Star Sighting--Academy Award Nominee Joan Allen!!!

Dishbrother writes at 3:11 pm: Right now--Joan Allen @ Five Napkin Burger, Bway & 84th, sitting outside, hair lovely strawberry blonde. Easy breezy.

Dish immediately replies: Is she still a skinny bitch?

DB: Yep. But she looks good.

I hate HER! Joan is a triple threat--so talented you forget she's an actress, pretty and skinny!!! Plus, now she's at an age where she can have sexy geezer sex. Remember UpYourButt with Anger with Kevin Costner? That one blew, but you get the idea of what's possible for Miss Sexy Joan. Oh Joan, using your lovely locks as a scarf to hide your magnificence--out in the wide open air.

In other news, Dish had a heinous panic attack, couldn't get on subway without almost hurling so walked home. Hate having anxiety, though it might have been tainted turkey. Salad bar--never again.

"Great Role Models for Other Married Couples"

Just when you thought it was safe to scour the internets for wholesome news items, this awesomeness hits you like a sharknado and you Can't Turn Away. I confess, Doug is fantastic actor and I sort of like Courtney Stodden. She's a rude interruptor with gigantic fun bags, but in twenty years, she might rule the world and we won't know how it happened. I suspect her IQ is freakishly high. For now, though, she's a guppy with 0 impulse control.

In Scientology, I scanned a list of celebrity devotees and found...Jeffrey Tambor, acting genius of Arrested Development. REALLY? I'm fascinated.

Today's divorce news: Natasha Henstridge--my very first girl crush--is splitting with her man. Could my ultimate star-fantasy come true, that she and her co-star from The Secret Circle Gale Harold did more than kiss on-screen (I didn't see it but can only assume)? Please say yes. Otherwise, I'll have to watch her with Michael Vartan in little known screen masterpiece It Had to Be You.

Spike Lee released his must watch movies--all men, mostly predictable.

The Bachelorette: Forgive me, feminists, but Brooks is a gigantic pu**y. He's just not that into you, Des.

A Celeb-aholic's Despair

You may have noticed my absence, though if I read the analytics, maybe not so much. I'll tell you the truth about my silence. I've made a discovery so perverse, so unimaginable that I've sunken into a hole of Grey's Anatomy (Next post will explain why the writing is technically awful), of scripted television where the characters are nice, fun, interesting and not total idiots.

Dish has realized: Celebrities are a-holes to be avoided at all times.

I don't know how journalists, tabloids, groupies or paps devote their time to them. They're idiots. They waste themselves, market their personas to sell products, don't care about others. Most of them can't put two words together and are so desperate to be photographed, they'll pretend to hate it, get publicly drunk or parade around in a new bikini on "vacation." Then they go onto Twitter and spout nothing special.

I've raised them to a higher standard for so long. Now I just think they're silly. Could this be the summer blues? I can't bear to read TMZ because it's the same people and who-cares kinds of stories. Sure, I'll search for blind items and when I hear that Bethenney's a total nightmare to work with, I cackle still. But my eyes can't take any more of the Kimye, the housewives, who only do the following:

1. Meet, talk about their new product lines.
2. Get into fights.
3. Meet in public place for lunch to discuss the fight.
4. Fight again.
5. Arrange awkward gettogether where more fighting can happen.

Even Duchess Kate giving birth did nothing for me. The Bachelorette is about to choose a crybaby for her true love. Ray Donovan and The Killing have become lame. Everyone is a hustler. It's not fun anymore.

Because I've devoted 45 years to celebrities, I'm waiting for a moment of redemption. Maybe Snooki will go to law school. Or Weiner and Spitzer will give up their campaigns and frolic in a tub of oil with their socks on and it will be filmed. Or maybe, a star will be caught reading Crime and Punishment. These would bring me hope.

Quick Posting

The Canadians deliver fast cause of death for Cory Monteith who died of heroin and alcohol. So incredibly awful, but love the Canadian swiftness.

Adam Levine got engaged. I give it two months. I hear he's a douche, but makes hunkilicious sexy eyes in his videos.

Emma Roberts goes bam bam on Evan Peters and is arrested of Domestic Violence. Not Pretty, Woman.

Check out the filming in Nyack!!!

Happy 45 to Me!

Because it's all about butts, this is for your consideration.

Still mourning the loss of Cory Monteith but managed to enjoy the day with work, mani/pedi with DM, a tart from Pain Quotidien and now some Anderson Cooper and Dexter with TG.

