This Will Be a Short One

Everyone--including Dishbrother--is obsessed with knowing if Kim Kardashian's ass it real. I think it's real. It's a real fat ass. Fat ass. Like J.Lo's fat ass. Not sculpted and muscled, but fat. Dish also as a fat ass that hangs low and impossibly wide for a thin girl. Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. And if Kim's ass isn't real, well, I think she's really sad. She also has the melones and the botoxed face. Now...has she read her Tolstoy?

Jonathan Rhys Meyer allegedly tried to off himself with pills but his people say he was just hospitalized for falling off the wagon. Can you smell the downward spiral? Jonathan, you're fabulous. Stop being a joke.

Denise Richards adopted a newborn girl. There, something good.

Transformers Hype

Just in time to plug the new panned Transformers 3! Shia Lebeouf admitted to boinking Megan Fox. We gossip-obsessed ones find this exciting. But, it's icky, too. If he were a great actor, this would be no biggie. Well, it's no biggie, just gross...and obvious hype to get you to see his movie where you can imagine him burning up the sheets with Megan Fox.

Breakups! The Bachelor's Brad and Emily broke up and this seemed inevitable. He just seems like such a screwup, as in bad temper, not-so fab relationship patterns that one should outgrow by late thirties, and, well, getting fixed up twice on TV is weird. I wish them well. Then, if your day couldn't get any worse comes news that Tea Leoni and David Duchovny have separated again. I liked them as a couple, they had a good run. May they prosper and work on awesome projects.

If you heart Julia, you must read The Fug Girls's piece: http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2011/06/fug_girls_on_julia_roberts.html. Just plain awesome.

Star Sighting--Anderson Cooper!!!

12:17pm: I won't say where he was--since his fans, followers tend to vent rage at me--but I stepped into the subway car and Anderson Cooper was sitting in a seat, being filmed for something promo-ish (like "Anderson Cooper investigates the bowels of the city"). The other passengers were quiet and respectful and, of course, Dish pretended not to see him. Yes, I'm that shy and not wanting to directly invade celebrity-privacy (only passively through blog). How I wanted to snap a cellphone pic but I would never do that (especially since I don't know how to use my cellphone camera).

(AC, I was the redhead in the bright yellow dress!)

Carol Brady Got Crabs!

Florence Henderson admits to seeing those creatures crawling around her precious flower after sleeping with a NYC mayor (not recently). Talk about TMI! Now I have an image in my head that won't leave. And, damn you, Flo, for giving me such juicy dirt that I have to read the entire memoir. Who else did she boink? [aside: learned from Alison Arngrim that Half-Pint bedded Billy Idol, as revealed in her book]

Goddessless Charlie Sheen will be back on TV doing some version of what he did on 2 and 1/2 Men, though I'm not sure how relevant this is to our viewing needs. His day in the sun might be over and I'm grateful.

Michelle Bachman is running for president. I find her less bubbleheaded than Sarah Palin, but boy, I wouldn't vote for her. Wouldn't it be nice to have a more open-minded female prez candidate, someone who might walk in the gay pride parade?

Really, there is no news today. Most exciting was reading what Jennifer Aniston ate with Justin Theroux on her double-date with Jason Bateman and his wife: arugula salad, shared pasta with Justin, chicken paillard and sorbet. Even Dish doesn't eat that much. I would have just had the chicken and a tiramisu. Sorbet is bullsh*t.

Pride Brides!

Dish was home nursing a sinus infection so didn't get to see Pride but I imagine there were tons of wedding dresses, which must have been magnificent. Speaking of married, I'm overjoyed at the news that Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz had this super-sexy covert marriage. Imagine James Bond (Dish's favorite Bond ever--screw the one EVERYONE thinks is the best, I'm sticking with DC!) and that ballsy chick from The Constant Gardener, in which she was awesome, 2gether 4ever. I love it when attractive people officially seal their love.

Catching up on The C Word and it's metastisized in Dish. I really love it. I adore that Cynthia Nixon and Liam Neeson made cameos! Made me think of the connection between Linney and Liam--aha, Kinsey and Love Actually--and now fantasize that they are close friends who discuss acting together...Dish has her own Celebrity Farmville. Now there's an idea...

Holy Secret Marriage!

Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz get married in NYC!!!

Daily News vs. Post

Daily News got the right cover in that gay marriage is now legal in New York! Chelsea is the happiest place on Earth. What is the Post's cover? A woman saved from suicide with subtle mention of bill's passing at the bottom. Screw them!

Anistoux is in town and Dish is dying to catch a glimpse, but it's nice to give new couples breathing room. I wish he'd shave the beard. It is just hideous, though the Grizzly Adams look gets attention. Does he get egg whites stuck in it?

