, no I don't.

Dish Got Her Flu Shot. Did You?

Last night, a swoony man-kiss on Desperate Housewives--wahoo, ABC! Then lots of hissy fits and the promise of geezer sex on Brothers & Sisters. Speaking of which, Keith Super-UberMann returns to MSNBC after a measly three days. Really? There is no recourse for breaking rules anymore. The rule itself was silly (since it's silly to pretend that journalists are ever so objective, especially about campaigns) but the punishment ridiculous.

Today's Diarrhea: Eric Roberts called Kate Gosselin a "child abuser," Gretchen Mol is preggers, Christina Aguilera may or may not be canoodling with her Burlesque assistant.

Just listened to a clip of Duran Duran's new song "Being Followed" (birthed with their latest collaboration--Mark Ronson)and I'm not wowed. I might grow into it, as I did with "Union of the Snake" and "Reach Up for the Sunrise." My feeling is that DD needs super-funk and Nile Rogers again. Oh wait...is he still alive? And that Simon's voice be less whiny but deeper as it was in "Rio." That said, I loved their last album "Red Carpet Massacre," esp. "Falling Down," "The Valley," and "She's Too Much."

At 12K for Nanowrimo

Who knew Dish could have so much to write? Well, you witness it daily with my verbal diarrhea over celebs. Starwise, nothing happened over the weekend except Dishbrother, who is a licensed massage therapist, saw the Chilean miner in the massage tent at the NYC marathon.

But here's some news in the vein of items I don't care about:

Michael Jackson unreleased song might be authentic. Janis Joplin is also dropping her new CD from heaven.

Lil Wayne was released from jail. I'm not sure what Lil does or why he's on TMZ.

Linday Lohan's night excursion to see a movie while she's supposed to be in rehab. Really? Letting an addict go for a walk? Have you seen 24 where someone is there to pass off the goods?

Dina Lohan going on the Today show to talk about a celebrity who's done nothing interesting since Mean Girls and even that was a stretch. Why should bad parenting be rewarded with a guest spot on TV? Dish needs to rethink.

Things I'm bursting to talk about:

Alleged sex tapes floating around from at least two hot young Hollywood studs. The advent of cell phone filming will ruin secret sex of the stars. Lucky for me, I am discreet so will only blab about it with my friends.

Re: plastic surgery. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills admitted to their surgeries, which takes out some of the mystique. Dish applauds this honesty. Someone whom you wouldn't think has had plastic surgery has had tons. I'll be quiet now.

This is a blow...

Jill Clayburgh died yesterday at 66 after a long battle with chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Why, God? Why must you take away these legends? I first heard her on the soundtrack of Pippin, then had seen her with Burt Reynolds in Starting Over. Through the years, I went through her repertoire and then got a nice boost when she starred with Donald Sutherland in Dirty Sex Money. Blessings on her coming and going.

*Sniff*

Dish Started a Trend

Now that I'm engaged, all these celebrities are getting engaged. Keeping themselves in the headlines, Vanessa Minnillo got a big rock from Nick Lachey. In the pics, he looks like a deer in headlights, though he kinda looks like that anyway.

Conflicting reports on an engagement between Leeanne Rimes and Eddie Cibrian. They are big cheaters a hot couple. That Leeanne went from girl to woman in the last couple years.

And now, TG and I are recovering from a few episodes of Criminal Minds, where C. Thomas Howell emerges from TigerBeat circa 1986 to dazzle us as a serial killer. Loved him as a teen actor but he's even better as an adult. Too bad Soul Man killed his career for a while.

Keith Obermann just got suspended by MSNBC for contributing to three Democratic campaigns.

A Duran Duran Nightmare

I've seen Duran Duran in concert at least 7 times, each time more spectacular than the last. You may not like DD, but I dare you not to love their live shows. Sadly, I experienced a bad show last night in my dreams. Picture it: outdoors, warm weather, a private party so intimate one could be 5 feet from Simon, Nick, Roger, John, and unnamed guitarist who isn't officially part of the band. Finally, a moment 28 years in the making. Headline: Dish meets Duran Duran. I waited an hour, then another. Finally, Simon emerged with mysterious musicians--and he was a spiky-haired little bitch! Not only that but he lip-synched. I was so distraught, I covered my ears and ran out. What does this mean? Are the gods angry that I'm walking down the aisle to "Rio?"

Let's forget this bad dream, children. Onto better topics: I got a request not to blog about a red-haired comic who turns 50 today. And no, it's not me. She's the one who got the public pap smear (how's that for an image, JJ?) Even juicier than a birthday, David Cassidy was arrested for alleged DUI. According to TMZ, he failed two breathalizers but claims they are wrong and is fighting the charge. The mug shot is one of the best I've ever seen. I think I love you!

The Votes Are In

The election wasn't as bad as I thought it would be--and the world survived even though I didn't vote. The GOP painted last night's election as a victory against the Dems but it was a little like the emissions from TGcat after eating salami and cheese--narly, but we'll survive. I knew we'd lose the house. This country seems to hate Nancy Pelosi and she gets skewered. They photograph her in mid-sneeze, mid-breath, wincing, raising her hand accidentally in a heil hitler manner to wave to a friend. Did she deserve the same caricatures as, say, Palladino?

In other powerful women news: Cate Capshaw turns 57. She doesn't look a day over 40. Oprah Winfrey just scored some excellent interviews: Ricky Martin will spew about being gay long after the fact (wish he would just sing and shake his bon bon again!) and Marie Osmond will talk her son's suicide. Given all the suicides by young people, it's good timing. I don't care what kind of mess she might be, I love Marie!

Other dishy news: Patti Stanger's assistant Chelsea Autumn quit the Millionaire Matchmaker and is spilling about MM's awfulness. Never burn britches! I'd never bet against Patti in a Jello wrestling contest. She'd go straight for your "picker!"

Vote!

I'm ashamed: Not sure I'll even have time to vote as I'm being whipped and quartered while running all over town. I'm not lying or exaggerating (maybe about the running). Second day of Nanowrimo--up to 3,500K words--and looking forward to In Treatment and the delicious tension between fabulous Amy Ryan and Gabriel Byrne (TG is bored to tears by the show).

Still seeing too many pictures of celebs in their Halloween costumes. Only tidbit: Demi Lovato is in rehab for an eating disorder and cutting--allegedly. Dish is so lucky: I had an eating disorder for one day. I had 500 calories then went for a five-mile run, came home and felt dizzy. Made myself a triple-decker sandwich! Of course, I'm lucky in that when stressed, I stop eating, which accounts for being able to drop 10 pounds at a moment's notice. My heart is with Demi L. Young people need their teen idols to be strong!

Happy Birthday to Jennifer McCarthy...

...who has raised tons of awareness for autism. Bless this gorgeous blond for doing good and dating Jim Carrey (though they made a nice couple). I keep remembering her for other less significant things: like saying on television that she farted. Who--other than the fattie sidekick--does that? Long Live La Jenny!

It's rumored that Charlie Sheen continues to party his face off. Like we expect anything else? Dish is reminded of ExBF2, whose pallor was a distinct vampirish gray during a whole week of nonstop partying. So sad, so close to death. Dish's solution: leave Hollywood.

Back to Nanowrimo. 1677 words so far. Happy All Saints Day!