Rumors Not by Fleetwood Mac
by Warren Piece
7/6/06

There was a recent rumor running rampant that Matt and Ben are getting back together to work on a new version of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Those who know Mr. Piece know he is serious about Mr. Damon. Mr. Piece has been waiting to welcome Matt for many a year now. So marriage can't keep these boys apart, it seems.

You know, when you have a really good friend you can share just everything with them from the time you enter puberty to the time you win an Oscar for "writing" a film, and, well, it's just a really special thing. And then girls enter the picture, with their big, puffy boobies and their hoo hoos all wet and teasing. It can do strange things to you. Like make you buy expensive jewelry for the girl (and you don't get the jewelry back when the girl drops you for some hot Latin singer with lizard-like skin). Sometimes, you even get an email address from your waitress and you write her long, gushy notes about what it's like to be missing your best bud while you toil away at building your career and she seems all understanding and stuff, writing you back things like "yeah, I know," and "gee, that really sucks."

I tell ya, when best buddies lose each other on life's little turnpike, they will always miss each other. And they'll always yearn for what they know they really need. So it would have been good to see them working together again. All I want is for Matt to be happy, after all. But alas, I understand it isn't true. Matt and Ben will not be Butch and Sundance. Which is a shame, 'cause they would have looked really butch at Sundance promoting the darn thing.

But I now understand there's a new rumor that says Matt and Ben will be together again after all! Is Ben going to be in The Bourne Ultimatum? Will Matt be in Gone, Baby, Gone? Why can't all the information come out all at once instead of a little bit at a time? Or is it all just a nasty rumor...?