In sad news, the great Peter Falk died. I loved, loved, loved him in Murder by Death and The Cheap Detective. What an icon from Dish's youth, those freaky warm eyes, scratchy voice and dry humor. RIP, Columbo!

Someone needs to explain about these new allegations against Tobey "Squeaky" Maguire and the illegal poker games, hookers and blow? I'm confused.

NPH and David Burtka are getting married. I sort of feel as if they are THE couple of New York City and have been for a while. I once saw NPH in Park Slope but that was six years ago.

James Spader might be replacing Kathy Bates on The Office. This actor has grown on me and I'm sure will make The Office more palatable if Steve Carrell won't be there.

And now, back to my working weekend. Two projects to finish by Monday and then continuing a long sojourn in the flaming fires of Satan's lair, which has been extended through mid-July.

What Other News Is There?

New York State Senate passes the bill to legalize gay marriage!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all. Party on the streets! Dish wants to attend many, many, many weddings.

The Big C, Pedicure and Popcorn

All these help. Just started watching The Big C and am enjoying the trend of quirky over-40 women on Showtime (Nurse Jackie, Weeds, The Big C) hanging on by an entertaining thread. I probably like Nurse Jackie the best because she gets sh*t done while palming her pills.

Be prepared to roll your eyes. Lindsay Lohan tested positive for booze, violating her parole but the testing period had expired so no jail for her and she gets to continue her house arrest. This seems like more of the same "celebrity justice" but then LL just sabotages herself. She'll never have a serious career, which means there's balance in the universe. Other stars (Charlie Sheen) seem far more dangerous and have eluded jail.

But then, I'm so perfect. Dish is about to enter a fortnight of hell, consisting of leaving the hermit-cave. So, I stayed home and gave myself a pedicure, ate a lot of popcorn and answered a phone call from TG, which came from the other room (like Justin Bieber, he needed a nap and was too tired to leave the bed). Funny thing that when you're busy, other stuff hits the fan from several directions. All will be better by July 4th.

Many people have it worse, like Glen Campbell who has come forth with his diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease. Poor man and everyone else who suffers from this miserable disease.

I count my blessings right now. One blessing that could easily be granted would be for CNN anchor Don Lemon to fall head over heels for the irrepressible and gorgeous Langdon Bosarge of Langdon Nation.

Today's StarDirt

1. Justin Bieber loves to nap. This I learned from following him on Twitter.

2. When you have everything, is it harder to find love? Cy Waits and Paris Hilton split. Will this girl ever meet Mr. Right?

3. Stevie Nicks is touring, but seems to be avoiding NYC. Can Dish haul her cookies to Jones Beach or Saratoga Springs? Hello, Carmel car service, 666-6666? I hear you come when I call. Oooh, girl.

4. Ryan Dunn was twice the legal limit drunk when he crashed the car. Not cool.

5. Royal Fergie's airbrushed self was in People and I have given up on this woman. As a Gingie, I wanted to love her and did for a long time, but she's just screwed me too many times. I don't buy her wanting to transform, her mea culpa, her sessions with Dr. Phil and Suze Orman. Done, done and done. Don't know why Oprah is wasting her time giving her a show. It's like giving a million chances to someone who never learns.

6. Cameron Diaz is a fine physician: http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/06/watch-cameron-diaz-remove-jon-stewarts-stitches-on-the-daily-show/

I've Been a Bad Bad Dish...

I wandered out to my fave deli to get lunch and walked right out WITHOUT PAYING. No one ever suspects Dish of theft so when I returned to pay, NO ONE HAD NOTICED. That's almost as bad as the guilt I felt for not paying.

Put your ear closer so that I can whisper: In today's who-gives-a-sh*t, Ashley Cole who might have cheated on ex-wife Cheryl "Chezza" Cole (the one fired from X Factor in US) allegedly reunited with her. Never go back to an ex! There's a reason you break up and a BIG one if he's cheated. Courtney ALEXIS Stoddard--Doug Huchison's new 16 y.o. bride--has a music video. I wonder what she's trying to sell here? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOrD5kqyov0&feature=player_embedded#at=29.

Now saving the best for last: Dish's dear friend and a rising star in L.A. Langdon Bosarge of Langdon Nation (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4XAaOVwmTQ&feature=related) has fallen head of heels in love with hunkalicious CNN anchor Don Lemon (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkTw-nPVqSg). Actually, I can't think of a couple more suited for each other. Whaddya say, Fate? Can you put these two kids together, the way you did TG and Dish? It must be done!!!