Goodbye, Sweet Finn

If I weren't girl crushing on Jane Lynch and Darren Criss, I'd carry my teenage torch for Cory Monteith's Finn and I'm crippled by the grief over his sudden death yesterday. He seemed like such a nice guy, a good guy, who humbly appreciated his good fortune. It's just such a bummer that he had substance issues, though we don't know the cause of death yet.

My favorite Cory moment is when he and Lea sing "Open Your Heart" during the Madonna episode.

So sad, too, that Jane Lynch must deal with such a shitty birthday today: newly filed for divorce, finished her run with Annie and Cory's death. No glee today.

Happy Birthday to My Father-in-Law!

TG Senior is a smokin' 87 today. After this, what else is there? I had the pleasure of speaking with him today and he called me "dear" which warms my cockles.

Aside from this, all I'm doing is working and having a Grey's Anatomy binge.

Happy Birthday, Lisa Rinna!

Our darling Lisa (aka Ass Lips, but we say this with love) is now 50. She is our lighthouse in a storm, the go-to girl when the chips are down, our favorite person to see on the red carpet because she's so damn perky all the time. Seriously, she never pouts or puts on a diva attitude. Staying power in life. If you can be in Hollywood for that long and not lose your mind, you're an inspiration! Don't hate me--I enjoy her.

So, I find myself alone in the house for the next couple of days. Secretly, I relished the idea of alone-Dish time but the minute he left, I felt this agonizing loss. Like, what would I do if he left permanently? I lived alone for a very long time. It's been three years that I've lived with TG. That short a time can erase all my years of being independent?

I cope by watching hours and hours of Grey's Anatomy, my latest discovery 8 years after the fact. So I have nine seasons of catching up to do. I'm on Season Two. McDreamy? I get it and, no doubt about it, he's playing TG in the movie version. It's possible we could do Enchanted casting but Amy Adams might be too energetic as Dish. We need someone sullen/happy/sluggish/busy-seeming (i.e. insane).

Casting change for Broadway's Jersey Boys--totally expected since Frankie Valli's part is a rough singing job for any one person. Dish will investigate thoroughly and report back. $$$ will be spent. TG will roll his eyes.

Leah Remini quit Scientology. The walls are coming down. But it was a good ride for as long as it lasted. Maybe I'll get rich inventing a religion. Oh wait, if you scroll down to 2006, you might see the seeds of Damonetics, i.e. The Religion that follows the teachings of Matt Damon. It's a thought.

The World Still Ablaze with Shock over Clooney Breakup!

Stacy and George supposedly didn't knock boots for months before he broke up with her on the phone. After their 30-second breakup ("I'm sorry, but I need to be gorgeous by myself"), Stacy threw the phone across the room and immediately phoned Gerard Butler, king of the rebound hos, but he was busy waiting for the magic unicorn that is Jennifer Aniston who is no doubt on the verge of a breakup with Justin (via text). Rumors abound that Clooney is already cozying up to a new mysterious lady named Derek.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck has left The View and will soon appear on Fox. Ya know, I'm happy for her. She stuck in there on a difficult show where her view was in the minority. She belongs at Fox.

There is a Khloe and Lamar cheating scandal that seems rather bogus. Though, I stand by this credo: never date an athlete.

George Clooney Is Single Again--And The Planet Explodes with Joy

Though, having tracked the love lives of most celebs, I know that patterns rarely change. He will find another lovely somewhat unknown lady and date her for a couple years before moving on. This process is as old as time, like the one where I reach for three Altoids when I'm nervous and can't find an exit, like when I follow TG into the kitchen because I want to irritate him. Dish only likes George's work, not his buns. It's a taste thing. Lots of friends lust after George. Don't you think he's getting skeevy with the beard? I'm sorry, that's a loaded question. What I love about George is his sense of humor and how he made Julia laugh so much during filming of Ocean's 11.

Speaking of skeevy, will NYC forgive the wonder-lust twins Weiner and Spitzer as they both seek political office, mayor and comptroller disrespectfully? If I can bear voting, it will be for anyone else. My cynical heart thinks they both might win.

