Is That Romney Gaffe as Bad as It Sounds?

Dish is a little tired of biased reporting but the news on Huffpo is that Romney dissed 47% of Americans, said if he were Hispanic he'd win, among other strange weirdness. CNN and Fox News haven't latched onto this mouth-diarrhea. I have high hopes for Jon Stewart and Colbert.

Otherwise I'm so intensely bored by the lack of star excitement (Kourtney Kardashian pulled her daughter out of her own vajajay) that I went to straight to reading Patti LuPone's autobiography. It's a little zzzzz at first but I got hooked right in at around 50 pages. Now I can't wait to finish. She is incredible in every way! All other life is on hold. I've heard she's a total bitch but you know what? She works like a dog and lights up a stage/screen. Totally in love with her, Dishbrother met her during her Evita run and was crushed by her aloofness. Now I get where it comes from. I'm inspired to work harder in my own life. Thanks, Patti! Did you know she had a long relaysh with Kevin Kline? I'm only halfway through and I have so much dirt already!!!

Much ado about Amanda Bynes who keeps driving even though she shouldn't. She's talking to inanimate objects (nothing wrong with that) toking and driving and drinking and making a menace of herself. This is what happens when you're out of the spotlight.

I tried to watch Dr. Phil's interview with Dina Lohan but TG walked in. I immediately hid the screen. So far, though, I have to side with Dina. Not a great mother, for sure. Sh*t-faced for the interview, I don't think so. It's obvious that she's been physically abused--and really badly. She tended to cower like a wounded animal. No doubt, she deals with some kind of anxiety disorder (I would, too) and festering terror. To go on Dr. Phil willingly, she must have wanted the spotlight but when it was on her, she withered under the scrutiny. I didn't see drunkenness so much as high anxiety. Maybe she took a couple Xanax before, but that didn't seem to help.

My secret hero Shaun White, the Flying Tomato, was arrested for public intoxication and doing harm to himself. He got wasted, trashed a hotel room, fell and busted his head open. I bet it was over a girl. We gingies always have an especially hard time with love. People think we're aliens.

"Divorce, Divorce, Divorce"

I don't know if you recognize this line from Steven Seagal's Out for Justice where he plays a Brooklyn cop and wears a crazy beret. His wife leaves him because he's SOOOO devoted to his job (and wears a beret). What does this have to do with the staggering price of Apple products? Tom and Katie have allegedly settled their divorce/custody arrangement. That is AWESOME--and drama free. Makes me wonder: Katie must've had a HUGE, HUGE bargaining chip. Also in divorce: Laura Dern is divorcing Ben Harper, for real this time. I psychically knew this because, the other night, our waitress at some Belgian restaurant on the UES (yes, I went there) looked exactly like Laura. It was uncanny.

Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to a girl, named Penelope Scotland (ugh). I wonder if she pulled the baby out of her own maiden's flower the way she did with Mason. Kourt makes childbirth look so easy.

Sunday Night Belly Ache -- Except It's Now Monday

The second I saw Chris Brown on the Billboard Music Awards, my stomach started throbbing more painfully than it had all day. I don't understand how someone who pummeled his girlfriend could be so well received. And he lip-synched. I'm so old, you would think my jaded soul would accept that there are no consequences. Rapists, batterers and murders are praised every day. I turned the TV off. Okay, I watched the Kardashians and realized all they do is nosh. They make me want to wear white and eat nonstop. These are not bad things.

The Rutgers spycam dude got sentenced to a mere 30 days*. Fury has erupted on FB, and I remember how incensed I was, crying, when I heard that William Kennedy Smith walked free from a rape charge. There are fifty shades of gray in some cases even though we can react emotionally and feel that this a-hole pushed his roommate those last few inches over the edge (that's how I feel, too). Spyboy will probably get justice on the outside. His life is over ... unless he gets a book contract and a reality show.

Cheering myself up with The Bachelorette, ginger ale and a dry potato.


*See lesson of first paragraph: There are no consequences.

It's All Downhill From Here...

But Downhill is easier than Uphill. I'm not sure what I mean, just that I have celebrity DTs--such great heights and now, eating cheap crackers and peanut butter. Must. Get. On. TV. Again. Fast! I'm not willing to drink donkey spunk, run off with the guitarist of Journey or lie on the couch dissing people then stuffing a Kardashian-sized burrito in my face (oh wait, never mind on this last one). My "normal" life is pretty durn awesome...except no one has stopped me on the street since the airing, which distresses me.

Quick remarks because I have to watch my television clip again. TG has created loop.

1. Kobe Bryant and wife might be reconciling since a photo of their smooching has surfaced! It must be love since she would have gotten kazillions in a divorce. Vanessa obvious hasn't learned the Dishrule never to date an athlete, except if you earn a giant payoff in a divorce. Well, even then...

2. Real Housewives of Orange County: the new housewife, Heather, seems just fine, a refreshing brunette. I might be done with OC because the boredom factor is just too high. The only drama is that Peggy effed Alexis's husband years ago and never said anything. It's a rule on OC that your mate is either an emoting loser or richndorky.

3. Kourtney was asked to carry Khloe's baby. Bahahahah! This sounds like a giant load of BS. Why not ask Kim? It might take her mind off the divorce.

Prayers for the Health of King Funkalicious

Dish follows many stars, and lately has become concerned over Chic god and Duran Duran savior (among many legendary projects) Nile Rodgers. He has an "aggressive cancer" which he details on http://nilerodgers.com/. Let's send good vibes out to the universe that he continues to rock into infinity and beyond. Love Nile! See the awesomeness for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsKPPL-j6kE.

There's always something new for the Kardashians: Kourtney is reproducing again. I've never watched the show, never intend to (sort of want to) but from trailers, she seems like the least offensive. Am I wrong?

Just saw that Gale Harold will get back to sexing up the place on The Secret Circle, which is when I'll start watching again. But I'll try to substitute Justin instead of the girl he's supposed to bed. Will I ever get over Queer As Folk?

Stalin's daughter died. RIP?

Mindy McCready and son reported missing in Florida but she says they're fine. National Enquirer alleges she's 5 months preggo with twins. Wouldn't it be great if she gave birth to baby kittens? That would up the drama.