Happy 51st Birthday to Duran Duran's John Taylor!

Ah, 51. Dish sees that age somewhere in the distance. Fond birthday greetings to my favorite bassist from my favorite band. Oh hell, my favorite idol from my teens, who's still got it!

And Happy birthday to Nicole Kidman who is 44 (holy $*$&#!).

What an Icky Day for Celebrity News!!!

You might need to don some black and then douse yourself in Purrell after reading.

First the black: Jackass star Ryan Dunn died in car crash this morning. TG hasn't stopped crying. It surprises me that more catastrophe doesn't happen with that show/movie. A sad celebrity demise and Dish secretly wonders, who's next? Summer is a rough time for the stars (esp. 2009). Antoine did pick the Death card for today, didn't he?

Lost/Green Mile actor Doug Hutchison (51), one of Dish's fave evil character actors, married 16-year-old aspiring country singer Courtney Alexis Stodden. Hmmm. I thought he was gay. At least she married into talent! Peter Fonda married for the third time, but not as big of age diff.

Mystery solved: Why Megan Fox was fired from The Transformers. After comparing Michael Bay (one of Dish's fave action directors) to Hitler, Steven Spielberg told him to fire her. I'm one of the few who likes Megan Fox as an actress, but this makes me want to cheer. Lessons learned: 1. Hyperbole is a poor substitute for erudition. 2. Don't mess with Spielberg. Maybe end on that happy note?

All About Death or Yay, MaryAnn's Is Open Again!

And thank goodness, since this is where TG proposed marriage to me. We are now dying from excessive burrito consumption. Won't think about the potential health violations that might have closed them down in the first place...

...instead, let's focus on how Dish got the sh*t scared out of her two nights ago. TG had gone to sleep, so I plopped in Fertile Ground starring The L Word's Leisha Hailey and hunkalicious Queer As Folk veteran Gale Harold (i.e. my imaginary boyfriend from 2005-2009). Nothing about this story is extraordinary. She goes back into the house, into the basement, doesn't run screaming from danger. And yet, it's still scary. Leisha is a fantastic actress, growing leaps and bounds since that Yoplait commercial. Our Gale shows his range--from Brian Kinney to supportive husband/crazy a-hole. A nice diversion if you like creepy indies with no hope at the end.

Speaking of no hope, a bright light has gone out in the music world. Clarence Clemons died of a massive stroke, deeply saddening. At least he didn't whizz away his talent: Amy Winehouse got booed for a horrific performance in Belgrade (it was *really* bad, as in Dish could have done a better job of singing). My precious Tone Loc was arrested allegedly for domestic violence. Now he's dead to me. The Killing finale is tonight. Death, death, death.

Quel somber posting...Back to reading Virginia Woolf.

I'm Sick of Chicken, But It's Easy

So last night, we saw Nellie Oleson's Alison Arngrim do her standup in a restaurant/theater off Broadway. She has a great gig--traveling around, being as bitchy as she wants, living the life of a cult obsession from thirty years ago. We enjoyed our blast from the past. The one truly obnoxious part of Arngrim's show was her audience. They were mostly awful, heckling constantly, finishing her sentences, screeching lines from Little House on the Prairie, and using adoration to mask bad manners. I love a raucous audience but this one blew. Some fun parts: calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck "Hasself*ck," her impression of Eartha Kitt and Carol Channing (inspired) and her clips from the show. As we left, she signed copies of her book. TG and I bypassed her, but I'll admit, I did look down her shirt.

Quick blast as TG is preparing dinner: Rosanna Arquette engaged, OMG, like congrats. Orange County Housewife Vicki's new BF has a record, like for DUI. Guh! And, Keanu Reeves has co-authored a book entitled Ode to Happiness. Dish almost bought it immediately until seeing the price-tag: 34$, allegedly about 40 pages long, 100 words or so. I kind of want it, if only to scold myself for wasting the$$$, ode to happiness indeed. Dish prefers the Russians as you can tell.

The Dishes Take On Nellie Oleson

TG and I are seeing Alison Arngrim's show tonight near Times Square. Maybe some of her "bitch" vibes will rub off on me. I have at least started curling my hair and scowling more. Loved AA's autobio. Everyone who needs a spine should read it. She gives good dish on her life on Little House.

These days, I feel as if everywhere I go, I'll see Lady Gaga or a Kardashian. All these young whippersnappers have taken over my People and my US Weekly. I don't need to see washboard abs. Please stop telling me who Miley Cyrus is effing. Yes, Aguilera has packed on the pounds (TG says, Don't diss my Christina!) and might be a diva on The Voice. Where are the Streeps? The Pacinos? Oh dear, it's finally happened. I am talking like an old person.

