Welcome to The Asylum!

I would totally let Jessica Lange cane me--which she does so splendidly as the evil nun in a mental institution circa 1964 on FX's American Horror Story. I'm so into the reusing of last season's characters as it's kinda reincarnationey. My one beef with Ryan Murphy is that he tends to push agendas till your head smarts. He chose a great setting for this--1964--when so many tired structures were slowly being dismantled. Though, I wonder where feminism is in this season--aside from the lesbians. He covers homosexuality, religious fascism, unorthodox "cures" in psychiatry, sexuality, racism, women mostly in their sexual roles as either whores, nuns or lesbians. His divine casting, though, makes up for this. There is a lot of love for great actresses on this show.

Two weddings happened today and they will both be on television! Ashley Hebert married JP and Mario Lopez married his baby-mama. Then in even better news, Hugh Hefner is marrying Crystal Harris, the babe who jilted him at the altar five days before last year. I felt so bad for Hef. Lucky for him, she probably ran out of money while trying to be independent and came crawling back. Or maybe it's love.

Busted, Booked, and Back to Normal!

What is up with the ne'er-do-wells? Samantha Ronson arrested for DUI (Doesn't she look happy?). Redmond O'Neal arrested for heroin and pot possession. I should be arrested for the number of nail polishes I own and never use. I wonder what Lindsay Lohan thinks about all this...

The most important news yet is that 80s supermodel Linda Evangelista--known mostly to Dish for dating Kyle MacLaughlin who looks exactly like her--wants 46G a month in child support from Salma Hayek's Gingie Husband Babydaddy. What would I do with that kind of money? I'D GO SEE DURAN DURAN ON TOUR THIS FALL! Trying to decide if I should go to multiple dates: Philly, Atlantic City, D.C. and NYC. Have never done that. Voice of reason: I have other responsibilities. But is it every day that my heroes tour? And how could I deprive TG of the joy of seeing them live? Will Simon's voice last?

Oh yeah, and Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords (not Kathy Griffin, TG) cast her vote in the whole debt wall-to-wall glass houses ceiling bill. This, in fact, is the best feat of all. Bravo, Gabs!

The Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert (castoff dental student from The Bachelor) has waded through her issues and decided she wasn't too career focused and has chosen her man: http://abc.go.com/watch/the-bachelorette/SH5556990/VD55137383/week-10-part-1. See the episode because I sure won't. After The Bachelor heartbreak, I can invest in another couple.