This Dude Is Never Happy

I'm always trying to find programs both TG and I would like. By chance, we stumbled onto Ray Donovan after Dexter. It has full-blown testosterone for TG. For me, there is, well, I like the same thing. Gore galore. The only drawback: those Boston accents that come and go. Also, does Liev ever seem jolly in a movie/show? The answer is no. He does that solemn thing so well. My favorite part is the return of Shane (Katherine Moennig) from The L Word. Use her well and often.

I noticed in the last year that I've stopped scouring Perez Hilton's site. It used to be my Go-To, but lately he's been doing these video-logs of latest gossip and it's not entertaining. He's just so whiny and "guess what" and "this is SOOOO not right." It's mostly stuff we sort of already know (that Justin and Jennifer might be on the rocks or doing fertility dances bi-coastally). Some people should just stick to writing. My opinion.

And now I have a terrible confession to make. Since I finished with Army Wives, I've suffered abandonment issues. I don't know what to watch and I feel as if my good friends have left. So I did the unthinkable, something I thought I'd NEVER do because it seems like the stupidest show ever. I started watching Grey's Anatomy from the very beginning. Did you know that Renee Zellweger and Meredith Grey have the same voice? And that voiceover thing is so not overdone at all. Some of the acting is terrible, I see multiple counts of anorexia, highly unmedical practices and unnecessary speechifying everywhere, but does that stop me?

Some People Can't Stay Apart

So Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber felt those fireworks over the holiday and so did John Mayer and Katy Perry (grrrrr). I think one of these couples will procreate, just because they photograph well (as long as his face isn't visible).

An amusing piece in the Post: the late Night Stalker Richard Ramirez allegedly admitted to his fondness for Ted Levine's psycho in Silence of the Lambs. Levine responded to this, "F*ck him. I hope he's in hell." It reminds me of Nancy Pelosi's response to Michele Bachmann's outrage over Dead Doma: "Who cares?"

TG and I are at the point in Six Feet Under where Lisa disappears. This part gave me nightmares.

Happy Fourth of July!

Because the stars are off celebrating (no one is being nuts), I will take this space to wish you the best of holidays and I hope you have the rest of the week off. TG and I just got a new couch. The novelty of new furniture is pretty amazing. It's lethah. (I think)

Aniston Got Sick on a Big Mac!

So our dear Jennifer admitted to eating junk food (essential JF, tho) and it didn't agree with her. Sorry, people, but while you're celebrating the Fourth, I'll be imagining Jennifer having the sh*ts. It's just where my brain goes. It's okay, Jen, the same thing happens to be when I even look at, much less eat, gazpacho. How I love McDonald's vanilla shakes instead--and the Aniston.

Just caught up with Scientology and discovered that Tommy Davis is no longer its ardent spokesperson. Would love to have been a Xenu fly on the wall when that went down. Maybe not. They scare and fascinate me.

Scandal's Kerry Washington, it seems, secretly got married which out those nasty rumors of a flirtation with Tony Goldwyn to rest. Dish never believed that in the first place.

I Skipped Meditation Class

Because I needed the healing zen of Real Housewives of Orange County and berry rhubarb pie. I'm astounded by how Alexis is back to being the good one and now Gretchen is the evil, selfish liar. in this whole thing, too, Heather is the queen, not Vicki. I'm waiting for some serious yelling.

Sad, Happy, Cool, Excellent and Annoying!

Dishtears tonight for Pierce Brosnan and his family as he loses his daughter Charlotte to ovarian cancer. This is also the disease that took his wife and her mother. Blah! I feel so bad.

I'd been waiting months for Jessica Simpson to give birth. She's been pregnant for too long, and at last, she will endeavor to be skinny again. Oh wait... Anyway, her precious son's name is Ace Knute. Not so bad.

In boinking news, Superman and The Tudors' Henry Cavill is allegedly "Big Banging" Kaley Cuoco. I can totally see this.

If you watched Dexter last night, you must have noticed a whole new level of sophistication, not only with the carved head, but with the appearance of Charlotte Rampling. She ups any show/film's game. Not only is she impossibly sexy in that Helen Mirren way, she's creepy. I can't wait to see the next ep and I've been bored with Dexter since John Lithgow left.

Lastly, my cholesterol is 206 200, which irks me. 173 last year. No more butter for me. Okay, no more French fries and burgers either. At least no diabooties. The doc had the nerve to suggest I eat whole grains, olive oil, fresh veggies (like I'm an imbecile) and cut back on red meat...and do more cardio, too. More cardio, really? Has he met me? This sucks! But also, counting my blessings. I am healthy just insane.