What I really care about: When will Simon Le Bon be ready to sing again? And...will Julia Roberts's movie Larry Crowne be as bad as it looks in the trailer? This won't stop me from seeing it often in the theater.

TG informed me that The Glee Project is excellent. Back to work for Dish--17 days until my independence from Hades.

Russell Muscles into Superman

Actually, Dish thinks Russell Crowe as Superman's father is brilliant casting. Way to add some heft into the flick! Though, I pray that Zack Snyder's rendition of an already tired franchise isn't too reminiscent of EVERY OTHER MOVIE HE'S DONE, like 300 (and indirectly, Sin City and The Spirit), Suckerpunch, and Watchmen.

Antithesis-to Superman: Weiner is likely to resign (i.e. Weiner Goes Limp).

One step closer to legalizing marriage in New York. The boys of Chelsea (bless them, every one) will be screaming in the streets. Cannot wait!

Lastly, doesn't this movie poster give you the giggles? Kelsey Grammer stars in BOSS, a new STARZ miniseries about a mayor of Chicago ruling his (dirty) empire. I might watch it for the comedy. Does he run off with a stewardess and ditch his wife of 11 years then decide he wants custody of his son but not his daughter? I know, I know, don't believe everything you read. But will Niles be in...BOSS?

Murder and Babies and Mugshots, Oh My!

The great news: Natalie Portman gave birth to a boy! I can see the little one in ballet tights already. Er, maybe not. Okay, not appropriate, but considering ballet runs in the family...

In freakiness, there was an alleged MURDER plot against Brit MJ-smoker/singer with awesome nose-ring Joss Stone! Can you imagine, doing dishes in your little house, or rather big huge country home, while two heathens are on the approach, intent to do you grieving harm?

The John Edwards mugshot has been revealed. Sick puppy! Can you imagine him in a cell with Gary Busey, who got kicked off a movie for behavioral problems? Why would anyone but Donald Trump hire him anyway? I need to take a shower now. Oh wait, and in the Immortal Penis Journals, the reigning champion behind Colin Farrell, Gerard Butler is now linked to Ashley Greene, now that he's done with Jessica Biel. I really need to shower in Purrell right this second.

In the last few days, I've pondered why I carry so much resentment toward Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Why can't I let it go? Yes, there's the money and luxury, but that's obvious. Then the light hit me hard: neither of them has a personality. They are bland, Stepford youth with some prettiness. Lacking is the fun spark beyond the flowing hair and bulging body parts. This is why education is essential. I released my rage and have replaced it with a Lulu Cake Boutique "snowball" much like the ones enjoyed by Barbra Streisand in The Mirror Has Two Faces.

Ps.

If you like the Tarot, go to http://tarotbyantoine.wordpress.com. Dishuponastar will remain exclusively devoted to the stars.

(no "I told you so" please!)

Is Hef Getting Married Or Not?

According to Huffpo, Hugh Hefner's fiancée Crystal moved out 5 days before the wedding. Does she get to keep the ring? What went wrong: Did he not support her aspirations? Was he just too sexay? I hope that she finds happiness outside of the jug-tastic Playboy mansion.

Fran Drescher has a new semi-autobiographical series, Happily Divorced, on TV Land, right after that series everyone but Dish loves called Hot in Cleveland. I love Fran in interviews, but could never get into The Nanny. I hope it does well.

Producer/Goddess Laura Ziskin passed away on Sunday from a long battle with breast cancer. She produced the Spider-Man franchise and Pretty Woman, among many of her hits.

The Killing: Dish guessed the murderer at the beginning. TG and I love this show!

A special thanks to Sean Bean who was stabbed while protecting a lady's honor. It's just good manners!

Tuesday Tarot

Strength (reversed): Repeat to yourself, I am not Gordon Gecko, and I shouldn't pretend to be. I don't use that much product in in my hair and am not that much of an a-hole to others.

Lesson: Do not use your power for evil today.

21 Days Left Until Dish Summer Begins

I'm knee-deep in crazy-busy-ness, but it all ends on July 4th when I will go dark for the next few months. Social stuff to a minimum, TV-film-celeb-watching to a maximum.

But we can still have fun, can't we? The Tonys reaffirmed my love for NPH. I wish I'd seen more shows. As a delightful recap, here's the opening number, which gave Dish chills: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S5caRGpK4.

So, Pippa is single, the second royal breakup since the wedding. Harry and Pippa single at the same time. Hmmmmm.

