The Emmys

Verdict: Zzzzzzzzzz but way better than the Oscars (not Jon Stewart's fault).

Since I was a child, I've watched every possible award show. Lately, I've grown bored of them and wonder if it's celebrity fatigue or if these shows are really bad. This year's prime time Emmys were fine, but gone are the days when someone falls on his face, does silly dance numbers choreographed by Debbie Allen, fumbles, drinks too much and shows it, gropes a breast or ignores the teleprompter. The speeches are the same, starting with an Oh my god, I worked with such great people, my parents, blah, blah, blah...The most notable ones this year were made my non-actors.

Conan O'Brien (and Jon Stewart, for that matter) did a fine job, though had to deal with an Ambien-friendly medium and a politically correct audience. So, just to stir things up, I was thinking, I should get an award and it should be televised. I do a mean walk from my couch to my computer. No one can beat the frightening alacrity with which I attack a Sudoku puzzle. I remember birthdays and can still do a cartwheel. Not to mention, I've eaten more Altoids than anyone on the planet. Surely, these feats are worth an award.

Why do I keep watching these people get golden statuettes, when the entertainment value keeps going down? Why am I contributing to the disease of Acquired Situational Narcissism? And why can't the cast of Grey's Anatomy give me an award? Celebrities might be used to the praise they get, so maybe our little lives will culminate in one of those big Mr. Holland's Opus endings. That movie did make me cry at the end...Okay, and so did the reunion of Charlie's Angels.

In any case, one must wait for the Golden Globes, since the stars can really get trashed at their tables. Jim Carrey has to re-emerge and make his butt talk.