Happy St. Guinness Day!

This is the happiest news ever since it combines three things about which I have endless passion: Kathy Bates, Jessica Lange, and witches! Ryan Murphy is a genius with this excellent American Horror Story revelation for next season!

More of why Ryan Murphy is my favorite person except Glee kind of sucks now. He's filming The Normal Heart (Dish has seen numerous times, not a fave) in NYC, which means JULIA ROBERTS WILL BE ON THE PREMISES. TG refuses to go location scouting with me for Julia's whereabouts--and let's face it, I will probably remain on my fat ass working. But...if any readers have a hint of a clue of where she might be, please dish. I might need a pick-me-up from all this work. And bear in mind, I will keep a distance from The Queen because I'm a giant chicken-sh*t.

I've been worried about Tone Loc and his seizures for years. He keeps collapsing on stage, which breaks my heart. How can this genius ever be sick?

More The View drama--it seems Hasselbeck really might be gone. Baba is pissed the news got out before she could expel it in a tiny burp covered by her hand. Christie Brinkley is allegedly lobbying hard to get on the show. That might be fun if she lets loose--no fakery. For The View, you need one stable (as in will show up day after day) wackadoodle and at least three who are interesting but won't cause too much drama. Brooke Shields is the new Meredith!!!

Sandy Concert, Golden Globe Snubbing, I Love Boy Bands!

Golden Globs (I wrote that on purpose): Outrage #1, to snub Sons of Anarchy. Are you crazy, Hollywood Foreign Press? Outrage #2, American Horror Story also got the diss but at least my Jessica Lange got a nom. Outrage #3, that Ricky isn't hosting. I can let go everything else.

TG and I watched a little of last night's Sandy concert. Though weary of the Bon Jovi, Paul McCartney and Bruce telethon trifecta, I hope they raised gazillions. Then we watched Barbara Walters, whose eyes are growing ever closer together*. Hmmmm. She interviewed One Direction, and the group reminded me of early Duran Duran, though their songs sound like Katy Perry. Never mind, I love these little tykes, dear reader. I'm one of 297 million viewers of this video.

Screw you, Homeland, for killing off my favorite character aside from Claire Danes, who is the face of the goddess herself. A mark of a good show--you kill your angels. Didn't Hemingway say that?

Men in Black III (or is it IV) is terrible. Saving grace is that Josh Brolin does an excellent Tommy Lee Jones. Joshipoo is very underrated and one of the finest actors around. And who doesn't love Emma I almost wrote Heather Thompson? Another actress I could watch cutting her toenails and be enthralled.

*And she made a grammatical error.

Welcome to The Asylum!

I would totally let Jessica Lange cane me--which she does so splendidly as the evil nun in a mental institution circa 1964 on FX's American Horror Story. I'm so into the reusing of last season's characters as it's kinda reincarnationey. My one beef with Ryan Murphy is that he tends to push agendas till your head smarts. He chose a great setting for this--1964--when so many tired structures were slowly being dismantled. Though, I wonder where feminism is in this season--aside from the lesbians. He covers homosexuality, religious fascism, unorthodox "cures" in psychiatry, sexuality, racism, women mostly in their sexual roles as either whores, nuns or lesbians. His divine casting, though, makes up for this. There is a lot of love for great actresses on this show.

Two weddings happened today and they will both be on television! Ashley Hebert married JP and Mario Lopez married his baby-mama. Then in even better news, Hugh Hefner is marrying Crystal Harris, the babe who jilted him at the altar five days before last year. I felt so bad for Hef. Lucky for him, she probably ran out of money while trying to be independent and came crawling back. Or maybe it's love.