Dish watched Love and Other Drugs yesterday and my verdict is: not impressed. I liked that it tackled a serious physical illness in a relationship. Despite this, the movie had too many annoyances, like Anne Hathaway. I wanted to love her. Maybe it was the script or the voice. It smacked too much of the bitchy, don't-get-close-to-me, yet love me anyway wounded heroine in so many other films (Natalie Portman did it better in No Strings Attached, though she didn't have to deal with Parkinson's). Jake Gyllenhaal was good, I guess, and he penetrated her walls, repeatedly. There were many penis references, and Anne did deliver some full-throated orgasms. I will probably forget this movie in a week.

TG is watching The Aristocrats and laughing his ass off. Oh the profanity!

Monday Tarot--Identical to Sunday

The Chariot: WTF! I picked the same card twice after shuffling thoroughly. You know what this means? You have to accompany Simon Le Bon to ANOTHER appointment, maybe something less painful like a back wax. Remember: Whatever grouch-inducing thing you did on Sunday will carry over into Monday. It's all character-building! Plus, aren't you a little excited to hear a diva scream like a girl?

Sunday Tarot

The Chariot: Imagine you have to accompany Simon Le Bon to his MRI appointment. Diva Le Bon probably won't be in a good mood. In fact, he might be screaming hoarsely at you because Duran Duran has had to cancel so many shows due to his throat infection. And yet, you know that your presence is for the greater good. This is all character-building and you're helping Duranies world-wide by soothing the savage beast. Thus is the message of The Chariot. Take your medicine, as it will make you stronger.

The Tonys Are Tonight! Will You Be Watching?

And how much do you want to bet The Book of Mormon will win everything? My question: Since JJ is a theater expert as his JJhusband, what do they think of this play? Must watch just for NPH's wit.

If you want to die of laughter and mortification, watch this clip of Bill Maher and Dish's beloved Jane Lynch doing a dramatic reading of the Weiner sexting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HClsBFDLye4. Weiner is taking a leave of absence to get "treatment." Such lovely spin, as if suffering from illness, certainly not a euphemism for "starting to see a shrink because I'm a jackass in my personal life."

So Lily Allen got married and announced that she's pregnant. Super-cute.

For fun, see TMZ's last meals of inmates. Dish wonders, how could they eat? http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/last_meals#tab=most_recent&id=93413.

TG's Birthday But He Is One Those Who Doesn't Like This Day! Secretly, He Sort of Does.

So, Jennifer Love Hewitt not going to be on L&O:SVU. Am I the only one who doesn't hate her? She's cute. Not Meryl Streep, but even the adorable, doe-eyed brunette who once dated John Mayer has a place in this world.

Lily Allen has married. Mazel!

Elizabeth Edwards gets revenge from beyond the grave. Is it true she provided a tape to prosecutors before her demise. Love that!

Tracy Morgan's homophobic rant: Doesn't he have a history of reprehensible behavior? I wonder if this will kill his career the way it thoroughly killed Michael Richards's. Probably not. I find Morgan's comments awful, especially if he actually feels this way, but so many celebrities say stupid, awful things. If we didn't have freedom of speech, I could take all demands for an apology seriously. Perhaps, Dish is too passive, but such outrageous comments made by sick dummies, to me, don't merit a response. Of course, I probably will stop watching him in anything, as I have with Mel Gibson, who just isn't good anymore. What would Tracy Morgan do if Tina Fey weren't around?

Happy Birthday to TG!

My sweet angel is 45 today.

Saturday Tarot

Eight of Pentacles (Reversed): Step away from the computer. Your Powerpoint presentation won't get any better. Relax. It's Saturday. Put Titanic in your DVD player and see what "trouble" really is and I don't mean the bad acting/terrible script/gaping plot holes.

Making Marriage Work: Ice T and Coco

Certain Hollywood marriages inspire me. Tom and Rita. Julia and Danny. The non-union of Kurt and Goldie. But my all-time favorite marriage is that of Ice T and Coco. This woman has the roundest butt I've ever seen and I love her Twitter pics of her bethonged super-tan ass. We could all learn from her. As for Ice T, well, I've adored his music/acting since college. They were recently on The View, telling the world the elements of a lasting marriage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgVwyI2mm2g. Of course, they have a new show debuting this Sunday. Dish will so be watching, as long as it doesn't interfere with The Real L Word. Speaking of which, the premiere of this one showed actual vadge. Shocking but no big deal.

Jack White and his wife are throwing a divorce party. So glad the stars can be amicable when most splits are bitter. Now maybe Jack and Renee Zellweger can get make sweet love again. I've never let go of them as a couple.

