The Bucket List

You'll have to excuse me. I just got back from Iraq (sucks to be there!) and had to fire another opinionated employee who is polling to see who could be my VP of ass-wiping. To bury the monotony of this endless election, The Bucket List found its way into my DVD player. Not a bad concept, but the script smelled; Jack and Morgan focused on all the wrong things. Beware, this is a spoiler alert. So here were some items:

Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world. Jack pecks his twinkly granddaughter on the cheek, provoking an aww moment. I say, he should have found a hot transvestite, made out with her, then felt something harden on his leg.

Go skydiving. Please. The whole skydiving, daredevil thing was cliche after Point Break and Bush Sr. did it.

Laugh until you cry. Before his surgery, Morgan informs Jack that he's been drinking cat shit coffee. Harharhar. I say, watch a porn flick in fast-motion or light each other's farts. So much funnier.

Drive in some fancy car. And Jack and Morgan go drag-racing. Morgan gets a little impish when he slams into Jack's car. Who cares? More exciting: Drive a car really fast and jump out of it as it goes off a cliff. That's way more impressive and Steven Seagal does it in Fire Down Below.

Travel around the world. Nice product placement of beautiful places but we've seen it before. If you're going to die, why not take an LSD trip around the world? Or visit international whorehouses? Bring Mickey Rourke with you, though Jack probably knows where to go. That Morgan Freeman needs to loosen up.

Climb Mt. Everest. Oh, that's realistic when you can barely breathe.

I forget the others on the list. Here's one I'd add:

Try it just once. If I were going through such an intense experience with someone, I'd probably totally go Brokeback. Why not? It's not like anyone will see it, no blackmail pictures, and you know you've always wondered about it. Woulda been nice if just once, Jack and Morgan shared a steamy kiss.

All that said, I bawled like a baby at the end. Did appreciate Sean Hayes's performance and love it when he's not Jack (though I love Jack too).