Happy Baby Taffy New Year!

This is only funny if you watched Kathy and Anderson bringing in the new year on CNN last night. As usual, she was bananas, which was the best way to end this f*cker of a year Dish is swearing a lot more. Her bombastic behavior melds nicely with my WASP brother Anderson's discomfort.

In gossip news, Hugh Hefner finally settled down with that runaway bride Crystal Harris. Sixty-year age difference. Hard to know what that's about.

We had a leisurely New Year's day. Went ice skating at Chelsea Piers. Dish is a good skater but was cautious to avoid falling, concussion, blood clot, hospitalization. Because I've been sleepless for a good week, my balance is off. It doesn't take much for me to bump into things. TG was fully welcome to injure himself and did some experimenting with backward skating. I didn't fall. At one point, he glided toward me slowly, grimacing and then suddenly fell on his ass--as often happens with ice. A good day overall.

A sweet movie: Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. Emily Blunt can do no wrong.

Almost forgot. Seeing Jersey Boys on Thursday. This will help me forget about Hillary's health.

Welcome to The Asylum!

I would totally let Jessica Lange cane me--which she does so splendidly as the evil nun in a mental institution circa 1964 on FX's American Horror Story. I'm so into the reusing of last season's characters as it's kinda reincarnationey. My one beef with Ryan Murphy is that he tends to push agendas till your head smarts. He chose a great setting for this--1964--when so many tired structures were slowly being dismantled. Though, I wonder where feminism is in this season--aside from the lesbians. He covers homosexuality, religious fascism, unorthodox "cures" in psychiatry, sexuality, racism, women mostly in their sexual roles as either whores, nuns or lesbians. His divine casting, though, makes up for this. There is a lot of love for great actresses on this show.

Two weddings happened today and they will both be on television! Ashley Hebert married JP and Mario Lopez married his baby-mama. Then in even better news, Hugh Hefner is marrying Crystal Harris, the babe who jilted him at the altar five days before last year. I felt so bad for Hef. Lucky for him, she probably ran out of money while trying to be independent and came crawling back. Or maybe it's love.

Seeing Stars?

Dish stumbled to feed the cat at 3:41am and hit the noggin' hard against the wall, which felt like the kitchen. The bruise on my forehead plagued me all day. Fear not, a little mugwort fixed that right up*.

So, after ditching Hugh Hefner at the altar last year, Crystal Harris moved back into the Playboy Mansion, resuming scrotal excavations. I can only think of their love in filthy terms, but then what is dirtier than love of money? Is this true love or I-couldn't-make-it-on-my-own-itis?

To erase all complex musings, I continued my Ally McBeal journey Take 2 and am now at the point (season 3) where Calista and Portia are scary, scary skinny. This didn't phase me in 2000 since I had the same upper body. THINGS CHANGE ONCE YOU TURN 40...and that's okay no it's not.

I won't mention anything about Scout Willis being arrested in NYC for underage drinking. This is one of the problems of being a starchild. Suri Cruise is SOOOO going to jail at some point. Though I hope not.

I'm a little nervous as we near the end of The Shield (two seasons left) but tonight we might get our television-crack, The Glee Project. I'm not into it, but TG is. He hates Glee, though. Go fig!

*bonus points if you know which movie this comes from.

Good Times

What sordid lives these people lead. Ex-Hef-fiansay told Howard Stern that sex with Hef lasted a few seconds. Ewww and can you BLAME HIM? He's a thousand years old and if I were surrounded by boobies all day, I'd grow tired and uninterested in flesh. Now people are defending Hef, testifying to his long-lasting libido. Ew.

More ew: A giant uproar about Katherine Heigl's being 20 minutes late to The Book of Mormon, disrupting viewers with these antics and then smoking an electric cigarette during the show. No manners. If I were rich, I'd still get to the show on time.

A special shout-out to John Amos, one of Dish's favorite actors. He's just so cuddly and magnetic on screen. At this moment, TG is immersed in an episode of Good Times, which, to Dish, is way better than The Munsters, his last obsession. I can tell how happy TG is by how often he wiggles his toes. Good Times = mega wiggle.

Pics of Rachel Weizs's wedding band have surfaced and she and I are kindred spirits. We have the same simple band.

Just when I was praising her business savvy, Kat Von D left two interviews and canceled the promotion for her new season of L.A. Ink, no doubt due to press over her recent breakup with Jesse James. This lady needs to have a serious talk with Shirley MacLaine, who performs even when she's yakking her brains out. Stiff upper lip. Do the job.