So last night's Real Housewives of New York City. You know, I think these ladies are friends. No one is really having massive problems that can't be solved with a public discussion at lunch. The only one who can't seem to articulate herself is Alex. Then Kelly constantly interrupts her. Strange women overall, but beautiful during their hissies.

TGI-One Last Burst of Energy!

9 of Wands: You're exhausted and you should be. But remember, a whole day of work awaits you so chug some Red Bull or, Dish's preference, a Grande Half-Caff Redeye. You must get groceries, cook for your family, mop the floors, read to your kids, service your spouse, take a dump and throw a huge party. You have it in you to pick up some speed for that final lap, you gorgeous Olympians. That includes you, Mr. Le Bon and your health issues. We are all fantastic.

Shocker: George Clooney Is Single Again!

I immediately told the news to a sweet sexagenarian, who though happily married, pines over Mr. Salt and Pepper. I love his sense of humor and find his screen presence charming, but he doesn't do it for me. Wonder who will be his next GF--another leggy brunette? Maybe Snooki will have the honors. She just dumped her BF.

TV Shows I Wish Had Never Been Canceled: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (the best thing Matthew Perry did aside from Friends) and Swingtown (Lana Parrilla and Grant Show 4ever!!!). Miss them dearly.

You might have wondered why I haven't commented on the latest coming out of Justin Theroux and Jennifer Aniston as a couple. It seems fine, though I can't get over the beard. His looks have been sketchy since Zoolander.

Thursday Tarot: Fiddling Nero Anyone?

The Emperor (reversed): Either you have severe Daddy issues or you might come across an authority figure who's a complete jacka** today. Usually, effective leaders motivate and mentor their employees. Ineffective leaders castrate their male employees and dress them up as girls to parade around in their litters, then they play the fiddle as the city goes down in flames. Maybe that was Caligula and rumor has it Nero didn't even play the fiddle. Whatever the facts may be, you'll need to create that bubble of protection around yourself. You must be impervious to tyranny.

Genitalia of the Stars

Dish has seen so many celebrity's parts, some through art, some through tawdry internet/sex tape postings. Tommy Lee, Pamela Anderson, Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, Gwyneth Paltrow, Denise Richards, Colin Farrell, Sharon Stone, Eva Green, Viggo Mortensen, and now Anthony Weiner. Oh, and Huffpo is reporting that his wife is preggo. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/08/anthony-weiner-wife-pregnant_n_873429.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

Nic Cage's son Weston, who just got married, threw a mental hissy and was taken to hospital. Very sad. People are just falling apart...

...and entering the world anew. Longtime Dish-girl-crush Jennifer Connelly delivered a baby girl, Agnes Lark, via scheduled home water birth. Way to make a splash!

Our darling Duran Duran, it seems, has very specific requests for booze, according to The Smoking Gun. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/duran-duran/duran-duran-concert-rider-492781. I know for sure that I'd request cases of Sprite, ice, straws, cake, a makeup artist, a mounted 42 inch television in every room, and at least one personal assistant. I would probably need two.

Right now, TG is losing his sh*t over a misplaced iPod (which happens often). I might need to sedate him. For now, he is watching Frasier.

Wednesday Tarot

7 of Swords (Reversed): You might have strayed from the Yellow Brick Road. Go back and retrace your steps. No biggie.

Happy Birthday, Nick Rhodes!

Today Duran Duran's keyboardist turns 49 and Dishcommunity hopes he has the best of days! Watch this important address: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqNRvldMBDc&feature=player_embedded.

Extra, Extra!

Such crazy news of late! Do I have to relay the headlines? What's been dominating the airwaves??? Okay, I'll tell you: Josh Duhamel is returning to All My Children before it ends in September. I know, big news, huge. This is where Dish first recognized him as another average good-looking actor, then he made it big (as did Weiner--sorry! It just slipped out of my pants) in Vegas and married Fergie. Now it's unclear what he's doing beyond AMC and abusing airline personnel. SNAP!

So, can anyone tell me why the firing of Cheryl Cole is such big news? The tabloids are treating it like a natural disaster. No one was killed. A cute rich woman with dimples just got richer.

Just read my OK magazine which seems to fabricate some wild stories. Brad and Jen reuniting via phone after the death of her dog? He's trying to keep his secret phone calls from Angie (though we are privy to the info). And Jennifer Garner, pregnant again? All sounds like lies--not OK.

Tuesday Tarot

Ace of Wands: Doesn't everything seem phallic? Especially with all the Weiner references in the news. How much do you want to bet someone will write "Weiner Comes Clean" as a headline? I know, I know, his Twitterdongphotos have nothing to do with his abilities as a politician. He was creative in his lying, saying he was hacked (Did Dish call that one or what?). How does this relate to you? Well, the Ace of Wands says you will have a very creative opportunity today. You should take it. You never know...

