Un Petit Petit News

LeAnn Rimes checked into some kind of treatment center over possible anxiety issues. Oh, LeAnn, can I come too??? I have anxiety. My stomach hurts and I can't sleep. Plus, I can't sing. Let us all pray that LeAnn comes out of this singing and laying off the bikinis.

Giuliana and Bill Rancic have a baby boy: Edward Duke. Finally, a not-strange celebrity name. This baby might turn out okay.

There's this painful rumor going around that Jennie Garth and Luke Perry are dating. My whole body started shaking with pleasure when I read this. Do you remember when they had this TORRID affair on 90210 and he cheated on Brenda while she was in England? Then Brenda came home all skinny and mean. I even remember the cheating song: Damn, I wish I was your lover. Please, please let this be true. BRANDON AND KELLY FOREVER!!!!

I Confess: I Love Tom Cruise Movies!!!

He may be rabid for Scientology, gay or not gay, weird, "a nasty little man"*, so powerful as to remove a Katie Holmes sex scene from Thank You for Smoking, intense, and giver of the strangest and/or corniest interviews ever, but I LOVE HIM. There, I said it. I love Tom Cruise. I love his movies--all of them. They make me feel good. He can't always act. Sometimes he's brilliant. I dunno. I JUST LOVE HIM for the awesome over-40 action star that he is. Today, Dish lost herself in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and, god, he revealed fierce athleticism as he outran a FREAKING SANDSTORM in Dubai. He's not scared of the world's tallest building or wrinkles or getting food poisoning from a random strawberry at a party in Mumbai. He's TOM! Thanks, TC, for delivering escapism once again. So much better than booze and drugs...not that these are my escapes of choice and he'd be against that. Taking my vitamins as we speak, TC! Cleansing!!!

Feels good to get that out.

More goodness: Giuliana and Bill are expecting baby via surrogate. Finally, a nice happy development for these two.

A special shout-out to a special Homegirl, who's been to hell and back. Time to party like it's 1999.

*A friend of a friend said this about dealing with him, but Judge Judy would dismiss this as hearsay, ergo bullcrap.

Dish Finally Has Ugly Feet

It's from all the running I've done of late. J.J. once saw a famous dancer's feet in the subway and he said they looked like penises sticking out of her shoes. Wear and tear. But who wants to talk about this?

Madonna is to perform at the Superbowl halftime show. They just keep bringing out the classics. At least we know she'll put on a good show. She demands nothing less than 110%. It would be very sexy if she came out in a football uniform then stripped down to a bikini in winter. This is the Madonna way.

E-hostess Giuliana Rancic announced that early treatments for her breast cancer were not so successful and she is undergoing a double mastectomy. This kind of in-the-thick-of-it revelation strikes me as brave and especially validating for those undergoing similar treatment. I'd be shivering under the covers. Best wishes that this surgery works. Giuliana needs a better year in 2012, STAT.

Dish's doppleganger Shaun White was caught bare-assed in racy photos. Do not pose nude if you're a celebrity. And especially not if you're a red-head and a celebrity. The jokes last forever.

Rosie O'Donnell is engaged but Karina Smirnoff is no longer. RHoBH Kim Richards has entered rehab. For what, Dish asks? I thought she was just a drunk, but on a recent episode she revealed she was a pill-popper. All those meds seemed valid to me. Trazodone, Lexipro and Topamax = depression, anxiety, seizure, those are the essentials. If sobriety means her no longer jerking and slurring and wearing those neck-hiding blouses with the 80s tie, I'm against it!