Something New from the Farrelly Brothers

I adore innovation. So when I saw previews about a commitphobic forty-year-old male enduring all sorts of angst, I immediately put The Heartbreak Kid on my Netflix queue. And since There's Something About Mary, Shallow Hall, Stuck on You, I knew there would be many of the following:

Something gross involving genitalia.

Something gross involving the butt.

Something gross involving skin (Woogie!).

Crazy family dynamics.

A lot of poopy, caca, c*ck, p*ssy language.

Crazy sex.

A heroine with a heart of gold.

I was not disappointed! With Seinfeldian precision, an earnest Ben Stiller pinpoints all that's wrong with his girlfriends then marries a hot blond skitzoid after dating two months. And said skitzoid farts, embroiders, and burns out in the sun. Sure, she automatically spits out apple juice with her nose because she's done so much blow and that's kinda gross. But then Ben finds the suitably bland non-farting Monica Monaghan (who didn't fart or burn in Mi: III either and landed Tom Cruise!) on his honeymoon and they go through so much for their love. The best part, of course, the part that will have you rolling with abdominal pains, is crazy old Ben's father, who CRAZILY enough dates a Vegas broad with a G-cup sized breasts that float in a Jacuzzi, who talks about "crushing p*ssies."

All this in an hour and forty minutes. I don't know about you, but I totally want to get married now.