Don't send sexy pics, though, since they have a nasty habit of resurfacing.

Star Sighting--Leeza Gibbons!!!

I won't say in which capacity I got to meet Leeza Gibbons, but let's just say we were shopping at Bergdorf's together (not true). After she called me "Peaches" (not my name but I will totally answer to it if that's what she deems appropriate), we engaged in easy small talk. The woman is quite gorgeous, friendly and gives great eye contact. Of course, Dish was sweating through two layers of clothing, tripping over words but managed to tell the story of marrying TG. LG just got married as well and we agreed those later-in-life unions are awesome. Her husband was a sweetheart. Did not ask her about her passion for scrapbooking or suggest a "crafts" day. If it were Julia, you know we'd be in a knitting store yesterday.

If you watched the MTV Movie Awards, you heard a classless array of bad Arnold jokes, overall celebration of blaah, but MTV does focus on youth, which the other award shows practically overlook. Reese Witherspoon gave an empowering speech about how you don't have to release a sex tape or have a reality show to be great.

Just as Justin Timberlake is photographed with everyone, pics have surfaced of Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel on a motorcycle together. A new low.

Monday Tarot

9 of Cups: Get your heads out of the Cutty Sark, lushes. Not 9 cups worth of 10% proof regret, but 9 Cups of wishes! Yes, today you will get something you want. I want a massive Snickers bar so I'm assuming one will just appear during the day. I'll settle for M&Ms.

Forecast: Cloudy with Chance of Sunshine

My fear of flying makes no sense. I've flown a few times a year since the womb. I love looking out the window, takeoff and landing but loathe every single bump along the way. Flying became a fear when Pan Am blew up over Lockerbee, only 20 years ago. This morning, at 8am, my plane was eerily empty with a mean flight attendant who made me put my carryon in the overhead even though my row was empty. Why do I keep flying? I wondered before resigning myself to two hours of terror. Then, a few minutes before pulling out of the gate, a couple dozen 8-year-old Indian children raucously boarded the plane, swarming around me. They were like my guardian angels.

Now that I'm home, I've caught up on the stars: Piers Morgan and his wife are preggo; X Men beat Hangover II, which shows just how crappy the latter is. Still wondering when the mystery of January Jones's babydaddy will be cleared up. Paris Hilton got skewered on The View for her scoffing at doing community service, then got mad that smarter people had the audacity to cross her. That girl's peaked already, so unless she does something new and amazing (like become articulate, get a degree of some kind), the low ratings of her show will continue. If my gramma were alive she'd kick Paris's bony butt. Whenever I spent too long in a lethargic stupor from hours of television, Gramma S.'s shoe would hit my backside until I got a bucket and started pulling weeds in the garden. I'm still a lazy sh*t.

Is it true that Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson have split? Cameron Diaz and A-Rod, too. Lastly, Olivia Wilde seems to be making up for years of not being able to sew her wild oats--linked to Bradley Cooper, Justin Timberlake and someone else, but keep forgetting. Well, good for her! (wear a condom)

Sunday Tarot

The World (Reversed): Delays, delays, delays. Would Joan Collins ever wait? Well, today she'd have to. Just make sure as you're waiting in line that you look amazing. Wipe that pinched expression off your face. You will get what you want eventually.

News Coming to You From Orlando...But Written from New York!

Dish loves scheduled posts! This news came in Friday, but I wanted to keep the focus on my anniversary of engagement. So Pink and her husband welcomed a baby girl on Thursday named...um...Willow Sage. I'd expect nothing less. It's official that if TG and I are ever blessed with child, the name will be: Cool Ranch Dorito!

Speaking of rugrats, those fightin' Grammers are at it again with a custody battle. Good grief. The gall to run off with a stewardess, leaving the over-40 wife, then demand the children. Not even a meal at Le Cigale Volant could cure this heartburn.

RIP to Jack Kevorkian, whose work I kind of supported.

Saturday Tarot

Ace of Pentacles (Reversed): Crapbaskets! Something didn't go as planned. Oh well--have a cocktail!

Happy One Year Since TG Popped the Question!!!

I saw him put the box in his pocket before we went out for margaritas at MaryAnn's. Note to Dishreaders: I don't drink really (except scotch) so the jig was up early on. I was wearing a black shirt and khaki skirt (with spanx), uncomfortable shoes. It was a Thursday and very hot. I knew what was about to happen but felt very calm. The Moment I'd never expected.

Thanks, TG, for making life so wonderful!

