Smash: Getting Under My Skin

I resisted the hype of Smash, even pooh-poohed the first few episodes and said, I've seen it before. Well, I have. And I haven't. Now I'm obsessed with the show, fully relishing the behind-the-scene antics of a musical. Maybe because Dish was in the chorus for Fiddler on the Roof way back in middle school? Or that Debra Messing is the only one over-40 who hasn't adopted the excess-filler-trout mouth. She looks so normal and beautiful, which is why I will continue to watch Smashed. Plus, the McPhee is hypnotic.

This helped me cope with the vile photos of Donald Trump's son triumphantly holding a tusk while standing next to a dead elephant. Now I *really* hate that family. Then again, as I kill a cockroach, I like watching the guts fly out. The shiny coat makes pretty earrings.

Heartwarming celebrity moment: The sight of Brandi Glanville and LeAnn Rimes on a blanket watching a soccer game together. It brought me to tears.

Why I Love Brandi Glanville

She drunkenly married her BFF over New Year's. Good for her even though they're probably getting annulled. Did they consummate the marriage before her head went down the toilet? That bitch knows how to party! I've always wanted to spontaneously get married then regret it the day after. My groom could have gotten drunk and I would have taken an Ambien, which makes me do crazy things like email inappropriate things to acquaintances from decades ago, eat butter/crackers and roast eggplant that's been sitting at the bottom of the fridge for days. Maybe when TG and I renew our vows, we can pretend to be strangers and then get smashed and remarried. I will carry his blood in a vial around my neck. Oh wait, he would worry someone might steal it. Never mind!

Happy Labor Day!

Lauren Bush married David Lauren, so now she can be Lauren Lauren. If I changed my first name to Duran and TG his last name to Duran, I could officially be Duran Duran. Let's make it happen!

I was starting to get the shakes over the lack of reports on whom Gerard Butler might be nailing. Hardly a day goes by when his beer-sweat washes up on female shores. But thank goodness, he might be banging 300-style canoodling with Eddie Cybrian-ex Brandi Glanville. Good for her! Gerard is always there to pick up the pieces of broken hearts everywhere.

Adele admits to puking a lot before a performance. Dish is waiting for a performer to admit to having it come out the other end. The closest was Sean Hayes saying that he had to poop before shooting episodes of Will & Grace. I guess nervous diarrhea is not as sexy/romantic/dramatic/Jersey Shore-kewl as nervous vomiting.

This might arouse TG's paternal ire but Snooki is hinting at getting married.