Is It Friday Yet Tarot

Judgment: Dish loves this card. It's a coming to terms with what you've done and moving on to new opportunities, like a figurative loofa on your soul. If you've been a good girl, you get treats. If you've been bad, you--well--in this world of no repercussions, you might still get treats. But Karma will balance things.

What skin are you ready to shed? Well, if you look at this card closely, you see naked people, which is always a good way to start a new chapter.

Schindler's List Is Going to Give Me Nightmares!

Why did I agree to watch this un-happy-happy-happy movie? Well, I sort of like parts of it and it breaks my heart, really too much to bear and puts my little worries into perspective. Adore Ben Kingsley and Liam Neeson. And, Dishbrother, you have to admit, Ralph Fiennes acts his butt off. He is a little sweaty, though. Can see why you're repulsed, but here it works.

In happy, happy news, Jane lynch is hosting the Emmys and this is one night where TG will just have to deal with my girl crush. It will be three hours of ecstasy for Dish.

Three fast ones: John Edwards's mistress allegedly dumped him (the drama is over so why stay?), Mitt Romney running for Prez, which makes me sad since he seems earnest but too dull as a candidate to win (but I'm sure is nice), and more nude Blake Lively photos leaked.

The eternal excuse these days is: I've been hacked!!!

Thursday Tarot

8 of Pentacles (Reversed): Why you infuriating, nitpicky workaholic! Who do you think you are, Vicki from Real Housewives of Orange County? The icing doesn't have to be just so--Dish will still be the first to swipe it from the kitchen. No need to work 12 hours a day. Enjoy your waning years as this is all Buddha gave you. My advice for today: Take a big laxative to get the pole out. Dish says this with love.

Star Sighting--Marisa Tomei!!!

Dish's friend "Trish" was at the Eugene O'Neill theater at 1:53 pm, prostituting herself for tickets to The Book of Mormon when in walks Marisa Tomei with a bevy of girlfriends. Cue secret cellphone pics from onlookers. Trish wanted to get a photo, but TrishBF forbade her (always wise). The report: Marisa was giggly, having fun with her friends, dressed down in T-shirt and shorts, hair in ponytail. Love Marisa!

I don't know how many of you are following Weinergate but Dish has been watching him like a hawk since an article about his maybe helping Russian models into the country somehow. No memory of details and this Twitter dick photo looks false, but something still stinks in the Netherlands. Kind of always liked him as a politician.

Speaking of false pics, the nude Blake Lively photos were fake and even Dish found them a little suspect. Oh wait, no, I did not see them. Not at all. Very sad to have anyone taint this precious bombshell's budding love with Leonardo DiCaprio. He is King of the World, ya know.

Keep praying hard for Simon Le Bon's precious vocal chords. He expresses his bitterness (speaking softly) in his blog post: http://www.duranduran.com/wordpress/2011/a-blog-from-simon-12/. Be well, precious Simon John Charles, because if you ain't better enough for NYC this year, heads will roll!

Donald Trump and Sarah Palin. Yeah, two powerhouses meeting for a well-publicized meal. I wish I could be a fly on the wall just to hear the ridiculousness. I'm sure it was taped.

Former female wrestler Chyna has a new sex tape. How the mighty have fallen. And I thought The Surreal Life was the last hurrah. She does seem to have had some good face work done.

More insight into Dish: Here is my gorgeous, talented cousin (in white), Paul Mercurio, playing with Bob Schneider. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLmrJVEIF7E.

Kim Kardashian wants to change her last name when she marries? Go for it. There are many reasons to change the name. Heroine transformation is fun. Maybe you aren't attached to your maiden name, as Dish wasn't. Sometimes the new last name sounds more interesting. Frankly, I like Kim's maiden name better than her soon-to-be married name but I embrace her switch. Dish was delighted to shed her last name. It's like it never existed.

Some shame: Dish just watched Bradley Cooper give an interview in French...and he speaks better French than I do. MUST BRUSH UP IMMEDIATELY. No time to blog. Off to read Rousseau!!!

Wednesday's What Have I Done Tarot

5 of Pentacles: You just spent $5K on a very ugly handbag. Now, you're destitute and having lower back pain from carrying a heavy load. You're out on the street acting like a proud diva, pretending nothing's wrong. Suddenly, Lady Gaga appears. She's just been named #1 richest celebrity in Forbes, and she wants to give you a warm, soothing heating pad for your back, along with a new savings account. What do you do? You shriek at her like a bitter harpy.

You may feel like you're in dire straits or carrying the world on your shoulders, but the lesson of today is: If you see Lady Gaga on the road, let her take you to lunch.